


The Neighbors Song

by TheodoreR



Series: The Neighbors Song [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Jealous Theo, Liam is a Little Shit, M/M, Smut, Theo genuinely can't sing, Theo loves singing, a bit of angst, background Morey and Nett, crushing on each other is not part of the deal, humans!au, they make a deal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-06-19 01:23:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheodoreR/pseuds/TheodoreR
Summary: “I always hear you singing on your balcony every morning, but suddenly you’ve stopped?”Or the one where Theo annoys Liam every morning with his awful singing until he doesn’t anymore and Liam is even more annoyed.Liam hates every single thing about his mornings -the fact that they happen in the morning alone is enough.The thing Liam hates the most about his mornings though is the terrible voice of the guy who lives below him. He can’t sing for shit and Liam tried to politely let him understand that by throwing flour and water on his balcony, and also by shouting it to him,you can’t sing for shit!, and then by writing it into a note he proceeded to attach to his door, but this Raeken guy just keeps doing it, every single morning, like a fucking rooster.Liam did nothing to deserve this. He probably didn’t do anything to deserve better either to be fair, he doesn’t expect to open his window and be welcomed by some angelic voice singing him good morning, he’d just be happy with nothing. Silence. That’s something Liam can appreciate in mornings. Just some bark from his dog and the sound of his misery and that’s it. But no, god forbid the new guy lets him have that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You all need to pretend GOT is on Netflix because I forgot it’s not, so this is an AU where Liam and Theo are humans and GOT is on Netflix, those are the conditions. You also need to pretend this is decent because I didn’t write anything new in a while and I was afraid I forgot how to write and then I did this and it was fun to write it but what about reading it, I don’t know, I hope it is because if not I DID forgot how to write and that would be a shame since I’ll probably keep doing it anyway. 
> 
> Tumblr prompt:  
> I always hear you singing on your balcony (below mine) every morning, but suddenly you’ve stopped?

 

Liam hates every single thing about his mornings.

His coffee, that tastes awful because he washed his moka with soap instead of plain water for over a year before Mason told him he wasn’t supposed to do that, his eggs, because he always manages to burn them, his little dachshund, who wants to poop first thing in the morning, and mostly himself, because he just couldn’t be smart enough to be born rich and not have to work a day in his life. No, let’s be poor and go to work every single morning at eight o’clock, why not, sleeping is overrated anyway. 

The thing Liam hates the most about his mornings though is the terrible voice of the guy who lives below him. He can’t sing for shit and Liam tried to politely let him understand that by throwing flour and water on his balcony, and also by shouting it to him, _you can’t sing for shit!_ , and then by writing it into a note he proceeded to attach to his door, but this Raeken guy just keeps doing it, every single morning, like a fucking rooster.

Liam did nothing to deserve this. He probably didn’t do anything to deserve better either to be fair, of course he doesn’t expect to open his window and be welcomed by some angelic voice singing him good morning, he’d just be happy with nothing. Silence. That’s something Liam can appreciate in mornings. He refused to share his apartment with his best friend Mason for that reason specifically, because he can’t have his morning routine ruined even more –when every morning routine is already ruined at the start by the fact that it happens in the morning – by someone _talking_ to him or moving near him or just existing in his same planet. None of that, Liam wants silence. Just some bark from his dog and the sound of his misery and that’s it. But no, god forbid the new guy lets him have that.

Liam tried to convince the condominium administrator to approve a new rule of no singing in the building, but he refused because _haven’t you seen Footloose, Mr Dunbar?_ And no, Liam hasn’t, because he doesn’t want to hear people sing all the time or else he wouldn’t have a problem in the first place. Fuck Deaton honestly, why is a vet in charge of everyone’s life in the building is beyond him anyway.

The point is, it’s a morning like the others and Liam is already hating his coffee as he sips it lazily and he’s also hating his dog and himself and his eggs, like usual, but he’s not hating the ugly singing, he realizes suddenly. And this is because there is no ugly singing this morning.

Immediately Liam runs to his balcony, sticking his head out  a little to focus on every possible noise coming from  below him. The door of the balcony seems open like always because Liam can hear the distant clinking of dishes and pans, but not a single out of tune verse, not even a low humming. It seems like the guy is just making himself breakfast without singing this morning.

Liam is so mad about this.

He has his morning routine with his list of things to hate, he has just gotten used to the last addition after a month, and now this guy thinks he can just change it again by taking away his ugly singing, so that Liam will have to find something else to hate. It’s not that Liam couldn’t do that, he’s good at hating new things, he could find something else in a heartbeat, but it’s the disrespect he can’t accept. You don’t just sing every morning for a month with your balcony door open forcing your neighbour to get used to it and then take it away. Who assures Liam this is even going to last anyway? What if tomorrow the ugly sing is back? And then gone again and then back and so on in a long cycle of Liam never ever being able to have a safe routine again? No way. Liam needs constancy in his life and if the guy wants to keep living below him then he’ll just have to give him that. Liam leaves his coffee cup half full and walks out without even touching his eggs, because his morning routine is fucked today anyway. Now he just needs to make sure this doesn’t happen again tomorrow.

 

***

 

The Reaken guy is called Theo. It’s on his doorbell.

 “Good morning, how-”

“It’s not.” Liam immediately cuts him off because he didn’t even manage to finish his breakfast, he won’t allow people to call this a good morning, not on his watch.

Theo just blinks, standing there in his grey t-shirt and sweatpants. He has green eyes, very pretty. They’re on his face.

 “Okay” He concedes, scratching his nose and eyeing Liam critically. “Can I help you?”

Liam nods, impatient. “Yes, I need you to sing.”

“You need me...what? Who are you?”

It’s early, Liam gets that. Still, he can’t help but feeling a little offended by this: they never saw each other, sure, but it’s not like they never interacted. Liam has been hating this guy for weeks now and he doesn’t even know who he is, fucking unbelievable.

“I’m Liam Dunbar. We talked already.” He points out trying not to sound too bitter: he needs to be on his good side to make him do what his morning routine needs.

“Are you sure? I don’t think I ever saw you.” Theo keeps looking very confused and hot, all messy hair and furrowed brows. Stupid idiot.

“We didn’t talk face to face, but I shouted at you from my balcony that you can’t sing for shit and you screamed back to fuck off.”

Finally Theo’s lips part in realisation and his voice suddenly sounds a little less polite.  “Wait, you’re the asshole who lives above me? The one who threw flour on my balcony?”

“Exactly, Liam Dunbar, nice to meet you, you’re Theo Raeken, now let’s get to business. I need you to sing.”

“You need me to sing.” And there he goes again with his confused face. Not the brightest bulb in the bunch this Theo Raeken, is he.

“That’s what I said.” _Be nice Liam, come on. Be nice until he agrees to do his shitty morning singing again._

“I thought you hated the fact that I sing.”

“I absolutely hate it, and you still did it, every single day for over a month, so now you don’t get to stop without an explanation. Why aren’t you singing?” Liam inquires authoritative.

Theo sighs and Liam doesn’t know what he has to look all sad about now. He’s not the one who didn’t get to finish breakfast, is he. “I did an audition for a very important singing school and they didn’t take me.”

Liam is _so_ not surprised by this. “Of course not, you can’t sing. Is that the only reason you stopped? You’re being a drama queen who can’t handle rejection?”

Theo is glaring at him now. Awesome. People glaring at him for no reason is exactly what Liam needs in his mornings. “Look, Lenny, it’s not really any of your business what I-”

“It’s Liam” he growls trying not to look too bothered by that.  _The disrespect._

Theo shrugs, clearly satisfied. “Same thing, now if you’ll excuse me...”

“I’m not excusing you, _Ted_ , this is what I came to tell you.” Two can play that game. “You want to skip a day, fine, you warn me the day before and if you’re actually sick I’ll give you the day off, but otherwise-”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Oh right. He forgot to tell him. Liam clears his throat. “My proposal. I have a proposal.”

Theo rolls his eyes, glancing absently to their right. “What kind of proposal?”

Liam follows his gaze and it’s with great dejection that he sees Mr Jenkins and her little demoniac chihuahua Monroe crossing the hall. She’s not looking in their direction, but she’s listening, just like everyone in that damn condominium. Eyes and ears everywhere in the shadow, just waiting for Liam to do something so they can gossip about it. Time a few hours and they’ll all be talking about how Liam proposed to the new guy from the first floor.

“A job” He specifies out loud, almost screaming so that Mrs Jenkins hears it. It won’t matter anyway, she hates him and she’ll spread fake news about their marriage anyway. “I’m offering you a job.”

“I have a job.” Theo shrugs, leaning against the threshold. Liam wants to lean against something as well and look as relaxed as him, but there’s nothing except air and dust where he’s standing. You’d think Deaton had the time to hire an housekeeper since he’s not using his time to implement useful new rules like ‘no singing in the building’ apparently, but no, nobody ever cleans that place. Liam almost choked to death in the elevator once. It was traumatic. All he could breath was dust and dog fur –Mrs Jenkins’ chihuahua fur of course. Scott doesn’t lose that much fur. “I work in the cafe on the other side of the stree-”

“I didn’t ask for your life story” Liam cuts him off because he’s not going to pretend he cares about other people’s jobs at eight in the morning. There’s a limit to everything. “I’m offering you an easy job you can do from home. I’ll pay you and you’ll sing every morning, that’s it. I’ll give you five dollars.”

Theo straightens, clearly allured by the money. Money can get you everything in life. “Every day?”

“Per month. And you need to call me boss.” Liam’s boss doesn’t want Liam to call him boss and Liam never understood that: he’d make his own mum call him boss if he could and if he ever was boss of something in his life. He’s not though.

“I’m not calling you boss for five dollars, Lenny.”

Theo has a mat on his doorstep. That is where Liam will bring Scott to poop later.

“Fifteen.”

“No.”

“Oh come on!” Liam snaps frustrated. Why are people so avid these days? He’d do much more for much less. “I’m not rich, I can’t hire people for more than fifteen dollars per month!”

Theo smirks, impassive. “Then you could try, I don’t know, not hiring people.”

Liam hates sarcasm. People use it and they suddenly feel smarter than everyone while they can’t even sing.

“Twenty dollars and I’ll stop throwing crumbs on your balcony, last offer.”

Theo’s eyes widen as his cheeks redden in anger, making his face look all funny. “Is it you? Oh my god, go fucking clean your tablecloths somewhere else for fuck’s sake!”

Liam shrugs, raising his chin to show that he’s not ashamed. People have no respect for each other these days and Brett and Nolan, the detestable couple that lives above him, always throw all kind of things on his balcony, cigarettes and food and that one terrible time even a condom,  so why should Liam be better than them? If he can’t have a clean balcony, then neither should Theo. What did he do to deserve it more than him anyway? Nothing, exactly.

“Last offer.”

 “Fine. But I’ll choose what to sing.” Theo sighs, shaking his head. Liam silently exults. His terrible morning routine is secured once again. The monotony of his miserable life is safe and it will never shake until Scott's next shot of explosive diarrhoea.

“Boss” he reminds him. “You need to address me as boss.”

“Whatever, _boss._ ” It doesn’t sound reverent and it’s perfect, because Theo’s hateful spit is the sound of power over someone who despises you for that. Liam will have to cut something out if he needs twenty dollar every month by the way, because his salary can’t afford power. It’s between Netflix and Scott’s croquettes. Does the dog actually need them? Maybe he can just eat the beetles Liam’s apartment is infested with.

“Glad we worked this out.” He smiles turning on his heels. He’s so late for work. He’s going to be fired and he’ll be the one living out of beetles then, all because this guy couldn’t be constant with his annoying singing. “I’ll hear from you tomorrow morning, Ted.”

“It’s Theo!”

“Same thing.”

 

***

 

Liam had to cancel his subscription to Netflix because he read on a article that a little dachshund once ate his dead owner because nobody was feeding him anymore and he doesn’t want Scott to eat him while he sleeps. Also who is Liam kidding, Scott has those big puppy eyes and Liam can’t even keep his own food from him, he’d never be able to deprive him of his croquettes.

He can’t just stare at Scott’s big eyes all day now that he doesn’t own a Netflix account anymore though. He tried, but they’re boring after a while and Scott blinks too much.

It’s stupid how much TV controls people’s life these days. Liam pities those who can’t go a day without wasting their time sitting and staring at a screen. Luckily he’s full of resources and he has a bunch of other interesting hobbies to fill his free time with. He always wanted to learn german for example, because every insult sounds meaner in german. Or he could master his cooking abilities and actually learn how to make coffee. Learn how to whistle by watching YouTube tutorials seems like another brilliant idea. He could travel the world.

Liam is going to _die_ if he doesn’t watch a new episode of Game of thrones right now.

 

***

 

“Hey Todd, do you by chance own a Netflix account?”

Theo is standing on his door all defensive like Liam is about to launch himself into his apartment if he doesn’t block the entry. How ridiculous. Just because he knocked with too much enthusiasm – _desperation-_ on his door it doesn’t mean he wants to enter.

“It’s _Theo_ and yes, I do, why?”

Perfect.

“Could you please give me your login credentials?”

Theo raises his brow, suspicious. “Why?” Questions, questions, questions. People these days. Liam is so sad to live in a world where you can’t ask anything to anyone without them asking you things right back.  

“So I can use it?” He smiles. Smiling is good. Liam always got what he wanted from his grandmother when he was a child that way _. You have a beautiful smile, little angel_ , she always said to him. And he still has it. He doesn’t use it much so it must be like new, still pretty and untouched.

“Err, no?”

Fine, Liam hasn’t been to the dentist in a while now but he brushes his teeth every day and this guy is just ruthless.

“Oh come on, I’m giving you my twenty dollars, I can’t give them to Netflix as well” He explains reasonably. Does this guy want his dog to feed on beetles? Is he this cruel?

He is. “Well, I’m giving you my voice, so.”

“Your voice sucks.”

Theo snorts, because he actually auditioned for a musical institute so it’s clear that he really has no idea of his total lack of skills. Liam sings in the shower sometimes, when he feels happy, like once a year, and he’s so much better than him. “Then why are you paying me twenty bucks for it?”

“Because I got used to it.” Liam vaguely considers if it could be useful to try and explain this guy the concept of morning routines and certainties in life, but he doesn’t even own a dog, what can he know about certainties. He has just one mouth to feed. No knowledge about responsibilities and fur. “But I’m also used to Netflix. Can’t you just be selfless and share it with me?”

“As in you’ll pay me your half?”

Liam sighs frustrated. Why everyone wants money from him? First the guy that came yesterday, bills and blabla, then Deaton, because you can’t even be late of a few months with your rent in this building of avid people apparently, and now this. “No, I just want to use it, not pay for it.” He specifies, smiling again. Larger this time. He needs a big smile to enchant him, just like his grandma thaught him. Larger, larger, larger. It hurts a little.

“What are you doing with your mouth, stop that, it’s creepy. And the answer is no, I won’t give you my credentials. Next thing I know all your friends are using my account. Hell no.” Bold of Theo to assume Liam has more than one friend. His trick of making Mason look like several friends all at once by calling him a different nickname every time he mentions him must be working.

“Then I’ll just come here everytime I need Netflix.” He concludes because that’s the only solution. He can’t live without Netflix and he can’t live without this guy’s horrible morning singing and he’s too poor to pay for both.  

Theo throws his hands in the air, resigned. “Fine.”

“Well, I need Netflix now.”

“Then come in.” Theo finally steps away from the door and it’s not like Liam wanted to enter his apartment before Theo blocked the door with his body so hostilely, but after that he has been dying to sneak in. “And I’m not calling you boss anymore if you’re using my Netflix account, let’s be clear.”

 “Yeah, okay.” Liam concedes because he had actually forgot about that which is so weird since he was so excited about that yesterday.

“And you’re calling me Theo.” He adds as he pads through the hall towards a little living room that’s also a kitchen and a launderette, exactly like Liam’s. The bathroom door is in the exact same spot and of course every apartment looks the same in this boring building, how surprising. This one seems a lot cleaner though and Liam guesses Theo doesn’t have the same beetles problem since there isn’t any scotch tape on every slots. Not that the tape helps anyway.

“Well, then you’ll call me Liam.” He mutters sinking on the couch next to Theo. This is not like his. It’s big and comfy and shiny black, with not a single dog hair on it. Very weird couch, Liam can’t relate.

“I’ll call you however I want while you’re using my Netflix, Lionel” Theo replies as he grabs the controller and moves it towards the TV. And holy shit, Liam didn’t notice. That screen is bigger than his willingness to live. What does this guy need such a big TV for? His eyes are not _that_ big. “So, what do you absolutely need to watch on Netflix?”

“Game of thrones, episode ten of season five.”

“Oh, the one before Danaerys dies, cool” Theo nods and things appear on the screen as he moves his fingers on the remote controller. He doesn’t seem bothered by the spurt of blood that darted out of Liam’s heart and  is now staining his pretty couch. His queen. His beautiful dragon queen and he’s not sure what hurts more, the fact that she’ll die or the fact that this asshole just spoiled it for him. Liam is not even moving. He needs to find a weapon before he can make any move. He’ll just have to pretend to be thirsty and grab a knife from the kitchen. That will do. His apartment is identical to this, so he’ll know where to find everything to clean up after. He saw Breaking Bad so many times, he’ll dispose of the body without making a mess. No bathtub involved. Just acid ant the right type of plastic. Fast and clean. 

“I’ll go grab a glass of wat-”

“I was kidding, she doesn’t die, relax” Theo must have sensed the murder on him, because he’s lifting his hands in a defensive manner, even if Liam didn’t make a move in his direction. He’s not stupid, he would have took the knife first. “She’s too boring to die. Someone does though.”

“Shut up!” Liam warns him because he doesn’t need murder in his life, really. His therapist took years to convince him of this.

Theo smirks, theatrically zipping his lips. He starts the episode and it doesn’t seem like he plans on leaving the couch anytime soon. And here dies Liam’s hope of lying down and occupying all the space.

“Didn’t you watch it already?” He mutters a little annoyed. He could give him some privacy and go do something else in some other room, or just not on the couch at least, but no, it's better to be annoying, right?

Theo shrugs.  
“I always wanted to do a rewatch.”

Great, just great. You can’t even ask people their Netflix now without them thinking you’re also inviting them to sit with you. What the world has turned into.

 

***

 

Theo intones the Game of thrones theme song the morning after.

You need to try really hard to get the rhythm of it wrong but he manages to fuck it up.

Liam is impressed.

 

***

 

Mrs Jenkins looks so suspicious when she catches him in front of Theo’s door again. She _so_ thinks they have an affair now. Maybe Theo thinks it too because he looks very surprised to see him there, but why is that? They have a deal and it’s not like you can just watch one episode of Game of Thrones and then you’re done, Liam needs _at least_ one every day.

“Right, one every day, got it, but can you come back later? I’m cooking dinner.”

Theo is wearing a nice pink sweater and there’s not a single stain on it, so there’s no way he’s making dinner. Liam made a lot of dinners in his life and he’s not going to be fooled like that, even if the scent of curry coming from the apartment is really strong, as if a dinner was actually in the processed to be made. Weird. Liam loves curry.

“Oh. You want me to come back not now then? Like, later?”

“Yes, in half an hour maybe? After dinner?”

“Sure, later.” Liam nods. He can do that. He still has to dine as well actually. Not with curry probably, he doesn’t have curry in his kitchen. “I usually watch Netflix while I eat.” He adds. “That’s what I usually do. Watching and eating at the same time. I love doing that.” He loves curry too.

“I like food and Netflix together” He continues because there’s silence now.

Theo is still blocking the door. “Yes I got that. Why are you telling me? And why are you still here?”

“I’m not still here” Liam immediately denies and then he turns on his heels, speeding towards the stairs. How dare that guy telling him that he’s still there. Liam never stills in the same place too much, he’s everywhere and nowhere all at the same time, like the Flash.

“Hey, do you want to come in for dinner? So we can eat while we watch Game of Thrones?” He’s almost upstairs when Theo’s voice calls him back. Fucking finally. Talking about taking an hint. Liam can’t with that guy. So slow.

“Sure thing.” Liam is back downstairs in a second and Theo actually moves to let him in.

The black couch looks just as big and comfy as Liam remembered, but he can’t hug it now sadly. He needs to be polite and pretend he wants to actually help with dinner, so he stops near the cooker.

“What are you cooking?” he asks staring at the chicken curry on it.

“Chicken curry” Theo answers staring at it as well.

Liam nods, thoughtful.

“You put the curry on the chicken” He recaps gesturing towards the pan, showing his knowledge about cooking. That’s what happen when you live alone, you learn things about food and recipes and then you just need a quick glance to see what’s going on in every pan. 

“That’s what I did, yes. Chicken curry as I said.” Theo confirms, clearly impressed.

Liam wonders if he helped enough already. He’d love to go waiting on the couch now.

“So, do you need help? Putting more curry on the chicken or...with anything else?”

 “You know how to cook?” Theo looks surprised.

“Yes, I live alone, I’m surviving, of course I know how to cook.” Liam has to keep from rolling his eyes because this is so insulting honestly. What does he look like, like he’s starving or something?

“Okay” Theo nods slowly, thoughtful. “Then can you prepare those vegetables while I finish with the chicken?”

Liam turns to the table and he’s suddenly met by the sight of so many vegetables, so many, green and purple and all of them with the peel still on and Liam has no idea what he’s supposed to do with those. What do they even need them for? Weren’t they making chicken?

Theo is still looking at him expectantly. Liam can’t remember the last time he touched a kale.

 “I don’t cook this kind of things” He explains clearing his voice.

Theo stares at him.

“And what kind of things do you cook.” He says slowly. It doesn’t even sound like a question.

“Like...noodles for example. Sandwiches” Liam tries to remember what he ate for lunch but adding canned tuna to his culinary curriculum probably won’t help. “I reheat pizza perfectly. I’m a professional reheater. I absolutely mastered it: not too much, not too little, just what it takes so you can bite it as soon as it comes out of the microwave without burning your tongue.”

“You put pizza in microwave.” Theo blinks, because that’s what he got out of that apparently. What a joke. “Go sit please.”

Liam goes because he doesn’t have anything to do there anyway: vegetables are for people who can’t reheat pizza.

 

 

The vegetables were good too to be fair, Theo put some bread crumbs on it or something like that and they didn’t taste much like vegetables anymore. Theo didn’t let Liam take a second plate of it tough, because apparently couches are not made to be crumbled on in this apartment. What a weird concept. Liam can barely remember what colour his couch is under all the food.

“I know how to make cookies.” He says as soon as the scene of a little girl burning to death is replaced by the end credits. 

Theo raises his brows. “Oh yeah? Cool, let’s do it.” He walks to the counter and Liam follows him. When they arrive, and they arrive pretty soon since it’s a small room, Theo looks at him like he’s expecting him to do something. “So, what do you need for your cookies?”

Liam clears his throat uncomfortable, because he didn’t really think this through. He needs cookies, that’s what he needs in order to have cookies.

Theo sighs. “You lied, didn’t you. You don’t actually know how to make cookies.”

Liam nods, because why would someone know how to make cookies is beyond him. There are hundreds of type of cookies at the groceries store and you need to buy just one thing to have them, which is the bag of cookies, while you probably need to buy so many boring things to make them at home, like flour. Liam already has flour at home to be fair, because Mason was so offended when he discovered he didn’t. It’s one of those things you can’t _not_ have at home apparently, like toilet paper and coffee, so Liam bought it. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do with it, the last time he used it it was to throw it on Theo’s balcony.

 “So, was this your way to ask me to make you cookies or...”

“No I was just trying to impress you, I don’t want cookies” Liam shakes his head because he doesn’t trust Theo not to add vegetables to his cookies. “We can watch another episode now.”

“I mean, I’m already impressed. Not necessarily in a good way, but I am.” Liam has no idea what Theo means with this, especially because he’s staring at him with that thoughtful look of his like he’s trying to figure Liam’s brain out. “It’s a little late anyway.”

Liam doesn’t think that any hour before midnight should be defined as late, but he just shrugs, resigned. He’ll never find out who sits on the Iron Throne at this pace. “Okay I’ll go home then.”  
“I mean, I suppose I could give you my credentials if you really need to watch another episode now...” Theo starts hesitant, following him to the door.

Liam considers it. He could watch whatever he wants whenever he wants, without having to interact with people anymore.

“No it’s okay, I’ll come back tomorrow.” He’d miss Theo’s comfy couch too much. “Night Tony.”

“Night Leonard.”

 

***

 

Theo sings Celine Dion the next morning. It sounds like a dog being skinned alive.

Liam has to close the balcony door because Scott keeps yelping back.

 

***

 

“I think I have a beetle in my ear.”

Liam should have probably waited to be inside to say it, but Theo is blocking the door as always and he just needed to spill it out. Now the whole building will know in ten seconds. He can’t see Mrs Jenkins anywhere to be fair, but she can see him, Liam is ready to bet his life on it.

Theo frowns, his eyes immediately scanning his body. His hair is a bit messier than usual, which is still not messy at all actually, and he probably just got out of bed. “What.”

“I woke up and it was on my pillow.” Liam explains and he’s aware that his hair on the other hand looks like someone tried to pull them all out of his head, and that’s there is a big tomato stain on the large Stark t-shirt he uses to sleep. 

“And what did you do?” Theo looks a bit scared and there’s not a single stain on his black tank.

“I screamed.”

“And then?”

“I punched it.”

“You punched the beetle.” Theo repeats like Liam was supposed to offer it breakfast instead. 

“Yes.”

“Did he die.”

“Yes.”

“And then you put it in your ear.”

“What.”

“The beetle.”

Oh god. “What the fuck is wrong with you.”

“I don’t know, you came here saying you have a beetle in your ear!” Theo huffs frustrated, like he’s the one about to be eaten by the inside from a little creature of the devil. Liam can feel it crawling on his brain. He’d love to be dead already. 

“Not that one, his friend!”

“What friend?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t see it, I was sleeping you know, but if they were so close to my face already maybe one of them was already inside my ear and it’s still there and he knows I punched his friend to death and he’s going to kill me.” Theo still looks perplexed. Why isn’t he freaking out? Where is the ambulance? “By eating me _alive!_ ”

“Do you want me to look?” He asks instead.

“What?”

“In your ear.”

“Yes.” Liam nods and Theo takes a step closer, holding his chin up and gently moving it to the side. He pushes Liam’s hair out of the way with his other hand and he stays silent for several seconds, just staring into his ear. Mrs Jenkins will have so many questions.

“There’s nothing here.” He concludes eventually, leaving him.

“Well of course, I’d feel it if he was _right_ there” Liam mutters, flattening his hair back. “He’s inside.”

“It can’t be inside.” Theo replies because he’s suddenly a beetles expert apparently.

“Well, it’s not outside so it must be inside.”

“Or maybe it doesn’t exist since you never saw it in the first place. Maybe the beetle you killed didn’t have any friend.”

“Oh, they’re all living at my place and not even bonding with each other, that’s what you’re saying.” Liam is so done with this. Not even his beetles can have friends now.

“How many of them there are?” Theo finally looks a bit concerned.

 “I don’t know. They just keep coming.” Liam shrugs sadly. “Can we have breakfast together? So if it crawls out of my ear you’ll see it?” He adds because he doesn’t feel like going back to his infested apartment right now. Someone needs to be there to call the ambulance when he’ll eventually drop to the ground after the beetle ate his brain.

“Sure” Theo says but he doesn’t move from the door, his eyes searching warily Liam’s body.

Liam snorts. “I don’t have them on me.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just, could you turn around while keeping your arms up please?” Liam glares at him but does it anyway. Theo seems satisfied because he finally moves aside. “Okay, you can enter.”  
“Are you sure? Don’t you need to use a metal detector on me as well?” Liam mutters bitter as he walks in. “I could sneak beetles in inside my pockets for what you know.”

“Beetles are not made of metal, Lenny.”

“Don’t tell me what my beetles are made of, Theodore.”

Theo holds his breath behind him and Liam turns back confused.

“What.” He asks, but Theo immediately stops looking at him like he saw a ghost and darts toward the table. Liam keeps staring at him confused as he puts the moka on the cooker giving him his back and then it clicks. “Wait. Is Theodore...is Theo short for Theodore? Did I accidentally called you with your real name?”

“No, it’s just Theo.” Theo mutters grabbing two cups and two placemats from a cupboard. Oh, so he’s one of _those_ people. Liam will never get what’s wrong with just eating on a table. “Theodore is awful. Nobody calls me that.”

“I’ll call you Theodore until the day I die.” Liam immediately proclaims very honestly.

“Which is gonna be today if you call me that again.”

“Sure thing, Theodore.”

 

***

 

Theo sings something Liam doesn’t know the next morning. It doesn’t sound like a dying dog anymore, just a very sad cat.

It kinda helps him pretend to be dead for twenty minutes before Deaton finally stops knocking on his door. He’s so annoying about the rent thing. It’s not like Liam never pays. He paid it a few months ago, but it’s never enough for Deaton apparently. Vets these days, so avid.

 

***

 

Theo knocks on his door for ten minutes that evening before getting annoyed and screaming at Liam. Hearing his voice and not Deaton’s, Liam opens immediately.

“Hi. I brought you things.” Theo smiles, not entering even if Liam is not blocking the door like Theo always does instead.  

“What things?” Liam glances confused at the bottles and boxes piled between Theo’s arms. They don’t look edible.  

“Weapons.” Theo explains shoving them in Liam’s arms so that he can kneel down and pet Scott, who’s yelping desperate at being ignored like he always does if you say hi to Liam before him.  

Liam has known Theo for a few weeks now, so much more than Scott has, but still he’s not the one licking him right now. So unfair.

“I can’t use these.” He sighs glancing at the warning labels on the different insecticides and sprays.

Theo stops making out with his dog – _that’s what he’s doing, there’s no other way to call it_ – to throw him a questioning look.

“That’s why I’m losing the war, I can’t use any kind of poison.” Liam explains.  “I have a dog, as you may have noticed since you have his tongue in your nose and you seem to like it. He’d get poisoned as well. He’s essentially a giant cockroach.”

Theo looks thoughtfully at Scott, who stares back adoringly at him wriggling his tail so hard that all his body wriggles as well.

“I’ll keep him.” He sentences eventually and Liam frowns.

“What.”  
“I’ll keep your dog while you fight the beetles.” Theo repeats and then he grabs Scott and leaves.

Liam blinks.

“Did you just kidnap my dog?” He calls after him but Theo is already downstairs.

Liam feels kinda hurt that Scott didn’t stop wriggling for a second as Theo was stealing him.

“My neighbour just kidnapped my dog.” He texts Mason after a while because it makes his life sound exciting.

 

 

He shouldn’t have done that, Mason is now at his door with a baseball bat.

“Mase, what are you doing.”

“We’re going to save Scott from Mrs Jenkins.” Mason proclaims determined, firmly holding his bat in front of him. “I don’t care if she’s old, we’ll crash her knees and have her beg for her life. Nobody steal my best friend’s dog and get away with it.”

Liam is so touched by the fact that Mason is ready to beat an old lady for him. He never lends him his blue-rays but this right here is friendship.

“It wasn’t Mrs Jenkins, it’s the other neighbour. The one who can’t sing.”

“Oh that one. I told you you shouldn’t have threw flour on his balcony, no matter how out of tune he was.” Mason says immediately because fuck friendship, being right and pointing it out gives him more pleasure than Corey ever will. “But we’re still saving Scott, we just need reinforcements. I can text Corey to bring his roommate’s katana, we don’t know how big this guy is.”

“He’s pretty muscular. His arms could probably lift your student loan too. His eyes are green.”

“What do his eyes have anything to do with our chances to take him? And when did you see him?”

“When he kidnapped Scott.” And all the other times, but Mason seems shocked enough already.

“You were there? Why didn’t you stop him?”

“Because he’ll probably give him back once I exterminated the beetles” Liam shrugs. “We’ve been hanging out.”

“Yeah, I know, you’ve been living with them for months now.”

 _Them?_ “Not me and the beetles, me and Theo!”

“Who’s Theo.” Mason just seems so lost now, standing there with his bat and no one to beat with it.

“The guy who can’t sing.”

“Oh. You two hang out?”

“Yes.” Liam clears his voice, because they never left the building together. “I mean, we hang out inside. At his place. We watch Game of Thrones because I don’t have Netflix anymore.”

Mason stares at him for several seconds, frowning. “So we’re not using this on anyone.” He nods at his bat.

Liam has a flash of Deaton lying on the floor and hiding his bloody face while they keep hitting him. It’s tempting, but he eventually shakes his head.

“Wonderful.” Mason sighs disappointed, turning on his heels.

Liam feels so bad about accidentally getting his hopes of beating someone up. “Mason, wait, I’m sorry! We can still beat Mrs Jenkins if you want! Or you can help me with the beetles!”  

Mason doesn’t help him with the beetles. That’s where the line of their friendship is drawn apparently.

 

**

 

“I think I’ll die if I sleep in my apartment. Mrs Jenkins plants are all dead.”

Theo, who’s blocking the door as always, glances at the other side of the hall confused.

“What do you mean her plants are dead? They’re not even close to your...”

“Exactly.” Liam says eloquent while Scott sneaks out from behind Theo and assaults him with his tongue. Oh, he still remembers him then, the fucking traitor. “I’ll die if I sleep there.”

“I agree.” Theo wrinkles his nose glancing at the stairs. He’s probably just making a scene because Liam can’t smell it anymore now. Or maybe he inhaled too much insecticide to still be able to distinguish it from oxygen.

“Can I sleep here too then? So I don’t die?” He’ll probably die anyway, it’s too late, but at least Theo will dispose of his body immediately. He was scared he was sneaking beetles into his apartments, Liam can’t imagine him keeping a corpse on his couch for too long.

Theo bits his lips, hesitant. “I mean...sure, you can take the couch.”

He doesn’t move from the door tough.

Liam stands there uncomfortable.

“Are you sure? You don’t seem sure.”

“I am.” Theo nods, taking a step back so Liam can enter. “It’s just, you know, weird, I didn’t even know your name last week and now you’re here every day, as if we lived together or something.”

Liam holds still.

“I can ask Mason. Or Stiles.” He absolutely doesn’t have a friend called Stiles. The only Stiles he knows is the annoying guy who found him that time he fell in a hole when he tried to be healthy and go for a run.  

“No, no, it’s okay, you can stay here. I gave you the insecticides anyway, so...I’m just saying it’s weird, not that I’m bothered or anything."

“Okay. Cool.” Liam nods and he walks in.

 

 

Theo hands him a blanket and Liam grabs it. It’s fluffy and soft and it looks more like a bed blanket than a couch blanket. “Thanks, Theodore.”

“I told you not to call me that.” He mutters leaning a little to pet Scott, all curled up on Liam’s lap. Scott huffs annoyed, like he always does when people touch him when he sleeps. But he never hesitates licking Liam’s face while he tries to sleep on the other hand, fucking hypocrite. He starts petting him as well.

  
“And I told you I’ll call you Theodore until the day you die.” He replies, shrugging.

“You said until the day _you_ die.”

“I changed my mind, why would I be the one who dies first?”

“Because you don’t know how to cook vegetables apparently.” Theo smirks and his hand accidentally brushes Liam’s as he tickles Scott’s belly. Or maybe he did it on purpose, what can Liam know. Maybe he’s trying to flirt with him using his dog. Liam doesn’t know a lot about flirting but he thinks this could be the case. 

“Yeah? Well, at least I have a dog.” He says because he forgot what they were talking about. Theo touches his hand again. To be fair, there’s not a lot of space to pet since Scott is so little and curled up in a ball too, but he doesn’t like being petted while he sleeps and it’s evident because he keeps huffing, so why is Theo still leaning on him if not to casually touch Liam’s hands in a flirting attempt? There’s no other explanation. They’re flirting. That’s what they’re doing.

“What does this-“

“Theodore.”

“Stop!”

_“Theodore, Theodore, Theodore.”_

“Shut up.”

“Make me.” Liam says staring intensely in his eyes because he can flirt too. Theo doesn’t make him, so he clears his throat embarrassed, changing subject. “Why don’t you like it?”

“Because it’s ugly.” Theo mutters and Scott huffs louder, so he stops petting him, taking a step back.

“It’s not.” Liam says honestly. What’s not to like in Theodore? It sounds pretty.

“I hate it.”

Liam snorts. “Well, I hated your singing and I asked you not to but you still did it for weeks.”

“First of all you didn't _asked_ , you shouted at me to shut the fuck up, and second I didn’t do it to annoy you, I did it because I like singing.”

“Well, I like Theodore.” Liam says blatantly and something weird immediately happens on Theo’s cheeks. It’s like he’s slowly getting tanner, but just there, and it’s not an actual tan, but more like a dark pink colour. _Blushing_ , that’s how it’s called. It’s part of the whole flirting thing, Liam thinks. “The name Theodore, I mean. And you’re the only person I know called that, so I’ll just use it with you and not with someone called Mason or-”

“Do you even have any other friends except Mason?”  
“What?”  
“You always mention only him.”

 _Fuck he figured Mase, Mboy and Sonny are all the same person._ How did he do that?

“I don’t see your apartment filled with friends either.” Liam mutters and he feels hot on his cheeks, so he’s probably doing the blushing thing too now. So much flirting.

“That’s because I’m new in town, what’s your excuse?”

“I have a beetles infestation.”

Theo doesn’t reply to that because that’s a pretty good excuse.

“Well,  we’ll see after you dealt with that if you’ll start bringing people home.” He snorts sceptical after a while and it’s kinda moving how he actually thinks whatever Liam just did to his apartment is going to work. The beetles are probably just having a party right now.

“You can come if you want.” Liam shrugs, very casual, very flirty. He’s so good at this, _god_. “We’re always at your place. When I don’t have beetles anymore you can come to see mine.”

“I bet there’s no real food at your place.” Theo grins and Liam fights the urge to say something rude because he really wants to see where flirting can take him. People do it all the time, so it must be a nice place.

“You can bring it” He says looking at his nails. “That’s what polite guests do when they visit, they bring food.”

“You never bring food.” Theo points out. Liam blinks. “But fine, I guess I’ll bring you food when you don’t have beetles anymore.”

“This makes it sound like I feed on beetles.”

This seems to be it for Theo. “Goodnight, Luke.”

“Goodnight, Theodore.”

Theo actually stops to look back at him annoyed. “I said don’t call me that.” He’s staring him down so intensely now. Liam figures this must be flirting as well.  

“And I’m doing it anyway.” Liam says defiantly, moving Scott from his lap to the couch so he can stand up and walk face to face with Theo. “What are you going to do about it, Theodore?” Theo looks so conflicted and Liam brings his face even closer, ready for the final move. “You'll kiss me to shut me up?”

“What?” Theo looks shocked and he’s not kissing him, so Liam does. He presses his lips against Theo’s mouth and he sees his green eyes getting wider and wider, while Scott barks at him from the couch. He doesn’t like when people moves too fast. Theo doesn’t seem to like it either, because he’s not kissing back and Liam steps away to give him time to realize what just happened and then maybe return the kiss.

Liam waits.

Theo doesn’t do anything.

Liam is starting to think he would have kissed him back already by now if that was the case, but he still looks like Liam shot him. _Well shit._

“So” Liam clears his voice, searching Theo’s face for any kind of signals. He looks like Liam just tried to stab him but maybe he’s just very slow. He’s going to stop him if he tries to leave, Liam is sure of that. You don’t let someone you don’t want to kiss use your Netflix for free, do you? And he touched his hand a few minutes ago. Two times. “Should I call Mason and ask him if I can sleep at his place?”

Theo doesn’t wait a single second. “Yeah, you do that.”

Liam grabs Scott and leaves. He bumps into Mrs Jenkins while he gets out the building and her chihuahua tries to bite Scott’s head off because why not, it’s such a great evening already.

 

**

 

Liam sleeps between Mason and Corey in his best friend’s bed that night, with Scott on his feet, because their couch is just a pile of old pillows thrown together and not even the dog wanted it.

He doesn’t say a word to them about being thrown out by his neighbour after he kissed him. He doesn’t want Mason to pull out his baseball bat again. 

 

**

 

His apartment doesn’t smell so bad anymore the next day, so Liam moves in again.

He’s looking for dead beetles when the doorbell rings.

Liam thinks it’s Theo who came to talk about the _I kissed you and you rejected me_ thing, but it’s actually Deaton.

He tries but he’s just not fast enough and Deaton blocks the door. Liam tells Scott to attack but Scott is already using his best attack which is glaring from the safety of the hall and Deaton doesn’t seem scared, probably because he’s Scott’s vet and he knows he’s a very weak and funky dog.

Long story short, Liam pays the rent.

 

***

 

“I got robbed.”

“What.”

“I got robbed so I can’t pay you for your singing this month, I’m sorry.”

Theo widens his eyes. “Robbed by who, did you call the police?” He asks and he looks very worried about his incomes being suddenly cut off.

Liam sighs. Like he didn’t think about that already. “I apparently can’t call the police because Deaton forced me to pay the rent, I tried once but that Parrish guy is an asshole. Look, I’ll find the money for next month, I promise, but you can stop singing for now if you want because I can’t pay you.”

Theo doesn’t look worried anymore. It’s almost as if Liam’s disgrace was fun to him. “Okay.” He says slowly and Liam is sure his voice sounds amused by accident, he’s not actually so rude to laugh at him right now. “Do you still need my Netflix then? Since you got robbed by our administrator?”

Liam nods. “Yes.”

“Good.” Theo steps back, letting him in. “Go sit down, I made lasagna.”

They don’t talk much, but Jon Snow kills a white walker, so there’s that.

 

***

Theo still sings the next morning.

Liam smiles happily at that and then he sees a beetle running towards him. He really can't have nice things in life. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

_Nolan Holloway and Brett Talbot._

Liam glares at the names on the doorbell, waiting.

There’s also a weird word next to the names, added freehand inside a heart. Liam has no idea what _Nett_ means, but he can’t believe these two get to keep a heart on their doorbell when Liam couldn’t even add his dog’s name on his. What a joke. Deaton talked so much about policy and rules to justify Scott’s removal and now this happens. They better be living with a giant talking human heart or else he’ll throw a fit at the next condominium meeting.

“Hi.” Brett opens the door and Liam’s morning is ruined already. He really hates this guy. “You are...?” Look at him, all blonde and rude, he has exactly the face Liam always imagined him to have, with his weird nose and evil eyes. He probably thinks he’s smart, going around with those curly hair and no shirt on, like he owns the building or something.

“Liam Dunbar, I live above you. We talked already.” Liam quickly introduces himself, glancing around. He doesn’t like the third floor. The terrible couple whose door he just rang at lives there, of course, but most importantly Deaton does. He already robbed him the other day, so hopefully he’ll have the decency not to start bothering him again about the rent just yet, but he’s probably dying from the need to give Liam a lecture about infesting half of the building with insecticides.  

Brett’s smile disappears immediately. “Wait, you’re the asshole who threw a stone to our window?”

Liam is about to confirm that he is indeed the asshole who did what he had to do in order to defend his own balcony, but another voice cuts him off.

“What? Is he? Is he the one?” A small guy suddenly appears from a door behind Brett and he immediately fixes his eyes on Liam, hateful. Liam recognizes the voice instantly. This is the crazy one. “I’m gonna destroy him, fight me coward, fight me!”

Fighting is one of the things Liam has always been good at, right after throwing things, and he can totally take Nolan, he wants to, because yes, he broke their window, fine, but who started it? Who keeps throwing shit on his balcony even if he politely asked them not to? Those two, damn right. Still, he’s not there to fight, so it’s a good thing Brett is now holding Nolan back.

“Yes, Liam Dunbar, you’re Brett and Nolan, nice too meet you.” Liam cuts it short because he doesn’t have all day for this. “Listen, can you pretend to be my friends tomorrow night?”

“What?” Brett looks very confused and so taken aback that he lowers his grip on his crazy boyfriend. Nolan, being the little shit that he is, doesn’t waste time.  

“Derek, attack! Attack!”

“Nolan no!”

Liam was ready to punch Nolan into the outer space, but when a giant dog launches himself on him he can’t do a damn thing about it besides falling to the floor: he’s not going to punch a dog and go to hell for that, because hell would probably look like his beetles infested apartment and it’s already bad enough that Liam has to spend his life in it, he can’t lose all hopes for death too.

“I’m not scared of dogs, I have beetles bigger than him!” Liam announces proudly and his voice sounds a little out of breath because the large pitbull’s paws are on his chest now. “You can’t sc-” Then there’s a warm large tongue on his lips and nose and Liam starts wriggling in panic and making acute sounds very similar to Theo’s singing. This fucking dog is kissing him against his will!

He wonders if that is how Theo felt.   

“Derek, stop, get off him!”

Brett finally drags the dog away and when Liam gets back on his feet he’s arguing animatedly with Nolan about pitbulls reputation, both totally ignoring him. Liam tidies himself up as best as he can and then he sighs loudly. They’re making him waste so much time.

“So, are you in or not?” He cuts them off impatient. “I’ll pay you.”

Liam doesn’t really have money for this, but paying someone can mean a lot of things, one of them being not going to complain to the condominium administrator about the illegal heart on their doorbell.  

Nolan immediately turns to him, interested. “Yeah? How much?”

Brett doesn’t seem convinced. “You’ll pay us to pretend to be your friends, that’s what you’re saying.”

“Yes, just a dinner at my place.” Liam nods. He hopes they didn’t listen carefully to what he said earlier about beetles bigger than their dog or they’ll never come. “It’ll be me and a few other people. You just have to come and pretend to be my friends, like laugh a lot and very loudly, okay? I’ll give you twenty dollars.”

Now, I’ll give you twenty dollars can’t mean a lot of things, but they didn’t seem convinced and Liam really needs them to do this. Even if he needs them to do this for free.

They still don’t look convinced.

“You still have to pay us back for the window.” Brett points out and he can wait forever if he thinks Liam will give them even one dollar for defending his territory.  

“You still have to pay me back for the years of my life lost when I found your used condom on my balcony.” He replies bitter. He hates people like this. They have sex and they want the whole world to know about it, like the world didn’t have anything better to do. Liam has plenty of better things to do, like wait for the sun to explode and kill them all.

“Oh, that” Brett grins mischievous and glances at Nolan and they’re all smirks and giggles now, and even some touching and kisses, like Liam wasn’t even there. No respect. Literally no respect. This is what people in love looks like nowadays. Liam is disgusted.  

“So?” He clears his throat.

“Fine, we’ll stop by. But we won’t have sex with you if that’s what you’re thinking about.” Brett says and Liam chokes on the oxygen.

“Not for twenty dollars anyway.” Nolan adds.

Brett nods, smirking. “Not for twenty dollars.”

Liam doesn’t have a list of people he’d pay to have sex with, but if he had one, this awful couple wouldn’t be on it. Nobody would be on it, because Liam is broke as fuck, and Theo wouldn’t be there either. He wouldn’t even pay Theo to kiss him back, let alone have sex. He’s paying people he hates to pretend to be his friends so he can show Theo he has friends and he’s not some lonely guy nobody will ever want to kiss, but he won’t directly pay him, that’s where Liam draws the limit.

“You’d be the one to pay for having sex with me” He makes clear, smug. “At least fifty dollars.”

Liam waits a little to see if they’re interested, but they just stare back, so probably not. Too bad, he could have used fifty dollars.

“So, we have a deal? You’ll come and pretend to be my friends tomorrow evening?”

“Deal.” Brett nods. “Now fuck off.”

“You fuck off!” Liam shouts at the now closed door.  “And remove the stupid heart from the doorbell, it’s ridiculous and against the rules!”

 

***

 

It’s a first in Liam’s life,  but everything is going great.

Mason and Corey brought pizza and except for the part where Liam tried to get Scott to bite Nolan and he just licked him everywhere, everything is going according to the plan. Well, nobody is actually talking to Liam, it’s like Nolan and Brett are having a double date with Corey and Mason at his place, but Liam will die before he considers people not talking to him a bad thing.

He has a move to make anyway.

“I’ll be back in a minute, you continue having fun guys, the louder the better!”

Scott barks, because he’s the only trustworthy living being in Liam’s life.

 

 

“Hey Theo, listen, I’m having a few friends at my place and I’m out of olive oil, could you lend me some?”

Theo looks perplexed. “You’re having friends?”

Liam shrugs, indifferent. “Yes.”

Theo blinks. “Friends.”

“Mh-mh.”

“Okay.” Theo takes a step back, talking slowly. Liam follows him with his eyes as he walks to the kitchen, but he waits patiently at the door instead of sneaking in immediately as he usually does as soon as Theo stops blocking the door. “What do you even need olive oil for?”

“Stuff, we’re cooking, not me personally, but someone else, I’m not even sure who, we’re so many. So many. I hope the noise doesn’t bother you.” Liam can’t actually hear anything coming from upstairs and this bothers him a lot. How low are they talking? Didn’t he just said to them the louder the better?  He should have invited Mrs Jenkins and her caryatids friends, they’re all so deaf they’re always screaming.

“Don’t worry about it...” Theo hands him the bottle and he looks like he’s about to add something, but Liam just grabs it and turns on his heels.

“Thanks, bye!”

 

 

When Liam walks back in his apartment with a bottle in his hand, everyone seems to suddenly like him more.

“Good, you grabbed something to drink?”

That’s until they see it’s a bottle of olive oil the one he’s holding.

“There’s beer in the fridge.” Liam says defensively  because the look in their face seems to insinuate he’s being a bad house guest. He’s not. His house is awesome or else the beetles wouldn’t have stayed with him even after the poison accident.

“Yeah, empty bottles Liam.” Mason points out and Liam vaguely remembers putting them back on the fridge after he drank them all at once. It’s not garbage if you put it back in the fridge, that’s the rule his drank self made up. His sober self kinda agrees tough.

Brett sighs loudly as he stands up from the couch, untangling himself from his boyfriend. They probably think they’re going to die if they don’t touch each others for longer than two minutes. “We have wine at home, I’ll go gr-”

“Nope, nobody leaves.” Liam holds his bottle of olive oil against Brett threateningly. He’s going to crash it on his head if he has to. Then he’ll just tell Theo they were having so much fun they accidentally broke it. “Not now. This is a crucial moment. Go sit.”

Just to be sure, he drags Scott’s little bed in front of the door and places Scott in it. Scott leaves immediately and runs back to the couch to resume his accurate work of licking Nolan’s hands.  Liam takes a mental note to wash Scott’s tongue before bed time, that can’t be hygienic. Who knows what Nolan touched before coming here.     
“Are you holding us hostage?” Brett asks and Liam immediately has a terrible image of what Nolan could have touched today. He’ll have to put Scott up for adoption now.

“Just because you can’t leave, it doesn’t mean I’m holding you hostage.” Liam snorts annoyed. People just love being dramatic, don’t they. “Just have fun, come on. Louder!”

Brett doesn’t look inclined to have fun, but when Corey starts telling the story of how he almost died in a fire when he was younger he goes back to the couch and laughs as well, because people catching fire are always fun, unless they die of course, then you’re not allowed to laugh anymore, because everyone is such an hypocrite these days. _Stop laughing, Liam, your uncle is dead_ , whatever. Not even at eight years old you can laugh when you want apparently.

 

 

Liam has to wait almost half an hour, but then he finally hears knocking at his door.

“Hey.” Theo says after Liam kicked Scott’s bed away from the door and reminded everyone one more time to make a lot of noise.

“Hey, do you need anything?” He asks making his best surprised face, as if he just remembered about Theo’s existence. Theo who’s totally trying to look behind Liam and spy inside by the way. Liam smiles internally. It’s working.

“I just wanted to know if you’re done with my olive oil” Theo shrugs, still glancing curiously inside. Brett starts laughing loudly right in that moment and Liam almost considers letting him and his little evil boyfriend keep the heart on their doorbell. He decides he’ll still tell Deaton because it’s just not fair, but he hates them a little less now. Perfect timing. “I kinda need it. Because I’m just about to prepare dinner, you know. I’ll probably watch something on Netflix or, I don’t know, I don’t really have any plans for tonight.”

“Oh, okay sure.” Liam shrugs uninterested and he turns back to hide his face because he’s so close to faint just because of how much his plan is working. It’s inebriating. “Nolan, mate, could you pass me the olive oil?” Nolan doesn’t look happy about being called mate, he looks a little scared actually, like everyone in the room, but he still passes Liam the bottle. “Thanks, mate, I can always count on you. Just like that time when you did that friendly thing for me. Because we’re friends. Here.” He hands Theo the bottle and he takes it with a weird look on his face.

He clears his voice, hesitating on the door. “So, are you having fun?”

“Yeah, sure. Plenty of fun.” Liam answers, placing a hand on the door knob, like he’s ready to close it.

Theo looks at it. “Okay.” He says unsure. “I’ll go then.”

“Yeah” Liam says as Theo turns on his heel. And now it’s the moment. “ _You do that.”_

Hearing the same words he dismissed Liam with right after  the kiss, Theo stiffens, starting to turn back, but when he does Liam has already closed the door on his face.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you do it.

 

 

Everyone is looking at him now.

“You know the hot guy from the first floor?” Nolan asks him wide eyed.

“Why the fuck did you send him away?” Brett adds just as shocked.  
Liam crosses his arms on his chest, defensive. “He didn’t kiss me back.”

“You kissed him?” Corey almost screams, because _now_ they decide to listen and be loud, of fucking course.  
“I tried.”

“Holy shit, how come Mrs Jenkins didn’t tell us anything about it?” Nolan looks at his boyfriend and Brett scratches his chin, thoughtful.

“I think her myopia got worse lately, she’s not as informed as she used to.”

Oh, so that’s why she doesn’t glare at Liam as much lately. It’s not because she likes him now, it's because she doesn't see him.

“Why are we here then? To make him jealous?” Corey frowns, staring at Liam as if he’s trying to read his mind.

“So he sees I have plenty of other friends to spend my time with.” Liam explains proudly. He’s such a genius, honestly. He surprises even himself sotimes.

Corey doesn’t seem to agree. “And...?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

Everyone stays silent. It seems it’s not.

“ _And_ he sees how desirable I am. With a lot of friends and everything.”

They just keep staring in silence because they clearly don’t understand social interactions at all, didn’t they _see_ Theo’s face? Liam is a genius and that’s it, but there’s one particular stare that it’s making him uncomfortable. Mason still hasn’t said a word since he confessed about kissing Theo.

“Mason?” Liam tries confused.

“That’s it. I’m out.” He says cold, walking towards the door. “You talk with your new friends.”

Liam’s eyes widen in panic. He didn’t planned this, what’s happening?

“Mase, I swear I wanted to tell you about the kiss but I didn’t want to talk about it!” He explains, but Mason refuses to look at him, freeing himself from his grip and walking out. Corey immediately follows, throwing him a reproachful look as if he didn’t _just_ notice as well that Mason was mad. “Mase, please they’re not my friends, I’m paying them to pretend and I’m not even actually paying them!”

Mason is already on the stairs so Liam is not sure he heard him, but Brett on the other hand has.

“Wait, _what_.”

“You fucking liar!” Nolan throws him a cushion and Scott starts barking  hysterically.

“You always throw your cigarettes on my balcony, did you actually think I was going to pay you? I’ll pay you by returning all the cigarettes butts on your door mat!”

This time Nolan hits him with a pizza crust, right in his face, and Liam is not going to stop Scott now, he just looks at him proudly as he launches himself from the couch fast as the wind and growling, his fur all pricked up as he does when he’s angry. They’re fucked. They’re about to find out a dachshund’s teeth are just as painful as every other dog’s. Then the pizza crust hits the floor and Scott stops to eat it.

 

 

Liam knocks on Theo’s door.

He didn’t plan it,  he’s not even sure why he’s there actually, but everything was going so great and suddenly Liam was all alone betrayed by his own dog too and his feet brought him there before he knew.

Theo arches his brow, questioning.

“Everyone left.” Liam admits whiney. “They’re all mad at me. I have no friends anymore. Can we watch something, please?”

He’s already halfway through the door because he really needs to just lie there next to Theo and make him mad by calling him Theodore and everything, even if he didn’t kiss him back. But Theo moves a little to his left, blocking the entrance better.

“So now that everyone left you suddenly have time for me?” He asks bitter and then he closes the door to his face, leaving Liam gasping incredulous. What’s wrong with everyone tonight? Why can’t they just be nice to him?

“OH YEAH, WHY NOT, KICK ME WHILE I’M ON THE FLOOR, SURE!” He shouts indignant at the closed door before running back to his apartment. That’s how it goes. You go with your best intentions to have an heartfelt bonding moment and they close the door to your face. Fuck it. People are evil and Liam is better alone anyway.

 

***

 

Liam lets Scott lick his hands in comfort for about ten minutes before remembering he spent the evening licking Nolan.

He goes to sleep hoping to be eaten alive by the beetles during the night, but they let him down too, like everyone else in Liam’s life.

 

***

 

Mason hasn’t talked to him in three days. Corey texted him to warn him that he’s nervous because of his own things and to let him vent off before apologizing again. Liam wished he told him before he sent his twelfth apology message.

Brett and Nolan hasn’t spoke to him as well, which is perfectly fine because they’ve never been his friends to begin with. They threw a rotten tomato on his balcony which is not fine because Liam has anger issues and he has had to take several breaths in order to stop himself from going upstairs and beat the holy hell out of both of them.

He didn’t see Theo at all but he threw Nolan’s and Brett’s rotten tomato on his balcony the other morning in retaliation. He regretted it almost immediately and he thought about attaching Scott to a rope and lowering him down from his balcony to Theo’s so he could lick all the mess away, but Scott is scared of heights, so he decided not to. A few hours later the mess was gone, but Theo didn’t come to complain or anything.

This to say, Liam’s life already sucks on his own without adding the monthly condominium meeting to it, but Deaton just can’t help himself apparently.

As if it wasn’t bad enough to be there at six o’clock because that’s the time Deaton decided to do it, because his sexual orientation is _inflicting pain to others,_ Liam swears, one of the main themes of the meeting is Liam’s expulsion from the building.

Nobody thought about letting him know in advance, Deaton just introduced the topic like nothing after the elevator malfunction one, and Liam didn’t even notice right away because he was too busy glaring back at Nolan and Brett and _not_ looking in Theo’s direction, but at some point he was asked if he wanted to say something in his defence before they all voted about his expulsion.

Liam had something to tell, _what the fuck are you talking about_ precisely, so Deaton recapped everything and Liam found out that this Gerard Argent, an old man living in the last floor, complained about the insecticide accident of last week and proposed to throw him out.

Liam never even saw this guys before. First of all, he’s too old to still be alive, and if you risk death because of some bug poison then maybe that should tell you something, like that you don’t belong among the livings anymore. Second of all, he’s from the _last floor_ , Liam has never even been there, there’s no way the smell of his insecticides arrived up there. Mrs Jenkins is behind all of this, Liam swears. She promised this old man free entry on her bed if he did this, there’s no other explanation. And of course Deaton votes against him, he hates him, and Brett and Nolan jumped on board immediately, talking about fraud and kidnapping. Liam _so_ wished he didn’t throw their tomato on Theo’s balcony now, so he could throw it at them right now.  Maybe he would had a chance Theo wouldn’t vote against him too if he didn't vandalize his balcony.

“This is bullshit.” Except he doesn’t anyway. “Are you really going to throw someone out for trying to take care of a problem he shouldn’t have in the first place?”

Deaton frowns. “What do you mean, young man?”

“Yeah well, maybe if the building was taken care of like it _should,_ and didn’t have beetles in it, like it _shouldn’t_ , Liam wouldn’t have had to come to extreme remedies.”

“But he’s the only one to have beetles, so it’s obviously his fault.” And there she is, Mrs Jenkins, first in line. Liam _knew_ it was her all along. He hopes Argent is terrible in bed, that’s what she deserves.

“He’s not the only one, I have them too” Theo immediately says and if Liam didn’t spend so much time in his ridiculously clean apartment, he’d probably believe him. He seems pretty good at lying. “That’s why I had all the insecticides I lend him, because I already used them in my apartment. And I saw one in the elevator the other day. But sure, let’s throw Liam out and not the beetles, what a _brilliant_ idea. When the whole building will be infested you’ll regret throwing out the only one who tried to fight them.” Theo concludes with a sceptical snort and everyone starts whispering. Even Argent looks dubious now. Or maybe his heart just failed him because he’s two hundred years old and it’s a miracle he’s still breathing.

“Well, in that case...” Deaton starts but Mrs Jenkins interrupts him furious, dropping all the masks.

“He killed my plants!”

“Your plants suck!” Liam snaps back because they really do. What’s the point of keeping plants indoors anyway? Can’t she go live in a fucking forest if she wants to be surrounded by plants? Or like, in a cemetery? There’s plants there as well. She should move there permanently.

“What he means is that your plants shouldn’t have been out of your door in the first place, it’s against the rules.” Theo adds politely and Deaton declares the meeting over.

Liam really didn’t mean that.

 

 

Brett makes sure to shoulder him on his way out of the room and so Liam makes sure to shoulder Nolan who lands on Mr Argent who almost dies. He doesn’t though, so Liam hurries to stop Theo before he goes downstairs.  

“Hey.” He starts looking everywhere except at his eyes. “I just wanted to...like, thanks. For that.”

Theo shrugs, not looking at his eyes as well. “It was ridiculous, they didn’t throw you out when you literally broke someone’s window with a stone, why poisoning everyone should be any different.”

“Yeah” Liam nods, keeping himself from pointing out that he didn’t actually poison anyone, not even the beetles apparently. Then Theo seems to be ready to walk away, so Liam calls him again. “Theo, wait.” This time they actually look at each other and Liam suddenly feels the urge to punch him in the face, because otherwise he’ll end up apologizing to him and Liam really doesn’t like to apologize. Still, he kinda likes Theo, so he tugs his hands in his pockets and bites his lip. “Look, I’m sorry that I made you mad at me the other night. I _hate_ that you’re mad at me. Do you think you could maybe stop? Please?” He tries to go for the puppy eyes but all he manages to do is the miserable eyes, which are his eyes most of the time anyway.

Yet, they seem to work, because Theo studies him for just a few seconds before nodding.

“Yeah, I think I could.”

“So you’re _not_ going to close the door to my face again if I come visit you?” Liam insists, because he needs to be sure before he can celebrate.

Theo smirks. “Well, you’ll just have to try and find out.”

This sounds like a terrible plan and Liam is _so_ not going to try. He needs to know, he can’t just risk it again. His face seems to give away his thoughts because Theo sighs, shaking his head. “No, I’m not closing the door to your face, you weirdo. Come for lunch, I know you’re dying to see who wins the Battle of the Bastards.”

“Okay.” Liam smiles widely and it’s only partly because he’ll finally find out if Jon Snow is going to win the battle. Then he takes a step forward raising his arms because he feels so relieved that he’ll hug Theo now.

He won’t. He’s not stupid. He almost _did_ , but he won’t. He stopped just in time.  

Theo is looking at him warily now and it’s probably because Liam’s arms are still mid air, without a purpose anymore. _Do something, do something._  

Liam high fives Theo.

Theo reciprocates very slowly and Liam  tries to save the situation by adding a fist bump to it. And then some other movements as well, because he’s desperate and he doesn’t know how to blow the cringe away anymore. Theo keeps responding to whatever Liam is doing by imitating his gestures, but very slowly and with a concerned expression on his face. It’s time to stop.

“This is our best friends secret handshake” Liam explains and then he lets out a panicked whimper when he realizes he just accidentally friendzoned himself. _No no no_ , _that’s bad, that’s very bad._

“Not that we’re best friends, my best friend is Mason and Mason only” He adds quickly and then he runs away.

 

***

 

Theo didn’t lie.

He doesn’t close the door to his face and lunch - lasagne, Liam’s favourite - is already waiting on the table when he lets him in.

Then they move to the couch to watch one of the most important Game of Thrones episodes ever and Liam keeps checking his phone, which he never does when he’s watching T.V. , to see if Mason answered any of his texts. He didn’t.

At some point Theo seems to notice, because he glances at Liam’s pocket, where he just put his phone back in, and then at his face, hesitant.

“Are your friends still mad at you? Since the other night?”

“Yeah.” Liam nods sadly, careful not to add that the reason why his best and only friend is mad at him is that he didn’t tell him that he kissed Theo. “ _He_ is. Mason.”

“I’m sorry.” Theo says, tapping absently on the empty space between them. “I’m sure he won’t be able to stay mad at you for much longer.”

“Mh.” Liam pouts because Mason’s ability to hold a grudge is one of the things he always admired about him. Then he’s suddenly hauled closer to Theo by his arm now on his shoulders and he finds himself pressed against his side. He glances at him confused, but Theo is staring at the screen, impassive, and Liam does as well. Ramsay just killed someone with an arrow.

Theo doesn’t move his arm from his shoulders and eventually Liam leans on his chest, settling with his head right on his heart.

Jon Snow wins the battle eventually and it’s almost as nice as Theo’s warm embrace and his regular breathing lulling him to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how many parts this will have because it should have been one, and then two, but now it's _at least_ three.  
>  I'm amazed by how much you guys liked the first part, let me know what do you think of this as well please! *insert puppy eyes here*


	3. Chapter 3

 

When someone starts repeatedly screaming ‘ _the King in the North’_ from the screen, Liam opens his eyes.

“Sorry, I fell asleep.” He mumbles and he can feel the wet spot on Theo’s t-shirt right under his chin, where he’s been drooling for a while now. “What happened, is Jon on the Iron Throne now?”

Theo chuckles and Liam’s head shakes a little at pace with his chest. “You didn’t sleep for that long, Grumpy.”

Liam is busy basking in the fondness of Theo’s voice as he talks to him when suddenly the scene cuts to Cersei on the Iron Throne. _Cersei._

“You got to be kidding me!” He growls jumping on his feet in shock. He regrets it immediately because he could have been angrily shocked in Theo’s arms and now he can’t just go back to hugging him like nothing. That only makes him angrier. “Why are the bad guys always winning in this show? Why can’t we have _one_ joy? It’s not enough that the beetles are winning the war and my best friend doesn’t talk to me, now I have to bear with this too! Cersei of all people!”

It’s honestly not fair how Liam’s life is so much harder than everyone else’s.  

“Stop being dramatic.” Theo stood up as well and if he’s trying to be supportive the little smirk on his lips doesn’t help. But Liam is not surprised, this is how life is, only the fools expect help when they need it, when all you can really have is a hot nice guy that will let you use his Netflix but won’t even kiss you.  

“I’m not being dramatic, the universe hates me. Mrs Jenkins and her centenary toy boy almost kicked me out today and now this. I don’t deserve any of it.” Liam complains and what if he sounds whiney, he has every right to be. He falls asleep for five minutes and Cersei takes the Iron Throne, what a joke. “Everyone is evil to me for no reason.”

“They are.” Theo agrees compliant and then he wraps his muscular arms around Liam once again, except this time they’re standing and it can’t pass for anything different than a hug. “You’re a victim of the universe.”

“I am.” Liam mutters against his chest, closing his hands behind his back and resting his forehead on the crook of Theo’s neck. It’s nice and warm and comfortable and Liam deserves something nice and warm and comfortable in his life for a change, so he will never move again, he decides. They will have to use a scraper to remove him from Theo’s neck. He’s going to make a nest between his arms and that will be it, no more beetles in his home.

“But at least you have a hot neighbour.” Theo adds playful and Liam instantly feels the need to headbutt his new nest. Why does he have to be so confusing with all the mixed signals? First he rejects him and then he becomes Mr Cuddly and makes sure Liam remembers he’s hot. Like Liam could possibly forget. He _so_ wants to complain about this, but he also doesn’t want to do anything that could cause Theo to remove him from his new nest, so he just tightens his arms more around his waist and sighs happily.

“We should join our apartments.”

Theo chuckles. “As in you want to move in?”  
Liam sighs annoyed because what does he have to laugh about now, he’s trying to make a serious proposal here. “No, _join_ , so we’ll have a big house instead of two little flats. We just need to find a way to connect them without Deaton noticing. I punched a hole through the wall once, do you think I could do that to the floor?”

“You’re not putting a hole in my ceiling, Leonard.” Theo says and he sounds pretty final because everyone is afraid of commitment except Liam apparently. He huffs defeated.

“What about the balcony” He says after a while, brightening. “We can make a tunnel or something, like a slide that goes from my balcony to yours. Rich people always have slides in their houses to get from one floor to the other.”

“They absolutely do not.” Theo replies because he just needs to ruin all the fun, doesn't he. But then he stays silent for forever and when Liam glances up at his face he finds it thoughtful. “But we could put trampolines on ours balconies, so you could jump down and I could try to jump up.” Liam loves this idea and he smiles enthusiast ready to approve it, but then Theo speaks again. “No, wait, the beetles would jump too. I don’t want them in my house.”

Fucking beetles, always ruining Liam’s life. He sighs sulky and they hug in silence for a long time before Theo clears his voice. He’s probably not ready to sleep like that, which is ridiculous by the way, because if horses can sleep on their feet why can’t they, mh?

“Liam.”

“Mh.” He groans stubbornly refusing to move his face from Theo’s neck.

“It’s almost midnight.” Theo says loosening his arms a little, because he clearly thinks he’s hugging fricking Cinderella.

“I won’t turn into a pumpkin.” Liam reassures him.  

“I know. It’s just...it’s late. Don’t you wanna go?”

Liam sighs annoyed, taking a step away and feeling the irritation stirring inside his chest. “Do you want me to go?”

Theo tugs his hands in his pockets, glancing around. “Yeah, I think you should go.”

“Oh that’s what you think?”

“Yes, because we both have to wake up tomor-”

“Then I’ll guess I’ll go.” Liam cuts him off sharp. “Goodnight, Theodore.” He doesn’t move, he stays there in front of Theo waiting for him to decide how they’re going to dismiss each other. Another hug, a little kiss on the cheek, an embarrassing handshake completed of high-five.

“Goodnight.” Or nothing at all, just a formal _goodnight_ while standing far away from each other like they weren’t just hugging five minutes ago, that’s it.

Liam turns on his heels and walks out. He’ll put sharp spears on his balcony, let’s see how he’ll like them when he’ll try to jump up, fucking asshole.  

He’s so annoyed at Theo for being so hot and inconsistent and he almost turns back to force him to be clear for once, but his therapist always says nothing good comes from angry shouting, which is stupid because guess what, nothing good ever came from silent sulking either, but Liam ‘s feet still bring him back to his apartment where he finds Scott’s poop on the floor and he takes it as a sign.   

He’ll sleep on it –not on the poop, on his annoyance at Theo, that is - and he’ll feel less contentious the next day.

 

***

 

 

“You’re weird.”

The sun is barely up and Liam has never felt more contentious in his life.

“Good morning to you too, sunshine.” Theo yawns, rubbing his eyes and taking a step aside to let him in. “You’re paying me to sing, and you’re not even actually paying me to be fair, and I’m the weird one?”

“You’re weird.” Liam insists resolute crossing his arms on his chest as Theo closes the door behind him. “And I won’t let you weird me out too by being all weird yourself.”

“It is, like” Theo glances at the clock near the fridge. “Six in the morning, Liam.”

“I learned how to read a clock when I was twelve, thank you very much. As I was saying, you-”

“Twelve? That’s incredibly late, w-”

“You always give me food and you let me come here and use your Netflix for free and you’re all nice and flirty and touchy and then you’re cold and you send me home and if you think I’m going to let you confuse me like this then let me tell y-”

“Okay.” Theo sighs, falling on the couch. Liam blinks.

“Okay what.”

“You’re right, I’ve been confusing. Just sit down for a second, come on.” Theo pats the empty space next to him and Liam eyes him carefully before joining him on the couch. It’s clearly a trap, but he’s ready. He didn’t wake up at six in the morning just to be fooled again by Theo’s deceptive hugs and he sure as hell didn’t enter in enemy territory unarmed.

“Look, I-” Those two interrupted words are the first of a long serie of signs that maybe Liam made a mistake. That maybe he didn’t need to attack first, that maybe Theo wasn’t actually trying to hug and confuse him again, but he wanted to explain himself. It doesn’t really matter, because Liam has already slipped the curled up tissue out of his pocket and there’s nothing he can do now to undo the fact that he threw it on Theo’s lap.

Theo doesn’t immediately realizes it, just like Liam doesn’t immediately regret it –it’s just self defence anyway, Theo is acting weird with him and Liam doesn’t appreciate when the people he has a crush on do that, he’s perfectly capable of handling rejection, he’s been doing that his whole life,  but rejection and _then_ hugs? That’s not okay and Theo deserves what’s coming for him.

It’s almost funny at first because Theo screams so loud when the tissue on his lap moves and a big, black beetle suddenly flees from it, but when he jumps on his feet swirling his arms around and the beetle flies on Liam, that’s when it stops being fun. That’s when Liam screams as well, because sure, he’s used to beetles by now, but they usually don't  _fly_.

Then it’s really just chaos.

Liam is not sure who broke the lamp or if Theo was trying to hit him or the beetle when he started launching all that stuff, or how long they went on running around shouting insults at each other and directions to keep track of the beetle’s movements, and usually Liam is faster than this, but he’s so confused by the noises and the doorbell that keeps ringing and he’s not sure who his real enemy in this war is anymore, if Theo or the beetle, which is why at some point he ends up hitting the other boy with a slipper. Even Mr Argent somehow managed to spin downstairs in his wheelchair from the last floor and Liam notices him in the middle of the angry crowd that gathered in front of the door, right behind Mrs Jenkins who starts screaming about expulsion as soon as she spots him standing on a chair. Then Theo moves out of the way to jump back on the couch and the crowd is free to see the cause of all the noise running across the room and it’s hell again. Liam swears he can hear Scott barking from upstairs even with all the people screaming in his ears and he starts barking back that’s it’s okay and not to worry, it’s just people overreacting like they always do, but that’s when Brett’s voice joins the shouting to tell him to shut up, that he’s trying to sleep.

The good news is that Mrs Jenkins, that coward excuse of a human being, is nowhere to be seen anymore, which is an enormous relief because not even the worst criminal in the world deserves the sight of her in that dressing gown.

“Everyone! Get out of my house already!” Theo screams throwing cushions at people from the couch but nobody listens. Everyone is panicking and Liam has never had so much fun in his life. He should always keep a beetle in his pocket from now on.  

Mr Argent is not moving though. Of course someone had to ruin the party by dying, of fucking course.  

“Derek, come on, attack! Kill them all!” Hearing Nolan’s voice, Liam stiffens on his chair ready to be sexually assaulted by the giant pitbull once again, but Derek stops a few feet from him, sticks his big pink tongue out and laps the beetle.

“No, him! Eat _him!_ ” Nolan insists pointing at Liam, but Derek just keeps chewing pacifically. 

The room falls silent and Deaton is even able to get down of the counter without breaking his neck. Not that Liam wished him to of course. He would never.  _Maybe next time._

“See? I’m not the only one with beetles.” Liam says bitter.

Mr Argent starts snoring.

 

***

 

Somehow Liam ended up being the one to carry Mr Argent back to his apartment on the last floor, being the elevator broken. Theo didn’t expose him in front of everyone and he did pretend that the beetle was already in his apartment when Liam came to visit, but he refused to help Liam by carrying at least the wheelchair, which means Liam is dead when he comes back after doing all the stairs in the building two times in a row. This old man will bury them all.

He knocks, but Theo doesn’t open the door. He must be holding a grudge or something. Liam guesses that can happen when you ambush someone with a beetle. He decides to give him time to vent off and come back later, he’ll surely will be over it by lunch.

 

 

Theo ignores him all day.

 

***

 

 

“Yes, double chocolate,  mhmh, sure, you can totally put strawberries too, why not- _how much?!_   For strawberries? Do you have a special kind of strawberries growing out of unicorns hearts? Are they made of gold? No? Then no, I’m not paying you a kidney for some normal strawberries, just make it simple, chocolate and that’s it. Okay. Sure. No, I don’t want a –whatever, look, I need you to write on it, with the icing, you know? Yes, red, green, whatever, I don’t care, just write this, are you listening? Okay, so: _I’m sorry that I threw a beetle at you._ Are you there? Hello? Mr pastry men? No, it’s not a joke, why would...yes, I’ll pass by in a hour, perfect.   _I’m sorry that I threw a beetle at you,_ yes. Wait. Can you add _but you deserved it_? Thanks. Okay, Liam Dunbar, yes, see you later. Yes, he deserved it. Bye.”

 

***

 

“Theodore, open the door, come on.” Liam knocks with one hand, the other one holding the cake, rigorously in a plastic plate, because they wanted five dollars just for a box, fucking thieves. “I brought you a cake to apologize, like they do in movies. I mean, _the cake_ is apologizing, but you need to open so you can read it!” Liam waits a few more seconds and then he starts to get annoyed. Who does this guy think he is making him wait for so long, doing all this dramatic scenes as if Liam killed his cat. He’s getting a cake in the face as soon as he opens, that’s it, he’s done been nice. “Look, you asshole piece of shit, if you keep disrespecting me like t-”

“Liam?”

Theo is behind him, keys in his hand. Of course.

“Yes, totally Liam. Hi.”

“Why were you insulting m-what’s that?” Theo glances at the cake with a frown, instantly annoying Liam. That’s not the awe you’re supposed to show towards a cake appearing in your life with no warning. But he should have expected it, that’s what you get for being generous and thoughtful and nice to people, a frown. He spent his last twelve dollars for a fucking frown.

“An apology cake” Liam explains and he emphasizes on _cake_ , in case Theo wants to remember how to be a decent human being and finally show some excitement and gratitude. He doesn’t, he still looks confused. “You didn’t answered your door all day because you’re mad, so I...wait, you’re not mad?”

“Yes, of course I’m mad, you attacked me with a beetle like a crazy man.” Theo scoffs and Liam rolls his eyes because a crazy man wouldn’t have planned it like he did. “But I was also at work, that’s why I didn’t answered the door.” Theo’s eyes, fixed on the cake, suddenly narrow. “Is your apology cake blaming me for what you did this morning?”

“Yes, it’s an apology cake, not a _lying_ cake, it was your fault too.”

“That’s not how apology cakes work.” Theo mutters because not everyone can be as mature as Liam when it comes to take responsibility for your actions.

“Yeah, well, I don’t see _your_ apology cake, mister expert” He retorts smug.

“That might be because I didn’t throw a beetle at you.”

Liam scoffs. “No, you just threw mixed signals at me, which is worse.”

Theo looks like he’s about to protest something, but then he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Alright, come inside. We’ll eat the cake and we’ll talk about this.”

Liam feels very blessed that he can eat the apology cake as well, he wasn’t sure about what the apology cakes rules said on that, and then there’s the fact they’ll talk, which is also good – _it’s not_ , Liam regrets everything now, he doesn’t want to talk, terrible things can happen when people talk, what if Theo tells him that he can never knock on his door again? Or worse, what if he starts singing? Liam is not sure his ears can deal with that without a floor between them.

“You didn’t put beetles in it, did you.” Theo stops with his keys in the door lock to throw him a suspicious glance.

Liam blinks. “What.”

“Liam, if this is another trap and a beetle crawls out of this cake, I promise I’ll kick you out of the condominium  myself.” He threatens and Liam feels his mouth open in disdain. Beetles in the cake? Who does he think he is? He has at least twenty other places he’d put beetles in if he wanted to sneak them inside his house again. “And empty your pockets before entering.”

“Oh my god, are you serious, you hide a beetle in your pocket _once_ and suddenly you need to be searched, ridiculous” Liam mutters annoyed, turning his pockets upside down anyway, because it’s not a big deal, they’re empty like his life.

“The pastry chef probably spat in it though.” He adds honestly as he follows Theo inside. Not that it matters, he paid fifteen dollars for it, he’d eat his grandma at this point.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theo was supposed to actually explain himself to Liam in this chapter, but then Liam had to go and throw a beetle at him. I didn’t plan it. I apologize on his behalf, maybe next chapter he’ll behave and let Theo speak. Or maybe not, I literally have no idea at this point. As always, don't let me speak all by myself or I'll die of loneliness and you'll feel bad about it.


	4. Chapter 4

 

“Three slices for me, thanks.” Liam says politely as Theo places a slice of cake in his plate. “I didn’t have lunch.” He adds in explanation because in two-thousand-eighteen you still need to justify yourself for having basic human needs apparently. It’s not like he didn’t eat anything, he ate two plates of pasta actually, but he ate them on the couch and lunch only counts if you eat it while sitting at the table, otherwise it’s just a snack.

“That’s like half of the cake.” Theo replies and his hand doesn’t move, because he actually has the audacity to deny food to starving people.

Liam doesn’t say anything, but he looks down at his own hands with a sad sigh and then back at Theo, trying to look very miserable. He _feels_ miserable as a general rule, so he doesn’t need to try much.

Theo holds his gaze for a while, but his lips tremble a little and eventually he’s shaking his head while serving him another large slice of cake. Liam smirks victorious. He’s getting so good at this looking miserable to obtain benefits thing, soon he’ll have everyone at his feet.

“Here, but stop with the puppy eyes, okay?” Theo mutters adding the third slice on Liam’s plate.

Liam frowns.  

“Wait, what? I’m not doing _puppy eyes_ , whatever that is, I’m being miserable and hungry!”

Theo shrugs. “Yeah, well, you look like a puppy when you’re miserable.”

“But I’m miserable all the time.” Liam points out pouting.

Theo smiles softly. “Exactly.” Then he leans over to ruffle Liam’s hair.

Liam has never felt so disrespected in his life.

“What are you...I could kill you, okay?” He can’t have people think they can just ruffle his hair with no consequence. He might have to start hiding beetles in there too. “I want to kill people all the time.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

“I’m dangerous.” Liam insists, trying to make an evil face. He doesn’t quite succeed because there’s so much cake in his plate and he actually feels less angrier than usual.

“I know.” Theo agrees.

“Like a rottweiler.” Still, less angrier than usual is a lot angrier than the average person.

“More like one of those really aggressive chihuaua.” Theo smirks through his cake stuffed mouth and Liam gasps, almost choking. He didn’t say it. He didn’t just fucking say _that_.

“You take it back now, Theodore.” He growls menacing. “Do you know who has an evil chihuahua? You live next to her, how could you not know.” Mrs Jenkins, that’s who. “You take it back _now_ or I’ll...I’ll do stuff that you can’t even imagine. The stuff nightmares are made of. The stuff that makes movies restrict-”

“Okay, like a mad dachshund then.” Theo concedes, clearly terrified by Liam’s threats. “They’re cuter than chihuahuas anyway.”

“Yes, they are.” Liam agrees because Scott is so much cuter than Monroe, even when he welcomes him home with poop on the floor. “ But I’m not cute. I’m hot. I’m smoking hot. I could burn you from how hot I am.” Sometimes Liam loses control of his actions and this is what’s happening now, as he reaches for Theo’s forearm with his index and touches it emitting the sizzling noise of something burning.

Theo giggles and there’s so much fondness in his eyes as he looks at him that Liam feels like melting a little. But then Theo clears his voice looking away and it’s gone again.

“So...” He says as Liam goes back to chewing his cake. “I somehow had the impression that you were frustrated at me this morning.”

“I was fucking mad at you.” Liam clarifies.

“Right.” Theo nods. “Because I’ve been confusing.”

“Lunatic, inconsistent, borderline asshole.”

“Okay. Well...” Theo sighs and then he stands up, nodding for him to follow to the couch. Liam is not sure what’s so special about that couch and why they can’t talk at the table since they’re eating, and maybe that’s the point, Theo wants him to stop focusing on the cake and this is why he left his behind. Exhilarating. Not happening. Liam quickly steals another slice of cake before taking his plate to the couch with him. He doesn’t listen from his mouth anyway. “Before you decided to attack me with the live beetle you sneaked into your pocket, and I’m repeating it because I still need to convince myself that’s a real thing that happened to me, I was going to inform you that I just...”

The cake is so good even without the golden strawberries and if the rude pastry man actually spat in it Liam will just have to ask him to spit on everything he’ll eat from now on, because his saliva is fucking delicious. He keeps happily chewing and inspecting his cake for quite a long time before he realises Theo is not speaking anymore.

He turns to look at him and that’s what Theo wanted apparently, because as soon as their eyes look he continues.

“...broke up with my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?” Liam mumbles confused with his mouth still full. Theo’s eyes linger a little on the piece of icing that fell right on the black leather of the couch, so Liam does the polite thing and licks his finger and picks it up, but as soon as he throws it into his mouth Theo looks away all disgusted, because that’s what you get for being considerate these days. Next time he’ll just leave it on his precious couch, let’s see how he likes that.  

“Yes, we broke up just a few days before I moved here. So, it’s rather new, you know? I’ve been single for less than a month.” Liam truly doesn’t see the problem in that, he’s been single all his life and it’s not like there’s much to get used to, a month is more than enough in his opinion. You’re alone and you never have sex, that’s it. “And we were together since I was in high school, so I didn’t really plan on getting involved with anyone anytime soon, but you keep appearing out of nowhere and for some reason I like it, a lot, but I’m not supposed to because as I said, I _just_ broke up with Brad and I don’t know if I’m ready to-”

“Well, maybe _I’_ m not ready, what do you know.” Liam cuts him off bitter. “The world doesn’t spin around you, Theodore. Maybe I just bought a new fridge and I’m not ready for other changes in my life right now.”

“Your fridge is old and broken.” Theo points out and Liam growls, like a rottweiler does.

“Your ex is old and broken!”

Unbelievable. His fridge is not broken. Just because it’s not exactly _cold_ inside, it doesn’t mean it’s broken. Fucking judgy asshole with his perfect fridge and his perfect couch.

“My ex is a twenty-eight years old rich doctor.” Theo replies because he likes to brag now apparently.

“Do you think I care if this Brad Doctor is rich? I don’t.” Liam doesn’t like where the conversation is going, why are they now talking about his ex’s merits? “So, why it didn’t work out anyway?” He adds casual, keeping himself from grinning victorious. What a brilliant move right there, diverting the topic on what was _wrong_ with his ex. He’ll be glad to examine that all day long.

Theo doesn’t seem on the same page though, judging from how long he bites his lip thoughtful before finally answering. “I didn’t like myself much when I was with him.” He says slowly. “Let’s just say that he wasn’t a good person. Like, he’s literally in jail now.”

“Did he kill someone?” Liam immediately asks, eyes wide as his heart races. “I don’t want to die.”

Theo frowns confused. “Okay...?”

“I mean, is he gonna kill me for trying to kiss you?”

Liam starts glancing around wary, suddenly aware that Theo’s ex could burst through the door and attack him at any moment. He’s not comfortable with that, he doesn’t even have any beetles with him right now, how is he going to defend himself from a jealous serial killer?

“Nobody is going to kill you except your concerning lifestyle, Li. And we’re not together anymore as I just said. I broke up with him.”

Liam does not appreciate people spreading lies about his lifestyle, but Theo got his interest now. “You?” That’s a good thing, right? Liam is not sure how breaking up works, since he never had someone to break up with, but if Theo is the one that did it, then it means...Liam is not sure what it means. Relationships are so confusing. He’s happy he never had one, except that time at primary school where he thought he had a girlfriend for a week but it turned out she didn’t know about it. Confusing indeed.

“Yes. I almost ended up in jail too because of his...stuff, so, yeah. I moved here and decided to start new.”

“I’m new.” Liam automatically says and then he coughs. “I mean, stuff as in...”

“Drugs, he was a drug dealer.”

“Oh, drugs, yeah yeah, I saw Narcos, so cool.” It’s a lie, Liam didn’t see it, but he can’t have Theo thinking he’s so misinformed on something his ex was a boss at. “Breaking Bad too.”   

Theo tilts his head to the side clearly impressed and Liam shoves what’s left of the cake in his mouth to gain time. So Theo likes bad boys.

Well guess what. Liam is the baddest of them all.

“I’ve been in jail too.” He declares proud and it’s not even a lie this time. Best two days of his life, no beetles, free food and nobody would talk to him.

Theo smiles, shaking his head. “Yeah? And what did you do, oh ruthless criminal?”

He’s probably turned on right now, Liam can tell.

“I punched a guy who touched a skeleton in a museum. There was a no touching sign bigger than his brain.” Liam explains, the rage waking up in his chest as he thinks about it. “Fucking dickhead.”

“What were you doing in a museum?”

“Watching dinosaurs. They’re so cool.”

Theo looks surprised. “You like dinosaurs?” He asks curious.

“I like everything that’s in the past.” Liam explains very generally, because people always get weird when he shares his deep desire of going back in time and living with dinosaurs. “Like, what’s not to like about it, everything is better if it’s in the past, the people? All dead, I love dead people. The animals? They had _dinosaurs_ , what do we have now, chihuahuas, that’s what. They didn’t exist back then, you know, I looked it up, the first chihu-”

“This is very weird and fascinating at the same time, but that’s not why you woke me up at six in the morning today, is it.” Theo says and all Liam hears is that he finds him fascinating.

“No, it’s not. So, how was he? Was he weird and fascinating too? Did he have a dog?”

  
“He didn’t have a dog. He had an aquarium.”

Liam nods. “Yeah, typical.”

Theo frowns. “Of what.”

“People like him.”

“Like who.”

“Doctors. Drug dealers.” Liam gestures vaguely. He has no idea what he’s talking about. “They all have aquariums. So unoriginal. _Fishes_. Please. Get out of here with that bullshit. Who even wants a fish as a pet, so boring.”

“Actually, they were pretty” Theo comments. “All colourful and artistic.”

“I have a salmon fillet upstairs.” Liam shrugs. “It’s all orange. Do you want to see it? Since you like  colours and fishes.”

Theo bites his lip, holding back a smile. “I’m good, thanks.”

“Okay” Liam says and then he pretends to blow his nose just to do something.

They stay quiet for a while, then Theo breaks the silence.

“He was supportive of me singing, you know.” He says casual.

“I’m supportive.” Liam immediately points out. “I pay you.”

“You don’t actually do that. You always have an excuse at the end of the month.”

“But I _say_ I’ll pay you, this is more than anyone in their right mind would say.”

“You’re so rude” Theo complains as if it was Liam’s fault how the truth sounds. “I like that.”

Liam blinks taken aback. “You like me being rude.” He repeats confused.

“Yes.” Theo confirms. “Brad was always  _oh Theo your voice is like honey, sing something for me_.”

“Was he deaf?”

“But it’s not, it fucking sucks, anyone can hear that, and yet you’re the only one who actually says it.” Theo smiles. “I like it.”

It’s not like Liam doesn’t agree, but he’s genuinely lost now.

“Wait, what do you mean it sucks.”

“Mh?”

“You said your voice sucks.”

“Yes, I can’t sing.”

“But you do it all the time.”

“I love singing. It doesn’t mean I’m good at it or that I care about being good at it.”

“Didn’t you make an audition for that famous singing school?”

“I didn’t actually.”

“You didn’t.” Liam echoes him incredulous.

“No, I have a job and I’m about to graduate in foreign languages and literatures, I don’t plan on making singing my job.” Theo explains all casual and calm like he didn’t just took off the mask to reveal the face of lies and fake behind it. What else is he hiding? Does he even like Game of Thrones after all?

“So you lied to me the first time we spoke.” Liam reminds him, still dazzled. “Literally _the first_ time.”

Theo frowns. “The first time we spoke you told me to shut the fuck up and I said no.”

“Yeah well, the _second_ time.” Liam snorts because that’s so not the point. “Why did you lie?”

 “Because I didn’t know you and you appeared out of nowhere asking questions and behaving like my boss?” Theo raises his brows eloquently.

Well, okay then.

“I see.” He mutters, before a doubt crosses his mind. “Then what was it?”

“What?”  
“Why had you stop singing?”

He can see the indecision on Theo’s face as he slumps back on the couch sighing, his eyes on the ceiling as he contemplates whether Liam is worthy of the truth or not. It seems like he’s not, because the silence fills the room for a decent amount of time then, but eventually Theo’s low voice breaks it again.

“My sister was the only other person who always said straight to my face that I was terrible at singing.” There’s a new fondness in his voice, but also a vein of sadness and Liam immediately knows why he said _was_. “My parents always gave her lectures for that. They still pretend I’m good at singing to this day.” He smiles softly, shaking his head. “Anyway, I wasn’t singing because it was the anniversary of her death and since she was always begging me to give her a break, I give her just that every year on that day.” He shrugs, looking back at Liam. “I didn’t know you would have noticed or mind it.”

Liam instantly feels a little bad that he scolded him for not singing that day, because even if he loves being an only child, he can see in Theo’s eyes that losing a sister is even worse than a beetle invasion.  He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say now, so he just rest his hand on the couch next to Theo’s, very casually, so that their pinkies are brushing.

The corner of Theo’s mouth lifts up a little and they stay like that for a while, without speaking, until Liam suddenly straightens, hit by the realisation.

“Wait, so you never actually stopped singing. It was just that single day.”

“Yes.”

“And you were always going to start again the day after? Even if I didn’t come knocking on your door?”

Theo shrugs. “Of course I would have, I told you, I love it.”

Liam gasps indignant. “So you fooled me into paying you for something you would have done anyway!”

“Yes, but you fooled me into thinking you would have paid me for it when you actually just started stealing Netflix and food from me.”

“Well, you let me do it!” Liam snaps and he regrets it even as he’s doing because they now have reached the point where Mrs Jenkins can hear everything they’re saying and every neighbour will know in no time.

“Because you’re cute and fun and I like having you around even if I’m always terrified a beetle is going to crawl up from your clothes at any moment!” The only consolation is that Theo is talking just as loud as him.

“Then why didn’t you kiss me back.” Liam murmurs and this time he can barely hear himself.

“Because I’m not ready for a relationship, I told you.” Theo sighs and he lowers his voice too. They’re pretty coordinate at least.

“A kiss is not  a relationship.” Liam mutters because even if he’s not an expert he knows that much.

“We already see each other every day and I make you food and we cuddle on the couch while watching Netflix, if we add a kiss to that it’s a relationship.” Theo replies and Liam frowns surprised.

“Is it?”

Theo shrugs. “Kinda.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Liam mumbles honestly.

“No?”  
“I never really had a relationship before.” He confesses a little embarrassed, looking intensely at his nails. Theo probably had tons of relationship, since he’s so pretty and smart. “Just a thing with a girl, but super short. She saw the beetles and never called back.”

“Well, she was stupid.” Theo concludes, tapping his pinkie on the couch next to Liam’s right where he kept it this all time. “She could have just bought you insecticides.”

“Well, you’re stupid too.” Liam mutters instinctively. “You could have just kissed me back.”  
He walks away leaving an astonished silence behind him and he reaches the door.

_Don’t turn around, don’t turn around, it’s perfect, don’t ruin it._

He almost makes it, but before opening the door he furtively glances back to see if Theo is looking at him. He is. _Shit_. Liam runs.  

 

 

***

 

 

Liam thought they were going with the silent treatment thing, but Theo knocks on his door not even twenty minutes later.

“I brought you food. Can I come in?” He asks with a smile, holding a box of pop tarts.

“Obviously.” Liam moves from the door because he’d let the devil himself in if he showed up with pop tarts in his hand.

Theo hesitates. “I mean, can I come in even if I’m not going to kiss you?”

Liam’s pride groans painfully. “Oh my god yes, don’t make a big deal out of it, I’m not here begging you for a kiss or anything, actually I’ll let you know that I can get a kiss from anyone else whenever I want, people _throw_ themselves at me when I go to Sinema.”

Theo chuckles lightly, following him in the kitchen as Liam tries to find a safe spot where to hide his pop tarts from the beetles. They seem to be just everywhere.  “Then why are you still single?”

“Because I hate people that throw themselves at other people, like the fuck is wrong with them, personal space is a thing. And I never go to Sinema anyway, I always get into fights and I get thrown out.”

“A lot of throwing in your nights.” Theo comments leaning against the table, watching as Liam puts the lid on the pot he just used as strongbox for his pop tarts. Let’s see if those little bastards can lift a lid. “Would you come with me to Sinema? If I stopped people from throwing themselves at you?”

Liam freezes, completely taken aback. Is he asking him out? He wants to scream that yes, he’d go everywhere with him, but he also wants to have a dignity, so he pretends to consider it.

“Would I? You just have to ask and find out.” He says eventually and he’s so proud of himself. _Play hard to get, come on, Liam. Time for payback._ “Yes I would, I would come to Sinema with you, are we going? Tomorrow?”

Shit. Fuck his tongue.

Theo clears his voice, running a hand through his hair. “Sure, but like, I meant as friends.”

He meant as friends.

Liam dies and his soul tries to leave the room through the ceiling, just before the floor cracks open and the devil drags it back to hell without even offering pop tarts in return, but his face remains perfectly happy. He even manages to smile. A little hysterical smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“Yes, obviously, as friends. No changes. The fridge and the ex. We talked about that already. Friends. Are we going?”

Theo smiles too. Except he doesn’t look like he’s having a stroke. “Yes, we’re going. Come knock at my door after dinner tomorrow.”

 

Liam keeps throwing his fake smile at the door for almost ten minutes after Theo left, then Scott farts and he throws himself on the couch to scream against the pillow.

 _As friends._ Liam hates friends. He’s happy he doesn’t have any.  

 

 

***

 

**Sent, 3.40 pm, to: Mason** _I know you’re mad at me for not telling you about Theo and I apologize again but I need your help now or I’m one hundred percent going to die tonight and you’ll feel bad about it for the rest of your life while I’ll be underground DEAD_

 **Sent, 3.42 pm, to: Mason** _DEAD._

 **Sent, 3.43 pm, to: Mason** _foods for the ants._

 **Received, 3,45 pm, from: Mason** _What is it?_

 **Sent, 3.48 pm, to: Mason** _Theo asked me out and I said yes and I thought we had a date and we were going to kiss at the end but turns out I just agreed to be friends instead._

 **Received, 3.50 pm, from: Mason** _It’s okay._

 **Sent, 3.51 pm, to: Mason** _It’s really not?_

 **Received, 3.55 pm, from: _Mason_** _It’s okay, Liam, there’s no way you two stay just friends if I decide you’re not going to. I got this. Come to me in five minutes, I’ll dress you and he’ll be at your feet by the end of the night._

Friends are truly the best thing ever, Liam never doubted it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They did it, they talked and there wasn't a single beetle involved, are you guys proud of Liam? Are you not? Do you feel the void towards this whole thing? Let me know.


	5. Chapter 5

 

“I just don’t understand how can you be such an hypocrite.” Liam mutters bitter zipping the ridiculously skinny jeans he’s been given.  “You forced me to throw away my pants because _oh my god Liam they’re all ripped, how can you wear them_ , and now you give me these. It’s like I’m wearing gruyere.”

“Those are like this on purpose, not because they’re six years old like your horrible baggy jeans, don’t even start with me, Li. Here, wear this.”

Liam huffs annoyed shoving his head in the shirt Mason is handing him. It’s even more tight than the jeans and the suspect Mason didn’t actually forgive him and he’s just trying to suffocate him shines more than ever.

“You’re so pale” Mason sighs eyeing him critically. “Why don't you ever go out in the sun?”

“I don’t _like_ the sun.” Liam points out impetuous because fuck the sun, always up there in the sky above everyone like it’s this superior thing, just giving sweat and cancer to people. “Mase, I can’t move my arms.”

“Yes you can.”

“Yes I can” Liam admits honestly. “But look, every time I do this” He lifts his arms above his head and shakes his hips a little, like he’d do on a dance floor. “The shirt does that.” Liam nods at his abdomen left exposed by the shirt.

Mason shrugs unimpressed. “So?”

“So it leaves me basically naked!”

“Exactly.” Mason grins eloquent. “That’s the point.”

Liam huffs. “Oh, that’s the point? Why do I have to wear a shirt if the point is being naked? Can’t I just go naked in the first place?”

Now Mason looks interested. “Are you willing to do that?”

“If you pay me enough sure, I’ll go naked wherever you want, even in a church.” If he gets arrested again Theo’s ex won’t stand a chance, you can’t be more of a bad boy than someone who ended up in jail _twice_. Drug is for pussies anyway, real men go down with indecent exposure. 

“I’m not paying you.”

“Then no.”

“Then wear your shirt.”

“It’s Corey’s.”

“Then wear Corey’s shirt.”

“I’m already wearing it.”

“Good. Keep doing it.”

Liam feels the urge to tear the shirt to shreds, because who decided it’s okay for jeans but not for shirts anyway, but he needs to listen to Mason if he wants Theo to kiss him back. Mason knows how these things work, he manages to get Corey to kiss him every single day, even when he’s sick, which is why they always end up being sick at the same time by the way. 

Meanwhile, Mason took advantage of his distraction to grab a pencil and he’s now bringing it dangerously close to Liam’s face. He obviously jumps back, raising his fists in a defensive position. “You’re not drawing things on my face!”

“I’m not.” Mason agrees. “It’s an eye pencil. Let me-”

“No! There’s no such thing as eye pencils! You don’t put pencils inside your eyes, what the hell Mason? Are you going to try and use a cheek rubber next? A nose sharpener?”

“Just a little eyeliner” Mason mutters stepping closer and forcing Liam to glue his back to the wall, trapped. “You have pretty eyes, I’m sure Theo noticed already but let’s make sure he notices more.”  

“He’ll see them anyway even if you don’t circle them, he’s not stupid, they’re _right_ on my face.”

“Stop moving.”

“No, please, don’t-” It’s touching him. The pencil is touching his eye, it’s too late.

“Liam.” Mason says very calmly, moving the pencil just a few inches away from his left eye. “I’d rather do this when you’re conscious but I’m ready to knock you out if I have to. You came here, you asked me for help, you’re in my power now, you can’t disobey me. Okay?”  
“Okay.” Liam nods because Mason is scary and he could also be right, maybe Theo is not as smart as he looks and he’s not able to find his eyes without written directions. When he’ll see just how blue his eyes really are he won’t have a choice but kissing him back.

“If you blind me I’m suing you.” He adds anyway for good measure.

Mason doesn’t seem concerned. “You don’t have enough money to hire a lawyer.”  

That’s very true. Liam would also never pay someone to fight people for him when fighting people is the one thing he’s good at.

“I’ll study and I’ll become one myself.”

“How will you study after I blinded you?” Mason asks uninterested as he changes pencil. This one feels even wetter on his eyelid.

“If you’re going to blind me, I expect you’ll have at least the decency to read things for me after” Liam mutters trying not to cry as Mason moves his eyelid as if it was an accessory. Does he know it’s attached to his face? Liam feels like he should know that before doing things to other people’s faces.

“I won’t read for you just so you can become a lawyer and sue me, Liam.” He says because of course you can never expect altruism from humans, not even from your best friend.

“Then I’ll-”

“Shut up or I’m actually blinding you.”

Liam shuts up. Until Mason tries to move to his other eye.

“What if you do just one eye.” He proposes.

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it more cool if I have one eye with your weird thing and one normal?”

Mason looks at him. “No, it’s not.” He decrees and then proceeds to torture his other eye.

Liam huffs. “Can you at least draw me a fake tattoo? Or a very big scar?”

“No.”

“Oh, my god, Mase, his ex is in _jail_ , how am I supposed to make him kiss me if I don’t even have a face tattoo?”

“You’ll manage.”

“If it doesn’t work I’ll kiss Corey, I’m telling you.” Liam threatens just as Corey enters the room.

“Hey Liam.”

“Hey.”

“I’m not kissing you, you always eat weird stuff.” He points out, lying. Liam’s diet is very normal and the expired moving banana was an accident, thank you very much. “What are you guys doing?”

“I’m making Liam irresistible so his neighbour will kiss him.” Mason explains stopping torturing him just to press a quick kiss on his boyfriend’s mouth. Liam stares curious. They make it seem so easy. Who knows what Theo doesn’t get about it. “Liam is complaining as always.”

“Self defence is not complaining” He clears out as Mason finally puts his weapons down and drags him in front of the mirror.

“So?”

Liam studies himself.

Everything seems too tight and his eyes look weird.

“I never saw anyone hotter than me in my whole life” He decrees.

“That’s right!” Mason pats him on the shoulder satisfied. “Let’s go, destroy him!”

“Yes!” Liam exults excited. “I’m gonna fucking kill him!”

Mason stops grinning.

Liam clears his throat.

“Not literally.”

Mason keeps staring.

“I’m going now.”

He goes for the door and Corey calls him back dramatically.

“Liam, remember, whatever you do, don’t kiss him first. He’ll have to do it this time.”

Liam nods thoughtful, a little smirk slowly appearing on his lips. Smart plan.

“Yes, I’ll make him kiss me first” He agrees. “And then I’ll say _ah! You wish bitch! Too late!_ and walk away. Serves him right.”

“Or I’ll just kiss him back.” He adds when Mason and Corey both look at him disapprovingly. They seem to like this better because they nod happily. Liam likes this plan better too.

 

 

***

 

Liam’s eyes look so deep after being tortured by Mason and Corey’s stifling clothes show off just how trained a body can get from running after beetles every single day, so Theo’s impressed look as he opens the door is really not surprising.

“Wow.” Wow indeed. Look at what you refused to kiss, you stupid prick. “You’re...” 

“Pretty hot, I know.” Liam nods in agreement, because sometimes you need to be honest. “It took no effort at all.” He adds casual because not all the times though. “I’m just this hot.” He shrugs proud, before taking in just how much seeing Theo in a light pink dress shirt improved his life. “You’re hot too.”

Theo smiles warmly. “Thanks. It took me some effort.”

Liam doesn’t think that’s the case.

“So, shall we?” Theo grabs a leather jacket and steps out of the door. Liam doesn’t move, because his confidence got stuck in Theo’s apartment and he just closed the door, trapping it inside. 

“I need to go change my shirt.” He announces quickly. “This one leaves me naked when I do this, look.” He does the thing and the shirt does the thing too. Theo looks at it and then back at Liam’s eyes – he can’t miss them, they’re circled.   

“It’s nice, don’t change it.”

Theo just basically said that he’d find nice to have Liam naked in his bed, there’s no other interpretation to it, so Liam’s confidence sneaks out under the door and comes back to him.

“Don’t tell me what to do” He mutters anyway because he’ll wear a camping tent if he feels like it.

He keeps the shirt.

 

 

***

 

Theo is totally walking towards the blue truck Liam curses against everyday because it’s always parked in his favourite spot and he suddenly feels so relieved that he never gave in to his vindictive side and hole its wheels. Of course it’s Theo’s truck, of fucking course.

He also feels like a traitor to his car as he enters the enemy, but it’s not his fault if he crushed on the enemy’s owner, he didn’t know and he certainly didn’t plan it. Some people just go around looking like that and actually expect you not to crush on them and be their _friend,_ ridiculous.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be Theo’s friend, Theo would probably make a good friend to be fair, the one that gives you food and hugs and doesn’t get too offended when you throw beetles at him, but he would also make a good boyfriend, if he only learnt to kiss back and not be confusing.

“What are you thinking about?” Theo’s voice sounds amused and Liam stops staring out of the window to glance at him.

“Nothing, I hope Scott doesn’t think I abandoned him or something.”

“We left ten minutes ago.”

“He gets anxious when I’m gone.” It’s a lie. Scott barely notices because he’s an ungrateful little rat and as long as there's food in his bowl and pillows to sleep on he doesn’t care about anything. Liam is the only one getting anxious here. Maybe it’s because Theo’s eyes are too green tonight or because Liam still doesn’t understand what they’re even doing, but his neck suddenly feels really hot and his heart starts beating faster. He sighs deeply trying to calm himself and Theo’s concerned look doesn’t help.

“Liam? Something’s wrong?”

He immediately shakes his head, breathing deeply. “No, it’s just, can you lower the window a little?”

“Sure.”

The cold wind stroking his face and neck is pleasant and Liam keeps breathing slowly, feeling a little calmer.

“Are you okay?” Theo asks after a while. “We can totally go back home and watch something if you prefer.”

“No, I’m okay” Liam shakes his head eagerly. “I’m just...I’m happy. That we’re doing this.”

Theo keeps watching the road as he drives but the fond smile that folds his lips and draws wrinkles at the corner of his eyes makes Liam melt a little.

“I’m happy too.” He says moving one hand from the steering wheel to quickly ruffle Liam’s hair.

Liam automatically leans in the touch because he’s happy that Theo is happy and that he didn’t specify once again that they’re doing this as friends, but above all he’s happy Mason is not there to see Theo’s hand ruffling all the hard work he put in styling his hair, or else he wouldn’t have a hand anymore.

 

***

 

Turns out not only Theo can’t sing, he can’t dance either.

Liam is not sure if it _is_ that funny, the way he’s just randomly throwing around all his limbs without a care in the world, or if it’s the drink he’s sipping and the two already in his system that make it look so funny, but he can’t help but giggle.    

“What.”

“Nothing.” He shrugs and it comes out with a choked laugh. Maybe it’s the drinks fault too, okay, but when Theo tries to pass a weird wriggling that would only be okay when being electrocuted for a dance move, he almost tears up.

“Yeah, I can’t dance, so? Stop laughing at me, I don’t see the dancing police here.”

“Must be busy with the laughing police because I don’t see that either” Liam grins smug, emptying the rest of his glass in two long gulps so he can join Theo’s weird dancing and show him how it’s done. 

 

It’s around that moment and the tequila shot a bit later that everything becomes a little blurred and confused in his mind.

 

***

 

One second he’s dancing with Theo, or more like hugging him while swinging on the spot, a second later Theo says something about water and the muscular body pressed against him comes with a blonde mane that wasn’t there before.

Liam keeps dancing and his eyelids and head feel so heavy, so much that he he’d meet the floor at any moment now if the blonde guy looking like a lion wasn’t right there against his back.

The loud metallic voice asks everyone to raise their arms and Liam’s shirt is probably doing the thing again now because he can feel big warm hands on his naked skin, on his hips and his belly and then Theo’s annoyed voice.

“Hey, he’s drunk, can’t you see? Get off him.”

He has a bottle of water in his hands and he’s glaring at someone and Liam automatically takes a step towards him, except the hands are still on him and once again the only thing keeping him from falling on his back is a large chest.

“We’re having fun, can’t you see?” The chest says from behind him and Theo’s jaw hardens visibly.

“ _Stop_ touching him” He growls and his voice didn’t sound that angry even when Liam made him mad a few weeks before. He briefly wonders what he did to make him mad again and how to fix it, but Theo’s hands are now on the arm around Liam’s waist – there’s an arm around his waist, Liam didn’t notice – and a second later the chest is not pressed against him anymore. He stumbles a little and he grabs Theo’s arm to steady himself, but Theo is busy shoving Blonde Hair away. “You touch him again and I’ll break your jaw.”

Liam is not sure what’s happening but Theo is mad at Blonde Hair so now Liam is mad at Blonde Hair too.

“Listen mate, I don’t even know who you are, so fuck off, okay?” Blonde Hair grunts before shoving Theo back. Theo doesn’t stumble like Blonde Hair did, but this is when Liam finds out in his dizzy drunken state that he doesn’t like when people shove Theo. At all.  

His right hand aches a little now and Blonde Hair is on the floor holding his jaw.

 

***

 

“They just keep throwing me out, I don’t understand.” Liam whines as Theo keeps pushing the bottle of water against his lips. Liam doesn’t want it, he's already made mostly by water, but he still opens his mouth a little and takes a sip just to make him happy. 

“My guess is that it might have something to do with you punching the asshole.”

“He shoved you.”  

“That’s really nice Liam, but-”

“And you punched him too.” He insists shoving the bottle away. He’s already full of liquid, he can feel it, he doesn’t want any more.

  
“Well, he was about to kill you.”

“No he wasn’t” Liam denies because he remembers it and he was ready. Blonde Hair glared at him from the floor and Liam was full of power, standing on his own without anyone helping him with his balance. Basically invincible. Blonde Hair was walking towards his death when he stood up and launched himself at him. Still, it was funny the way he just fell back again when Theo punched him instead.

“And he was making you mad.” Liam insists.

Theo sighs, putting the cap back on the bottle. “He wasn’t making me mad. You were.”

“Me? I was making you mad?” Liam asks incredulous as Theo zips Liam’s shirt up to his chin. Liam lowers his eyes and stares at it perplexed because he doesn’t remember a zip on his shirt and what he finds is a leather jacket. He doesn’t remember wearing one at any point in the night. Weird.  

“Not mad. You were making me...you know.”

It's cute how Theo thinks he knows, when Liam doesn’t even know what his last name is right now.

“Yeah yeah yeah. Did we win.” He asks because there’s a bruise on Theo’s chin and that part is a little confused in his mind. He remembers Theo and Blonde Hair rolling around on the floor and he remembers deciding to join them and teach Blonde Hair a lesson, but as soon as he took a step forward he tripped on his foot and he doesn’t really remember anything else until Theo was hauling him up again.

“Yes, we won.” 

“Is he dead.”

“No.” Theo chuckles shaking his head. “You’re drunk. Let’s go home.”

“Are you mad?”

“No, of course not.”

“Am I?”

“Nobody is mad. We’re going home. Does your hand hurt?”

“I punched a wall once.”

“Okay, but do you want me to stop grab some ice or-”

“I broke the wall.”

“Yes, but right now Liam, focus, does your hand-”

“I don’t feel good.”

That’s when he throws up.

 

***

 

His head keeps hitting the window at every off road.

Liam has no idea what to do about it. He’s not even sure he minds it. It’s not like he feels his head much anyway.  

 

***

 

He doesn’t remember getting off the car or walking up the stairs, but at some point Scott is wiggling his tail in the dark as Theo helps him stumble towards his room.

He falls on the bed and he’s all alone and about to fall asleep when Theo enters the room again.

“Theo” Liam mumbles as Theo places a bottle of water on the bedside table and he sounds whiney because he thought Theo was gone forever. “Theo, the beetles. Can you stay? They’re going to go inside my ears, can you stay and cover my ears?”

“Nothing is going inside your ears, Liam.”

Liam groans pained because he can’t feel his head and he’s being abandoned to the beetles.

“Just stay and cover them please” He insists going for the miserable eyes even if it’s dark and he can’t actually feel his eyes since they’re in his head and he hasn’t heard from his head in a while now.

“Fine, I’ll cover your ears.” Theo sighs, sitting on the bed next to Liam’s inert body.

Then he brings both his hands at the sides of Liam’s head to gently cup his ears and Liam closes his eyes relieved.

“Thank you.” He mumbles feeling safe and loved now that his ears are covered.

“You’re ridiculous” Theo chuckles, not moving his hands.

“Thank you” Liam repeats and then he falls asleep.

 

 

 

Theo leaves at some point and Liam is not sure if the soft touch of his lips on his forehead was just a dream.

 

 

 

  


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this and the next one are going to be the last chapters, I hope it doesn’t feel too rushed but I really want to get this over with. I loved writing this AU and I’m definitely going to miss it, which is why I realized I can’t leave it incomplete (also your enthusiasm is contagious and I love you all). To everyone that left kudos and comments, it’s thanks (fault cough cough) to you that all my one chapters end up being multi-chaptered somehow, so thank you because I had so much fun with this!  
> 

 

 

 

Liam wakes up dead.

He grunts annoyed trying to shove Scott away but the little fucker just keeps trying to eat his fingers because he’s nobody’s best friend when there’s no food in his bowl.

Liam grunts again staring at the ceiling hoping someone will hear him and come to his rescue before Scott reaches his vital organs, but the only sound coming out of his mouth is a little pathetic huff only Mrs Jenkins could hear, since she’s always actively spying on him, but she’d never save him.

“Bad Scott! Go away!” He tries not daring to move his head, but Scott just painfully steps on his chest with his little quick paws and then his tongue is all over Liam’s face, because he clearly wants to taste his meat before eating it. Liam whines defeated and he falls asleep again. That or he fainted because Scott crushed his already dead lungs.  

 

 

 

When Liam wakes up again, he’s still dead and there’s an infernal loud noise hurting his soul and his head. He takes a while to figure it’s the bell and he takes even more time to drag himself to the door –he thought he was never going to be able to stand up again after Scott made him fall, that dog wants to eat him, there’s no other explanation.

“Hey, I came to check on you, it’s 2 p.m..”

Theo looks like a ray of sunshine in his baggy grey hoodie and messy soft hair and Liam instantly throws himself in his arms, burying his face in his chest and letting out an agonizing dying noise.

“Theodore I’m dying, everything hurtssss.”

“I know.” Theo murmurs condescending and his fond voice is almost as comforting as his arms wrapping around Liam. “You need coffee.”

“I need hugs. I need not do die alone. Save me Theodore, please.”

“I am. Go lye on the couch while I make coff-”

“Don’t send me away please.” Liam tries the miserable eyes but the only thing that can see them is the soft fabric of Theo’s hoodie.

“It’s really not that far away.”

“I won’t go” Liam mutters stubborn tightening his arms around Theo’s waist. He’ll be like glue. Like a chewing gum in his hair. “I won’t ever let go. You’ll have to kill me. And you can’t because I’m already dead.”

Theo sighs and then he’s stepping forward without breaking the hug, forcing Liam to rein back.“No, wait, stop, Scott is on the couch, he wants to eat me, please-”

His protests remain ignored and Liam finds himself sitting on the couch while Theo starts moving around in the kitchen. Scott immediately starts to lick his thigh.

Liam considers if trying to defend himself from being eaten alive but then his head aches painfully and he just lies down defeated and alone because nobody cares about him anyway.

“Can you feed Scott so he’ll stop eating me?” He mutters after a while. The ceiling is doing weird things, moving in circle and stuff.

“He’s washing you, not eating you.” Theo says but he fills Scott bowl anyway. Scott immediately jumps from the couch without looking back like the traitor he is.

“I’m already clean.”

“No you’re not.” Theo mutters between his teeth and there’s a vein of resentment in his voice.  “That asshole touched you everywhere.”

“He didn’t touch the back of my knee” Liam replies immediately, because there are so many places in his body no one ever touched –and that he’d love for someone, being someone Theo, to.  “Or the inside of my nostrils. Or-” The list is still long, but Theo doesn’t seem interested because he just shoves a cup of coffee against his lips and Liam drinks it.

“Better?” He asks when Liam gives it back.  
“No.” Liam mutters sadly as his head keeps trying to kill him even after he already died. He wants to sink in the depths of the couch again, but he forces himself to stay sit and he lifts his arms towards Theo doing his best miserable eyes. He stays like that until his arms start to ache because Theo decided to wash his cup and he’s giving him his back, but eventually he sees him and he finally deigns him of his attention, walking back to the couch and leaning down until they’re hugging again. Satisfied, Liam wraps himself around him like a koala and tries to lay both of them down, but Theo seems determined to keep the sitting position. Liam huffs annoyed because he can’t even die as he prefers now, but Theo is so warm and soft and at some point Liam briefly loses conscience again.

 

Like all good things, it doesn’t last.

“Where are you going?” He mumbles following Theo’s movements with his only open eye. Theo stops a few feet from the door, looking back.

“Downstairs?”

Normally, Liam would tell him to go and never come back because he was totally escaping taking advantage of Liam’s momentary unconsciousness, but his stomach hurts, his head hurts, life hurts and Liam really needs Theo to come back and fix it with his hugs. It’s not time to be proud now. It’s time to beg. “Don’t let me die alone, Theodore, _please.”_

“You’re not alone, you have all your beetles.”

“They’ll eat me if you leave.” Liam whines, the noise barely suffocated by the armrest. “You’re just leaving me for dead.”

“I’m not leaving, I’m here” Theo sighs and then he’s actually there, making Liam wrap his arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. It’s very nice and safe and Liam is happy, until Theo kidnaps him.

“What are you-where are we going?” Theo’s hands are on his back keeping him from falling, but Liam still wraps his legs around his waist just to be sure. And because, well, why not.

“Keep sleeping, we’re just going downstairs” Theo mutters quietly, closing the door behind him.

“You’re kidnapping me.” Liam points out, not doing anything about it.

“I’m not kidnapping you, you want to stay with me and I don’t want to stay with the beetles, so we’re going to my place. Good afternoon, Mrs Jenkins.” It can’t be a good afternoon if Mrs Jenkins is there, so Liam just buries his face in Theo’s shoulder and keeps his eyes closed until he hears the door open. And then he finds out his eyelids are too heavy to be lifted again and he just keeps them closed even as he sinks in a couch again, except he’s not alone this time.

Theo is clearly secretly in love with Liam because not only he didn’t left him to the beetles but he’s now lying down with him, covering them both with a fluffy blanket, and there is really no other explanation, he loves Liam and the next time he’ll kiss him back. Liam wants the next time to be now, but he really can’t move any part of his body right now, so he just silently enjoys the warmth all around him.

“Thanks for saving me.” He mutters at some point against Theo’s shoulder and when he stops talking there’s totally a bit of his hoodie trapped between his lips. He’d love to do something about it, especially because he’s probably drooling on it, but every movement takes too much effort to be wasted like that.

“Whenever you want sleepy face.” Theo says from under him and his voice sounds just as sleepy.

“I hope there’s breakfast when I wake up.” Liam mumbles honestly with his eyes still closed before shaking a little at pace with Theo’s chest as he giggles softly.

“And what kind of breakfast were you hoping for at dinner time?”

“Pancakes.” Liam sighs dreamily.

“Right.” Theo nods thoughtful. “Well, don’t tell anyone but I think you’ll have your pancakes.”

“You’re perfect.” Someone whispers adoringly as Liam’s head starts feeling lighter and lighter and he takes a while to realize that it sounded like his voice because it was him. Theo seems to take a while to realize it too, because he doesn’t answer for several seconds.    

“You’re pretty affectionate when hangover, you know that?” He chuckles eventually, ruffling Liam’s hair a little.

Liam wants to point out he’s not just hangover, he’s on the middle of a terrific process called dying and also be already dead, but he’s just too tired to even talk at this point. He barely hears Theo’s soft whisper before he falls asleep again. “You’re perfect too.”

 

***

 

Liam has never had to face such a difficult decision in his life before.

Theo is still asleep under him and his left arm is wrapped around him like a warm, safe and ridiculously muscular blanket while his chest moving up and down slowly and rhythmically makes the best bed Liam could ask for, but it’s also going to be a death bed if he doesn’t get up and get some water. There’s a desert inside his throat and mouth and Liam _knows_ science says it takes days to die from dehydration, but he’s never been one to let science dictate his life and even less his death, so all he has now are seconds and then it’s all over.

Still, he doesn’t want to get up.

He never wants to get up as a rule, because nothing good ever happens when you’re on your feet, but he wants it even less now that Theo is sleeping right under him, hugging him loosely with one arm like it was a normal thing to do after you refused to kiss someone. It’s not and it’s pretty incoherent from him, but it feels amazing and not a lot of things feel amazing in Liam’s life, so there’s that. Theo will probably  be upset if he wakes up with a corpse in his arms because Liam died though.  

He can see Theo’s phone on the little table near the couch and he briefly considers asking Mason for help –he’d just have to break into Theo’s apartment and bring Liam water without waking Theo up. It’s not that difficult, the doors in their building are just an ornamentation honestly, but Liam recently found out Mason is not an actual friend and he’s full of so called limits. It’s like all he does is drawing lines, all the time. _No Liam, I won’t buy you a new house because yours has beetles, no Liam I won’t rob a bank with you, no Liam, I won’t place a bomb in Nolan’s car_. For god’s sake. 

This leaves Liam alone, as always.

If he wants to get water and survive, he’ll need to get up. Maybe if he’s extra quiet and careful Theo won’t wake up and he’ll be able to snuggle back into his arms right after he emptied two bottles of water in his throat and being alive will feel good for once. He can do this.

 

 

Liam couldn’t do that. He accidentally lays all his weight on Theo’s ribs as he tries to stand up and Theo wakes up with a pained wine.

“Sorry, sorry, keep sleeping” Liam reassures him trying to get off him even faster and that’s when his knee accidentally hits his crotch.

 

 

“I’m sorry.” Liam repeats for the third time before attaching himself to the bottle again. He’s sorry okay, but he can’t die because of it. He still needs to drink all the water in the house. “You were in the way to be fair, that was my side of the couch, but I’m sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I really hope so.” Theo mutters with his lips still contorted in a pained grimace because he decided to make Liam feel guilty for something he didn’t plan apparently. “Could you bring me some water too?”

Theo wants water and Liam has waters in his mouth right now. It can’t be a coincidence.

Theo also didn’t specify _how_ he wants Liam to deliver water to him, or where the water has to come from, so kissing him is totally an option now. It wouldn’t be weird, it’s a thing birds do apparently, with food and not with water sure, but it’s not like humans need to copy birds in every _single_ aspect of their life or else they’d be eating worms and Liam can do without it.

“Liam?” Theo calls him again and Liam feels the water sprint out of his mouth because that’s what happens when he thinks too much, he loses control of his body.

“Yeah yeah, water, here. From the bottle.” He mumbles quickly handing Theo the bottle and patting the front of his shirt where the water wet it, as if that could dry it. He stares awkwardly at Theo as he drinks a few sips and then he takes the bottle back and he empties it, because he’s still the one who needs water more, since he was just now dying from dehydration.

“You stink.” Theo says very rudely. “Go take a shower.”

“No.” Liam immediately replies because he won’t have Theo thinking he can order him around just because they slept together on his couch.

“Okay” Theo says and _now_ Liam goes. He really needs a shower.

 

***

 

 **Sent, 8,30 p.m., to: Mason** _I slept on Theo. He’s so comfy and warm and he smells good. I wish I could sleep on him every night._

 **Received, 8,32 p.m., from: Mason** _Does he know that you slept on him?_

 **Sent, 8,33 p.m., to: Mason** _Oh my god, yes, I didn’t sneak into his apartment to sleep with him Mason._

 **Received, 8,35 p.m., from: Mason** _Don’t say it like it’s something you’d never do._

 **Sent, 8,36 p.m., to: Mason** _It was ONE time, shut up. You didn’t even notice._

 **Received, 8,37 p.m, from: Mason** _Yes but Corey did. So, I’m taking last night went well?_

 **Sent, 8,40 p.m. to: Mason** _I was drunk and I don’t remember much, but I’m pretty sure he punched a guy because he got jealous of me._

 **Received, 8,42 p.m. from: Mason** _He did WHAT?_

 **Sent, 8,45 p.m. to: Mason** _I know, it was super hot._

 

Liam is just about to ask Mason if punching the same person is the same as becoming a couple when Theo knocks on his door. He recognizes him just by the way he knocks and this on the other hand can’t mean anything different than being a couple. He just needs Theo to figure it out too.

“What are you doing?”

Liam frowns perplexed, looking at himself.

“What am I doing?”

“Did you take your shower?”

“Obviously.” Liam shrugs, his still damp hair and the clean pair of sweatpants confirming it.

“Then what are you doing here?”

“Living here. What am I supposed to do?” Liam is so confused now.

“I made pancakes.” Theo says with a feeble voice like Liam just kicked his puppy. “I told you I was going to make you pancakes.”

“Yes, but then we fell asleep.” Liam explains as he feels very distinctly his crush getting deeper and deeper. He made him pancakes. He’s not just comfy and warm and smells good, he’s also a pancakes machine.

“It still counts if you say something and then fall asleep, you know.” Theo points out and Liam frowns.

“Does it?”

“Yes.”

“So you think I’m perfect?” His tongue asks before his brain gives it any kind of command. Shit. 

“Yes, do you want your pancakes?” Theo says very quick and without hesitation and Liam feels obliged to answer just as quickly.

“Yes.”

“Then let’s go.” Theo is already halfway downstairs when Liam stops staring in shock at his back and forces his legs to follow him. Not without frantically taking his phone out.

 

 **Sent, 8,50 p.m. to:** _**Mason**   HE THINKS I’M PERFECT_

 **Received, 8,51 p.m. from: Mason** _Perfect for what._

 **Received, 8,53 p.m. from: Mason** _Liam, ask him._

 **Received, 8,53 p.m. from: Mason** _Perfect as a boyfriend? Perfect to entertain him until he finds someone else to date? A perfect scapegoat for when he’ll murder someone? I need more info._

 

Liam shuts his phone off without a second though. What is Mason on about? Theo thinks he’s perfect and that’s all it matters.

_Oh god, perfect for what._

He’s ready to panic, but the sweet scent of maple syrup coming from Theo’s cracked door reminds him that there’s no reason to. Theo let him sleep on him and he’s now feeding him pancakes, his life is as perfect as it will ever be, no point in overanalyzing everything. That’s what he has a best friend for.

 

 

He’s already halfway through his delicious pancakes when he notices that Theo’s plate doesn’t look like his at all. 

“What’s that.” He mutters with his mouth stuffed before swallowing everything with a loud gulp.

“Proper dinner” Theo shrugs, cutting another piece of his bloody steak. It looks so good, the perfect shade of red in the middle creating a pretty contrast with the golden color of baked potatoes. Liam stares silently.

Theo sighs. “You want this too, don’t you.”  
“Just a bite.” He mumbles shyly.

 

His eyes must give away that he’d sacrifice his dog and his two only friends for it, because they end up sharing.

 

***

 

“So, did you have fun yesterday?”

“Oh my god yes, it was so fun, did you see how good I am at punching, that guy flown right onto his ass! So cool.”

Theo blinks. “I was going to add ‘except for the punching and getting thrown out part’, but, well...”

“Oh sure, that was...bad. So, so bad.” Liam clears his throat embarrassed. He didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to find it fun. Theo said they win, didn’t he? Winning is always fun. “The rest was funny too. Especially you trying to dance.”

“I don’t _try_ ” Theo chuckles offended, shoving him playfully.

“That explains a lot then.” Liam smirks immediately defending himself from a tickle attack that has him curled up on the couch, tears in his eyes and begging on his lips until a loud knocking on the door saves him from it. He follows Theo to the door, pinching his side as he does so, and they’re both still giggling when Deaton’s funeral face appears in front of them.

 “Mrs Jenkins was very upset for what happened this afternoon” He says immediately as if his apparition wasn’t bad enough. Sure, let’s ruin an idyllic moment that could have maybe led to a kiss by mentioning Mrs Jenkins the devil herself, why the fuck not. Liam scowls annoyed and tries to close the door, but Theo stops him, glancing confused at Deaton.

“What happened this afternoon...?”

“Obscene acts in public place.” Deaton’s voice is collected and grave, but Liam can see the absolute joy in his eyes. He’s loving every second of this, the villain. “She said that your limbs were, and I quote, all tangled up in each other’s, Mr Dunbar’s legs around your waist and his face on your neck, clearly in the middle of moving a sexual act from his apartment to yours.”

Of course Mrs Jenkins would say that.

“She’s hallucinating.” Liam explains quickly while Theo just blinks in shock. Of course he wouldn’t expect this to happen, he doesn’t know the terrible evil old lady like Liam does. “She’s dangerous. She needs to be put out of her misery. Or at least out of the building. We’ll help her move her things out.” He tries to walk past Deaton to cross the hall and help Mrs Jenkins move all her belongings on the street, but Theo, being the boring person he is, stops him again.  

 _“Liam.”_ He puts a hand on his shoulder and Liam sighs defeated, while Theo goes back to stare at their crazy condominium administrator. “The stairs are not a public place by the way, but besides that, I assure you no obscene act was involved. He was sleeping and I carried him downstairs, that’s all.”

“Yes, that’s all.” Liam confirms a little bitter because yes, they weren’t doing anything, but does Theo need to say it with that voice? Probably yes, since that’s his voice and it’d be weird if he said it using Mason’s voice for example, but still. “A sexual act? Me and him? That would be madness.” His exaggerated laugh lasts barely a second, then Liam turns abruptly towards Theo. “Wouldn’t it? Like, we would never, right?” He stares at him eagerly for a while and when he realizes he’s doing that he turns back to Deaton. “Just because we went on a date it doesn’t mean we’re having sex now, that’s not how it works, I can’t believe you just came here assumin-”

“It wasn’t a date, I thought we cleared that up.” Theo interrupts him hesitant and Liam presses his lips together to stop the agonizing scream at being stabbed in the chest like that. _Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know._

“Yeah yeah, what did I just said? Not a date, never a date.” He dismisses Theo absently with a wave of his hand, turning to Deaton with a fake smile on his lips _. And then let it go_. “He won’t even kiss me, you know. But he’ll get all mad and jealous if someone else touches me, because this is how it works nowadays.” Deaton opens his mouth a few times just to close it again without a sound and Liam nods sympathetic. “I know, go figure.”

“Liam...”

“But you know who practices obscene acts in public places on a regular basis?” Liam continues ignoring Theo’s quiet attempt at something. “Nolan and Brett, that’s who. They threw a used condom on my balcony a few weeks ago, but I don’t see you interrogating them for that. They also have a _Nett_ heart on their doorbell, how is that? Wasn’t it against the rules? Wasn’t this why I had to delete my dog’s name from my doorbell? Why is my dog worth less than the fact that they bang, mh?”

“I’m glad we cleared this out.” Deaton says and then he vanishes leaving behind just the sound of his quick footsteps on the stairs.

“Make them delete it!” Liam screams after him before closing the door.

Theo is staring.

“What.” Liam growls, suddenly very annoyed with the world and everyone in it.

Theo raises his brows, unimpressed. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

Of course he’d be all polite and reasonable now. That’s what he likes to do, just make Liam fall deeper and deeper into his crush for him. Liam absolutely hates him. 

“No.” He growls again and Theo nods.

“Okay. Wanna watch some Netflix?”

Liam wants to say no again, just because, but he also doesn’t want to leave, so he nods grudgingly.

“Yes. A horror movie. Splatter.”

Watching people die is the only thing that could comfort him right now.  

“Sure.” Theo nods again, turning the TV on, still disgustingly nice and perfect.

“With blood and tortures.” Liam adds because sometimes you need to find happiness in the little things in life. “Super graphic tortures.”

“All the tortures you want.” Theo smiles sweetly, sinking on the couch and patting the space next to him. “Come here, come on.”

It looks like a trap with that blinding smile and all, but Liam goes anyway because he already fell for it big time.

 

 

“So stupid, camping in the woods next to a cemetery.” Liam scoffs at the screen, his arms tightly crossed above his chest. “I hope they all die horribly.”

“They will.”

“Did you just spoiled me?”

“No, but it’s a horror movie and they’re camping in the woods. They’re all going to die horribly.”

“Sometimes the chick survives.” Liam mutters gloomy. “I hope nobody does.”

“I’m sure they’ll all die, don’t worry.” Theo chuckles casually throwing his left arm around his shoulders. Liam stays perfectly still, his arms still crossed on his chest and his stare busy glaring at the screen. That until Theo presses a quick, loud kiss on his cheek, smiling amused at him.

That’s it.

 _“Fuck you_.” Liam snaps freeing his shoulders from the dead weight of Theo’s frustrating back and forth –of his left arm, okay. 

Theo looks absolutely shocked. “What?”

“I said fuck you, Theodore.” Liam repeats just as passionately and then he stands up, because it feels weird insulting Theo while sitting next to him on the most comfortable couch ever. Fuck the couch too, it’s just another trap. 

“I heard that. I mean, why?”

“Because you’re a fucking asshole, that’s why. You’re just...you stay there looking all nice and soft and cuddly, all hot and smart and perfect, like the charming prince who?, giving me foods and hugs and kisses...” Liam takes a deep sigh. “But you know what? You’re a villain.”

Theo blinks. “I’m a villain.” He repeats colorless.

“Yes, you’re the fucking villain in this story.”

“I thought Mrs Jenkins was the villain. Actually, I’m pretty sure I heard you call Deaton that too, and Brett and Nol-”

“I kissed you!” Liam shouts loudly, immediately regretting it. He also regrets not having beetles in his pockets right now. He’d throw them all at Theo and then he’d run.

Theo keeps staring at him astonished for a few more second, before murmuring a quiet “I know.”

“I kissed you and you pretend like I didn’t.” Liam continues, his heart beating in his throat and in all the places it’s not supposed to.

“I’m not pretending, I explained to you-”

“Yes, you don’t want me because you’re still thinking about your ex, tragic, but why do you keep hugging me then? Why you keep...you’re not supposed to do that. Nice people don’t that. If you know someone has feelings for you, you can’t just...I’m not a toy. Just tell me to fuck off so I can get over you. I can’t get you out of my head if you keep doing this.”

“Liam...”

“ _I like you!_ I’m not going to pretend I don’t, so just tell me to fuck off and stop giving me hopes!”

“That’s the last thing I want, I-” Theo takes a step forward and Liam immediately takes one back, shoving his hands away.

“I don’t care what you want, just tell me to-”

“Then fuck off!” Theo shouts loudly and his exasperated voice echoes in the now silent apartment.

Liam closes his mouth, not sure what he’s supposed to do now. He didn’t really expected Theo to take his suggestion. People don’t usually listen to Liam. He kinda sees why now. It sucks and it hurts when they do. 

“Liam, wait.” Theo says but Liam can feel the tears in his eyes and he knows for a fact they’re not going to fall. He didn't cry when his father hit him, not when he hit his mother, he didn’t cry when Scott had that allergic reaction and the vet said there was a big chance he wouldn’t make it, and he’s definitely not going to cry now, but still, if he can feel them in his eyes, Theo can see them and that’s a giant _hell no._

Theo doesn’t follow him and that’s good.

It’s all good, perfect actually.

Theo is finally being honest. It sucks, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. He caught feelings for his hot neighbor, he’s not reciprocated, it happens. He can work with this now that he knows. No more hugs and cuddles and _not_ dates that totally look like dates. No more confusion and wondering, just getting over it.

Liam picks Scott up and walks towards his room.  

He’ll just brood a little under the blankets and then he’ll google how to heal from a crush. He can do it.

 

 

He could have totally done without Theo’s leather jacket on his bed and the sudden memory of how he took it off to gently wrap Liam in it so he wouldn’t get cold, but he still respects the cruel irony of the universe.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we’re at the end of the song. I don’t wanna start bubbling, just know that the love and support you showed me means everything to me and I’ll miss write Liam (and Theo, but Liam is my fave because we’re both crazy drama queens) and reading all your lovely words. I high-key suck at last chapters because too many expectations and stuff, but I hope you like it. If not, I’ll throw beetles at you, I mean, thank you anyway for reading. I wrote this whole thing very fast because I wanted to go out and buy donuts to celebrate - I just want donuts, if it wasn't for this I would have celebrated the fact that donuts exist, but still. I already said that I'll miss this and that I thank you all from the bottom of my little heart, yeah? Then I'm done here.
> 
> I FORGOT: BRAD, THEO'S EX, IS A DOCTOR, BECAUSE HE'S A BRAD DOCTOR, A _BRAD DOCTOR_ , SEE WHAT I DID HERE? I CAN'T BELIEVE NOBODY CAUGHT THIS, IT WAS A GLORIOUS PUN, SO UNDERRATED.  
> This would be all, enjoy the reading.

 

 

Mason is having sex with Corey and that’s why he doesn’t answer the phone, there’s no other explanation. Liam knew he should have ended their friendship the second Mason got a boyfriend: you can’t trust engaged people to be there for you when you need them. You can’t trust single people either of course, they’re just as b-

“Hey Liam, what’s up?”

“Theo hates me.”

“Ah, that’s what you were perfect for? Being hated?”

“I want to die. Do you think the beetles will come out and eat me if I cover myself in…I don’t know, honey? What do beetles like?”

“Wait, are you serious? Do you actually think Theo hates you?”

“Yes, that’s what I just said.”

“Oh, really. And what did he do for you to think that? Did he put too much syrup on all the pancakes he made you? Did he forgot to call you perfect today as well? Did he hug you just two times instead of the usual twelve?”

“He told me to fuck off. Shouted it at me.”

“He did _what?_ I’m going to fucking murder him, that asshole, _COREY! Tell your friend we need the katana again!_ I got this, Li, don’t worry. He’ll regret it. I can’t believe this. You were so pretty yesterday thanks to me. We made him jealous. And now this? Why would he tell you that?”

“I don’t know! He’s just evil. I mean, I asked him to okay, but-”    

“Wait, you asked him to? Why?”  
“He was being too nice.”

“What- wait a second, _yes Corey, of course, tell her we know it’s not a toy, we’ll use it as a weapon, we’re not stupid. I don’t know okay? She’s your friend, convince her!_ Sorry, what were you saying? What do you mean too nice?”

“He kissed me on the cheek.”

“He kiss-Liam, are you mad because he kissed you on your cheek and not on your lips, is that it?”

“No! It’s just that he...he doesn’t like me. Not like I do. He doesn’t want to be with me in that way. He made it clear. He keeps saying it, everything is just _as friends,_ but he knows that’s not what I want and he just makes everything worse by being all...like, as if he…with the pancakes and the hugs and _you’re perfect_ , you know? All that stuff as if he...but he doesn’t, so...and then he told me to fuck off.”

“Look, I can’t actually stab him with a katana, they don’t have smoothies and sushi in jail apparently, but I’ll come and you’ll explain it better to me and then we’ll put superglue on his doormat if you want.”

“Thanks, Mase, but I think I’m just going to die now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want one last meal before you die?”

“Yes, can you bring me cake and pizza and French fries and cupcakes?”

“I can. How many cupcakes?”

“Five.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

“Two double cheeseburgers and some chocolate and vanilla ice-cream maybe.”

_“It doesn’t sound like he plans on dying for for at least another week Mase.”_

“Shut up, love. Ice-cream and McDonald, I got you. We’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“I don’t want Corey. He’s judgmental and he’s in love with you while nobody will ever love me.”

“But it’s because he loves me that he’s going to drive me around to buy you all the food.”

“Fine, he can come then. But you can’t kiss him when you’re here, I can’t see that kind of stuff right now while nobody wants to kiss me.”

“I won’t kiss him ever again, don’t worry. _Oh my god Corey, shut up, show a little tact, would you? My best friend is in pain, don’t make everything about you_. Okay, we’re coming, just stay there and wait for us.”

“I’m not going anywhere. There’s nowhere to go anyway. Nothing outside these sad walls. Just me and the beetles and that’s it. For all eternity.”

“Bye Liam.”

 

***

 

Mason said Liam did the right thing.

He also said ‘what?’, ‘why?’, ‘what do you mean?’, ‘can you repeat?’ at least one hundred times, but when he finally understood everything that led to Liam wanting to die, he said he did the right thing. Which _duh,_ Liam knew that already. He feels like shit, so of course he did the right thing, that’s how you know it. Taste bad? It’s the right thing for your body! Same with life decisions honestly.

“Right? It’s unacceptable, I know,  just make up your mind already, would you?” Corey is saying animatedly to the phone. Liam doesn’t like that his miseries are being discussed with a girl he doesn’t even know, but she called to know what they needed her katana for and to make sure they wouldn’t break it. “Liam is already confused on his own, he doesn’t need someone else to confuse him even more, I one hundred percent agree, Kira. He’s better off without this guy.”

Liam is not confused and he’s _right there_ , but as Corey reminded him when he tried to point that out earlier he’s also supposed to be dead, so it doesn’t matter.

He eats a lot and he listens to Mason and Corey hate on Theo secretly wishing he could agree with them a little more than what he actually finds himself doing and before he knows it it’s dark outside and Scott peed on the floor.

“This is his.” He announces moving the blankets to reveal Theo’s leather jacket hidden under them. Mason and Corey immediately stop messing around with the mop to come sit around it, their eyes carefully fixed on the black jacket.

“Do we burn it?” Corey proposes slowly after a while.

Burning stuff is one of Liam’s favorite activities, but weirdly enough he doesn’t really feel like harming Theo’s jacket in any way right now.

“Can you two just bring it back to him, please?”

“Like, in pieces?”

“No, just knock on his door before you leave and give it back.” Liam insists, standing up to let them know that they’re leaving now. “And don’t talk to him.”

“Anything else? Don’t look in his eyes or he’ll petrify us?” Mason jokes amused, but he still takes the jacket. Liam considers if following them and eavesdrop from the stairs, but that would defy the whole purpose of giving the jacket back, which is to stop thinking about Theo’s warm hugs and Theo’s scent and Theo’s everything, so he closes the door behind them and retreat to his couch and to his ridiculous amount of food. See, that’s a good thing: he can still have food, he doesn’t need Theo cooking it for him. He doesn’t need Theo for anything at all. Infact, Theo is now cancelled. There is no Theo in the building. Or in the country, or the whole universe.

Theo doesn’t even _exists_.

 

***

 

Theo is behind the door.

“Did you by chance just sent me two guys with a katana? It was in its custody, so it wasn’t really threatening like they seemed to think it was, but still, I take you’re still mad? Liam?”

He knocks again and Liam stills even more, barely breathing and not moving his eyes from the T.V. screen. Scott whines wiggling his tail in front of the closed door and Liam can hear Theo’s deep sigh.

“Hey, you know that I’m sorry and I care about you, right? That I didn’t mean it? It’s just…look, can you let me in please? Mrs Jenkins is listening to everything I’m saying. I can see her door open downstairs, I think you were right all along about her, she’s a villain. But I promise you I’m not, or at least I don’t want t-”

_“Do you plan on talking to the door for much longer? Just go already, you’re too hot for him anyway!”_

This time it takes all Liam has to keep his mouth shut, but he manages. He’ll sneak out later with a permanent marker and he’ll delete the Nett heart once and for all.

 _“Just mind your own business!”_ He hears Theo shouting back, before a long silence almost convinces him he’s gone. But then he’s talking again, quietly. “Well, you’re not even answering Nolan, so I guess you really don’t want to talk right now. I’ll just go then.” As he says it, a little piece of paper suddenly slides in from under the door. “These are my credentials, so you can watch Netflix without me if you want. But I really hope you don’t continue Game of  Thrones, we should finish it together. I mean, we shouldn’t _,_   but I’d love to. Okay, I’m going now. Goodnight. I’m downstairs if you need me. For anything.”

_“I could use your Netflix credentials too!_

_“God, will you shut up?!”_

As the shouting continues, Liam slowly pads to the door, picking up the piece of paper. There’s an username on it and a password, which looks exactly like the perfect password every automated program always dreams of, just a random series of numbers and letters, some capitals and some not, without a particular logic behind it. Liam bets Theo got it right at the first try too, without some annoying text forcing him to put at least some numbers in it.

_“It’s not eavesdropping, it’s called having ears, okay?”_

Nolan’s voice is now annoyingly closer and Liam looks from the peephole just in time to see him incite his giant Derek dog against Theo. Scott barks hysterically, clearly convinced he could take the pitbull. He has always had a dominant temper, like there’s an alpha buried inside that little rat. Liam feels proud, at least until Scott gets frustrated by him not letting him out to fight Derek and decides to bite him instead. It’s a weak bite on his ankle and it doesn’t actually hurt, but he still retreats to the couch to recover. The last thing he sees before leaving the peephole is Derek lunching himself at Theo and violently licking his mouth and nose.

It looks like literally everyone can kiss Theo except him.

 

***

 

Theo thinks he can just buy him with his Netflix credentials, so Liam immediately enters his account and changes his password, because he can be an asshole too. Actually, he can be an asshole _better._

He feels ferociously satisfied with himself for almost an entire second after, and then he just changes the password back. There’s no point anyway with people like Theo. He’d just keep paying even after being locked out of his account. He wouldn’t even get mad, because he’s just _that_ nice. Liam never hated him so much. (Liam never hated him at all and he hates himself a little for it.)

 

***

 

Dogs are supposed to know when you’re sad and come cheer you up, but Scott is sleeping on the couch in a soft curled up brown ball of couldn’t-care-less, the open window lets in Theo’s quiet singing and Liam hugs his pillow tighter.

 

So what if he’s being a drama queen? It’s the first day, he’s allowed to mourn. It’s only pathetic if you do it for more than a week.

 

******

 

Theo slaughters _ain’t no sunshine_ the morning after, but he doesn’t come back. Not that Liam would have opened the door, but still. Trying to bring him pancakes for breakfast and apologize again seems like an obvious thing to do for Mister Too Nice to be true, but apparently Theo only tries once and that’s it, if you don’t let him in he’ll never come back again, like he’s some kind of unicorn. It’s a little hypocritical from him, Liam apologized to Mason fifteen times when he was mad at him and _he_ ’s not the nice one. Maybe Theo just doesn’t care, which is fortunate, because Liam doesn’t care either.

He still catches himself thinking a lot about what would have happened if he just let Theo kiss his cheek and finish the movie instead of making a scene. He had every right to and he doesn’t exactly regret it, but he does wonder how much more time he would have spent in Theo’s arms making him laugh if he just kept his mouth shut. It’s a fortune that he doesn’t care, because otherwise it would suck, doing stuff and constantly thinking about how he could be doing the stuff a floor below with Theo instead of without him. Yeah, that would totally suck. Not that Liam would know.

 

(He knows.)

 

***

 

“Hello?”

“Mason help please, send help.”

“Liam? What’s going on? Where are you?”

“In pain, so much pain, pain everywhere.”

“Pain is not a place.”

“Pain is all I know, all I’ve ever known, I miss him.”

“Are you home?”

“Oh _my god_ who cares, yes I’m in the place where I’m getting old day after day without a single joy in my life, can you help me now?”

“What’s the problem?”

“I miss him so much, all I can think of is his face but I’m not even sure I remember it correctly because I haven’t seen him in forever and sometimes I also think it was all a dream and he never even existed in the first place, like, do you remember what color were his eyes? Was it green or blue?”

“Liam, it’s been a day.”

“I miss him, Mason.”

“Literally one day.”

“I can’t even breathe.”

“Do you need an ambulance?”

“I need to see his face, can you send me a picture?”

“I don’t have a picture.”

“Mase.”

“Liam.”

“Please.”

“What.”

“I don’t know, help me.”

“Do you still have the ice-cream I brought you yesterday?”

“What kind of question is that, it’s in my belly.”

“The cupcakes?”  
“Gone too. I don’t need to eat, Mase, I need him.”

“No, you don’t. He’s an asshole, remember?”

“Yes, but he gives the best hugs.”

“You never allow people to give you hugs, how would you know that he gives _the best_ ones?”

“I just know.”

“You can’t know if you don’t have a comparison term. He’s probably an average hugger, you just don’t know any better. I’ll come and give you a proper hug, so you’ll see he’s nothing special.”

“No, I don’t like your hugs, they’re like a trap, his hugs are better, I want them to last forever, I want to live between his arms and never go out.”

“This again? I already told you I wasn’t hugging you that time when I carried you by force to the dentist, of course it felt like a trap, it was, just let me try again.”

“No, you’d wash his hugs away, I won’t let you!”

“Fine. Whatever. You don’t count anyway, you know nothing about hugs. Everyone without a deep fear of human contact will tell you that _my_ hugs are the best. _Corey, hey, just in time, will you please tell Liam that I give the best hugs?_ ”

“He gives the best hugs and the best blowjobs.”

“Thanks love. See? I’m the best. Liam? Are you still there?”

“Yes. I’m here. Please don’t give the phone to Corey ever again. I don’t wanna talk to him.”

“Don’t be a baby, there’s nothing to be ashamed of in knowing how to give pleasure with your mouth, you know. Actually it’s a pretty basi-”

“I’m hanging up now.”

 

***

 

“Mase.”

“Yes.”

“I still miss him.”

“It’s been two hours. You don’t get over someone in two hours.”

“Frodo sneaked into Mordor and destroyed the ring in two hours, I don’t think healing from a crush should take more time than that.”

“It’s at least four hours if you watch the extended version. Try again tomorrow morning.”

“Fine.”

“And don’t dream about him.”

“I’m not stupid, Mason, of course I’m not going to dream about him.”

 

***

 

Liam dreams Theo’s arms around him and it’s lovely. He wakes up hugging Scott’s furry ass.

He’s clearly not healed yet, so he calls in sick to work.

***

 

On the third day Liam rises again because he’s just like a God and he can’t be bothered with human dramas. He doesn’t have time for that kind of things and he despises his past self who tried to train Scott to collect his mails just to avoid bumping into Theo –especially because Scott barely finds the way to his bowl, let alone the mailbox. So what if he meets Theo? He has nothing to be afraid of, _in fact_ Theo is the one who should be afraid. Liam is going to hit him so hard with his indifference he’s probably going to fall on his beautiful ass.

Liam is almost inebriated by the incredible power of his indifference and he can’t wait to bump into Theo to show him, except Theo is now knocking on his door and Liam’s panic is so strong he runs on his balcony and starts climbing. He knows the way, he’s been planning an attack on Nolan and Brett for months now and he has the theory owned, it’s just that he never quite found the courage to do it without some kind of safety measure.

_“You like that, yeah? Tell daddy how you like it, Noley, come on.”_

Liam barely made it into the balcony when a terrible scenario opens in front of his eyes, just behind the large glass door, and if he immediately heads back without a single thought about safety anymore is because falling to his death has never looked so much as a happy ending. _His eyes, his fucking eyes._ He almost goes back inside but he just jumped from the pan to the embers because Theo is still knocking on his door and there’s only one way to escape now, so this is how Liam finds himself trapped in Theo’s balcony.

He pants, hands on his knees, trying to recover. Nolan is a snake just like he always thought, there’s no other explanation, you can’t assume that position if you have bones in your bodies, it doesn’t make sense, not even Scott could do that and he sleeps in a perfect round ball with his nose in his ass. And Brett, god, Brett. Why was he asking questions when Nolan clearly couldn’t answer with his mout-

“Liam?”

 _Shit._ Theo is there. His face is just how Liam remembered it and his eyes are green, not blue. Liam hates him and wants to hug him at the same time. He’s not sure where all his strong indifference went.

“Yes...?” He clears his throat, looking around. He needs to find something he can use to explain his presence there. There’s nothing.

“What are you doing in my balcony? How did you even...”

“Nothing.” Liam shrugs. “I...I fell.”

“You fell.” Theo repeats slowly.

“Yes, it’s when you lose balance and-”

“I know what falling is, _how_ did you fell into my balcony exactly?”

“I was looking out of the window and I sneezed very hard.”

Theo stares at him for quite some time and then at the wall behind him.

“That’s the footprint of your shoe right there on that tile.” He says because he just needs to be ridiculously observant. Liam doesn’t even know what he has on his own balcony.

“Do you spend a lot of time looking at the sole of my shoes, Theodore? Is that how you think you can say it’s mine and not literally anyone else’s?”

“It’s not anyone else who just _fell_ into my balcony.” Theo raises his brows and there’s something off about him. He doesn’t look as soft and welcoming as always.

“This doesn’t give you the right to question me.” Liam scoffs. "I don’t have to explain myself to you.” This is ridiculous. What is he going to do now, shoot him for breaking into his property? “Just let me out or I’ll start screaming.”

“Nobody is holding you prisoner.” Theo takes a step back, moving from the door.

“Then, if you have nothing to say, I’ll go” Liam crosses his arms on his chest, glancing wary at Theo. Why isn’t he apologizing anymore? Were the _I care about you_ went? Is this his evil twin or something?

“I’ve nothing to say.”

“Then why were you knocking on my door just now?”

Theo frowns. “It wasn’t me.”

“Oh, it wasn’t?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t.”

“Well, that’s better, because you don’t have any business knocking at my door, in fact I don’t want you anywhere near my apartment.”

“Say that when you’re not in my balcony anymore, would you?”

“Oh my god I’m going, okay? Do you want me to pay you rent for the thirteen seconds I stayed here?” Liam stomps inside, fuming. He’s done trying to keep up with Theo’s changes of heart. He just had his innocence stripped away from him in a traumatizing way and he needs support, not cold, inconsistent people throwing him out of their balcony. As if Liam wanted to stay there anyway. Theo probably thinks he’s the only one who owns a balcony in the entire world.

“Your balcony sucks!” He shouts for good measure before slamming the door behind him and storming on the stairs. This is exactly what he needed to heal properly. He’s _so_ not going to dream Theo again tonight. 

“Oh, Mr Dunbar, just the one I was looking for. You’re late again with your rent.”

Of course, _of course_ it was Deaton. How stupid of Liam to expect people knocking on his door to apologize instead of asking for money. What’s even the point of being alive, honestly.

 

***

 

That night Liam dreams Nolan crawling around with his giant head on a snake body until it eventually twists around Scott and chokes him to death.

He wakes up with his cheeks wet, but it doesn’t count as crying if you do it in your sleep, because you don’t choose to, like you don’t choose to dream your partially transfigured neighbor killing your dog. He briefly considers going upstairs and punching Nolan in the face to teach him not to mess with him in any circumstance, nightmares included, but he doesn’t want to go near that apartment ever again, so he just grabs Scott from his basket and goes back to bed.

Scott licks his tears wearily and eventually he falls asleep.

 

Theo doesn’t sing at all the next morning. Or the one after.

 

***

 

Liam goes back to his life, which he never left in the first place since his life is basically an escape room with no door, but he still goes back to it.

He stops thinking about Theo so much, he stops calling Mason to inform him how much it hurts sometimes, he stops acknowledge when he dreams him. Considering he lives just above him, he does a pretty good job of ignoring him, and Theo does the same.

That is, at least, until Liam opens his door a week later and Theo is standing there, eyes green as ever and an old looking guitar in his hands.

“I’m sorry I was an asshole when you fell into my balcony, but I was trying not to be a villain again. Hear me out one last time, please.” He says quickly before Liam can even open his mouth. “I tried to be your friend even if I knew you liked me and I liked you back because that’s who I am, I plan things and I’m not like you, I don’t know how to just show up and do what I feel like doing, whatever that is, even throwing a beetle at someone, I need to decide everything in advance and I didn’t plan on getting involved so soon after Brad, on the contraire, I specifically planned _not to_ , but you know this already.”

“That wasn’t unplanned.” Liam points out stupidly, just to say something. “I don’t usually go around with a live beetle in my pocket.”

“And I didn’t want to confuse you after I asked you to be just friends, I swear, it’s just that I suck at being your friend and I didn’t plan it.” Theo continues fast as if Liam didn’t speak at all. “The plan wasn’t to hug you all the time or lose my mind when I came back from the bar and saw that asshole touching you, but I did and I never wanted to punch anyone so badly before. I had no right to be jealous or to think that you looked beautiful in my leather jacket, but I did, and I thought how you would have looked in my bed. Not like that, just in my bed, you know. I just wanted to wake up next to you. And, I mean,” Theo runs a hand through his hair, letting out a shaky sigh, while Liam suddenly finds incredibly hard to swallow. “I don’t know what I’m saying anymore, but the point was, I suck at being your friend. I can’t do it, literally. I’m physically unable to, because every time I look at you I just want to hold you and cook for you and...kiss you, not necessarily in this order, and when you lashed out at me I realized how unfair it was to you. Then I wanted to apologize, but you didn’t let me in and I had time to think and see that I was being selfish again, because if I can’t control myself around you, then I just shouldn’t be around you. I just had to let you get over me and I had to get over you as well.”

It’s the stupidest thing Liam ever heard and a part of him wants to punch Theo for it, but he’d have to bend in order to do that, because Theo is now on his knees, his grip on the guitar steadier and his left hand moving rhythmically as the notes start echoing in the hall. It’s obviously supposed to be something, but it doesn’t sound like music at all and Liam barely has the time to grasp the fact that Theo can’t even play that he starts singing, his voice squeaky and out of tune as always.

 _“Wise men say only fools rush in_  
_But I can't help falling in love with you_  
_Shall I stay?_  
_Would it be a sin_  
_If I can't help falling in love with you?_

 _Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
_Darling so it goes_  
_Some things are meant to be_  
_Take my hand, take my whole life too_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you”_

Liam has a strong opinion on serenades, always had. He could write an essay about it, but to be concise, they’re ridiculous and they only work in movies. And not because they look acceptable in movies, they absolutely don’t, they only work because the actors are paid to pretend everything is fine and to not point out how ridiculous the whole thing is.

They’re not in a movie right now and nobody is paid to pretend everything is fine and not ridiculous, so Brett’s voice coming from upstairs is to be expected.

“Whose cat is that? Is he dying?”

“Oh god, how can he be so hot and terrible at the same time?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Liam shouts when Nolan comments as well and he hopes Theo knows he’s not talking to him even if he’s still looking at him. They’re not in a movie and Liam is not being paid, but for some reason he can’t move his eyes from Theo’s, he can’t stop listening in awe as he misses a note after the other one. “Shut up. He’s...he’s perfect.”

 _“Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
_Darling so it goes_  
_Some things are meant to be_  
_Take my hand, take my whole life too_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you”_

“I spent the last ten days without you thinking more about the relationship we didn’t have than the one I had with Brad” Theo says standing up again and leaning the guitar on the floor against the wall as soon as the song is over. “And I finally realized that it’s too late not to get involved anyway, planned or not, so...would you try to kiss me again now?”

“Yes” Liam smiles immediately taking a step forward as his heart explodes in his chest, beating an happiness he didn’t know he could feel. “No, wait, why do I have to be the one doing it? Can’t you just kiss me this time?”

“Why are you arguing about that, what does it matter, once you start I’m just going to kiss you back and we’ll be both kissing each other.”

Liam snorts. _Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice..._ “Yeah, no, it’s not happening, I already kissed you once and you were cold as ice, so-” He almost trips on Scott taking a step back under the energy Theo puts in interrupting his complaining by pressing his mouth on his. It’s not like when Liam did it, it’s not a little innocent peck, Theo just shoved his tongue inside his mouth and Liam widens his eyes terrified. This is not how he expected kisses to be. There’s a _tongue_ and it’s slimy and it’s _moving_ and a part of Liam wants to scream.

“You stubborn little shit” Theo mutters against his lips before nipping at him, just now opening his eyes because of course he closed them, knowing how gross kissing is. This is why everyone close them, they don’t want to see. This the biggest lie humans as a society hand down from generation to generation, there’s no other explanation, nobody actually likes kissing, they just pretend to love it. He sees it now that there’s no tongue inside his mouth anymore and his mind is clear again, but Theo’s teeth are still around his lower lip and he’s closing his eyes, so he’s about to do it again. Liam panics but he can’t think of an excuse to step back now, he’s too shocked by the revelation that kisses are a fraud to do something about the tongue entering his mouth again with its slimy feeling, except this time it doesn’t come. The excessive slimy feeling, not the tongue. The tongue is there, still passionately looking for something in Liam’s mouth, but it doesn’t feel as weird and gross as before. Actually, it almost feels good.

“Liam” Theo smiles, opening his eyes and finding Liam’s confused gaze. So what’s the truth? Is kissing bad or good? He might need a third attempt to figure it out. “You don’t stare people while kissing. Close your eyes.”

“I’ll stare as much as I want.” Liam points out but he closes them anyway because he really wants to try again. He wraps his arms around Theo’s neck to steady himself and focus only on what’s going on with their mouths and yes, the second impression is the one that counts.: it’s good. Kissing is good and he starts moving his tongue around Theo’s, he licks his mouth carefully and he finds extremely satisfying sucking his lower lip like a lollipop, his fingers pulling the soft hairs on the back of his head and the little hard object suddenly hitting his ear.

“Take a room!” Nolan shouts as Liam stares in disbelief at the apple he has just been hit with.

The quick footsteps that follow inform him that Brett and Nolan are retreating to their den and he tries to sprint towards the stairs just to find himself enveloped by Theo’s strong arms.

He struggles against the hold and he could get free to be fair, just like he freed himself that time with Mason, but for some reason he really doesn’t feel like headbutting Theo right now.

“He _needs_ a beating, Theodore, let me go, you hold Brett and I beat the little shit come on, that’s what boyfriends do, they fight villains together.”

“Boyfriends?” Theo lets him go, but all he needs to keep him still is his surprised voice.

Liam blushes furiously, but doesn’t look away. “Well, we kissed. Like, you kissed me and I kissed you back. Isn’t this how it works...? It’s not? I swear to god, if you say we just kissed as friends I’m going to-” Curl up and cry in a corner probably, but Theo doesn’t need to know.

“I don’t think we work that well as friends, you know.” Theo smirks intertwining their fingers together.

“About time.” Liam mutters looking at their jointed hands. Nice. He likes this too.

“Well, if I’m officially your boyfriend, then pack your things and bring Scott downstairs, because I’m calling pest control as my first present to you.”

 “Why do we need presents?” Liam frowns confused. Do they have to do an opening to be boyfriends? An inauguration?  
Theo smiles, pressing a sloppy kiss on the back of his hand. “Because it’s our anniversary.”

“It’s really not, we _just_ got together.”

“Technically yes, but today is still the date we’ll always have as our anniversary, it’s our number zero anniversary, we should celebrate.”

Liam never heard of a zero anniversary, he only knows of patients zero, but it’s not like he’s an expert on everything that regards relationships, so he sighs. “Fine, but I’ll ask Mason and if it’s not a real thing he’ll tell me, so don’t start making shit up, okay? We won’t celebrate one single thing more than the ones we’re forced to.”

“Sure.” Theo nods compliant. “Just all the anniversaries and the monthversaries.”

“ _Monthv-_ oh god, you’re one of those people.” What has Liam gotten himself into? “I’m returning you, I want a refund immedi-” This habit Theo is taking of interrupting him by using his lips not to talk needs to stop right now, because a kiss is not a counterargument. Maybe not _right now_ , okay, they can do the weird thing with their mouths a little longer, but Liam still doesn’t approve.

“Take your stuff, I’ll wait downstairs.” Theo says parting from him, smiling fondly at Liam’s annoyed groan. If he wants to shut him up with kisses he could at least make them last a decent amount of time. “I’ll call them right now.”

“Can’t you just help me catch Nolan instead so I can give him a proper beating? That would be a much better present, he’s more annoying than the beetles.”

 

***

 

You don’t choose your zero anniversary gifts apparently, because Nolan is still breathing and Liam is now sitting on Theo’s couch while some white clothed people inspect his apartment.

“I feel like I’m cheating.” He sighs conflicted. “It was a one against one war and now you're bringing the chemical weapons into it. It’s a coward move.”

“I’m pretty sure it was a one against hundreds war.” Theo points out, scrolling absently through some Netflix titles.

“Still.”

“Look, it needs to be done. I can’t risk you getting mad again and throwing another beetle at me. I’m already scarred for life.” And then people call Liam a drama queen. Please.  

“It’s cute how you think I don’t have an endless list of other gross and scarring stuff to throw at you if I get mad, Theodore.”

“I’d like to stay in the dark, thanks.”

“Boogers for example.”

“Liam.”

“Scott’s poo-” Liam thinks Theo is about to shut him up by giving him a kiss and he’s secretly happy about it, but turns out Theo was getting closer just to evilly sink his teeth in his lower lip.

“ _Ouch!_ Stop biting me.” He snaps incredibly offended. So violence against Nolan is a no but he can be eaten alive just like that, sure.

“Then stop being gross.” Theo mutters and bites him again. He seems to think he can just lick him after and make it okay, so Liam bites him too to teach him a lesson. Theo doesn’t learn the lesson, instead he looks happy about it and soon they’re kissing deeply, their limbs so tangled together that they wouldn’t be able to run in time if there was a fire in the building. Liam can’t believe he thought kissing was gross less than a hour before, kissing is the best thing ever and they only stop when Scott jumps on the couch and try to join with his big pink tongue.

 

 

They finally finish Game of Thrones and the only thing that makes Cersei still being alive bearable is Theo’s shoulder under his chin and his arms wrapped around him.

Liam takes a quick selfie with his best smug face and sends it to Mason. 

 _“He gives the best hugs and there’s nothing you can do about it.”_ He texts, before noticing Theo spying his screen.

“Stop eavesdropping.” He mutters and Theo takes his own phone out.

“Smile” He orders and Liam instantly pouts. He hates the fact that you’re supposed to smile in pictures, it’s a stupid rule. Smiles are temporary, just like the brief interruptions in the misery of everyone’s life but especially his, while pictures last forever and you shouldn’t forever look like you do once in a while, you should just own your bitch face because that’s who you are most of the time anyways.

Theo pecks him on the cheek and the flash blinds him while he glares at the camera.

“I can’t see anymore” Liam whines burying his face in his neck and snuggling his nose on his skin as he finds out he likes the scent there.

“Try open your eyes” Theo suggests absently while tapping on his phone. Liam grunts and keeps his eyes closed, nipping a little at Theo’s neck, until his own phone buzzes in his pocket.  

_TheodoreR tagged you in a post._

Oh no. The picture already has twelve likes and there’s also a filter on it, Liam is sure of it, his face does not have such bright colours. That’s not even the worst part, the caption is.  

 _Grumpy boyfriend._ With two hearts. Two, not even one. Two.

“Oh god, are you going to start posting everything we do on instagram now? Are you one of those people?”

“Liam, I just told all my instagram followers that you’re my boyfriend, can you at least follow me back?” Of course Theo is more concerned about how they’re going to _look_ on social media than about the fact that their differences are already delineating an unfixable fracture between them.

“Couples shouldn’t be on instagram.” Liam mutters while being mature and giving him his follow. He also likes the picture because he’s just that kind, but he’s _so_ not going to open the videos with the covers. “Who even are all these people liking so fast and leaving hearts? It’s ridiculous, I don’t know them.”

“We’re adorable, of course they’re leaving hearts.”

Liam scoffs, not quite finding in himself to disagree. It’s a cute picture.

 _“Fucking finally.”_ Mason texts him and then Theo puts his phone down and they’re kissing again. 

“I like this.” Liam says when they part and feels Theo’s lips fold into a smile against his.

“I like this too, grumpy.” He murmurs. “But you still need to pay me extra for the private serenade.”

 

***

 

When Liam gets out of the shower, Theo is waiting right outside the bathroom door with a shocked look on his face. Liam blushes furiously because he’s only wearing a bathrobe, a very large one that actually covers everything to be fair, but still. He really hopes the white clothed men will give him his apartment back soon, cohabitation after a day is awkard.

“Liam, your voice...you’re so good at singing.” Theo babbles surprised and Liam frowns. Oh, that. He didn’t realize he was singing in the shower. He does that sometimes when he’s happy.  

“Yeah, my mother made me take singing lessons when I was a kid, so I’m pretty good at it.” He shrugs. _I’ve never seen such a natural talent_ , that’s what his teacher said all the time, and he didn’t see the car either because it hit him and he died on the spot. Tragic.   

“But you never sing.” Theo insists perplexed, while Scott starts licking the drops of water on Liam’s left ankle.  

“Because I don’t like it.”

“Oh, okay.” Theo nods pressing a quick kiss on Liam’s wet lips. “The hairdryer is inside that sideboard.” He adds and then he walks away humming softly. Liam can’t figure out what he thinks he’s singing right now because it sound like the usual dying cat, but he still loves it. He still loves him.  

 

 

 


	8. EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said the last one was the last chapter, I LIED, this one is. (I didn’t know I was actually going to write it, I lied to myself as well, don’t be mad.) To be honest, this is just a plus with no finale vibezzz which had me in doubt until now if posting it or not, but let’s consider it a post credit scene that you can skip. I HAD to post it because I spit blood and sweat on it -so wear gloves while reading, I’m contagious.  
> There is some smut here. I don’t write smut -- > don’t be surprised if the smut will be bad and basically glossing over all the interesting stuff. My excuse is that it’s my second smut ever and my first smut in English -always hiding behind the language thing I know I know. I’m proud of myself for doing it even if it sucks, so don’t worry about it, you can literally say ‘it sucks’ and I’ll still be all happy and proud that I did it. My goal was to write the smut, never said it had to be a good smut.  
> Anyway, thanks again to everyone BUT DES for reading and supporting me, especially Manon who kept lying to me and saying I could do this, and Somo who listened to me panic because I didn’t know any English word to describe a dick (still don’t btw, she just listened, she wasn’t useful in any way), and Theo (not Raeken) because I suspect he likes this story more than I do for some weird unknown reason, and every single one of you literally Every. Single. One. (Except Des) (Kidding, but only if you’ll give the world the BB words it deserves you coward.)  
>  _Now_ it’s actually over, I promise.

 

 

 

“I think Theo wants to have sex with me tonight, Mason help me.”

“You want me to help you have sex?”  
“Help me _not_ to have sex!”

“In that case, Li, I think you’re doing great on your own.”

Liam didn’t call his best friend to be disrespected like that, but he doesn’t have time to get properly offended right now: Theo expects him for dinner in less than an hour and Liam still doesn’t have a plan to face the emergency.

“He asked me to stay over, Mason, do you understand what that means? He doesn’t have a spare mattress!”

“Didn’t you sleep in his bed already? Like, five days ago, when they were disinfesting your apartment?”

“Yes, but that wasn’t the same, I stayed in my side of the bed and he stayed in his, it was obvious we weren’t going to do anything since we literally just kissed that day. Now it’s different, we’ve been together for so long and...”

“That was five days ago Liam. You’ve been together for five days.”

“Exactly, five days! Do you know how long that is? I’ve never been together with someone for five days! What can I know about what happens on the fifth day?”

“Well, I know: nothing. That’s what happens on the fifth day. Now go have dinner with your boyfriend and stop panicking, it’s so clear when you’re anxious.”

“So I have dinner and then I come to sleep at your place, right? I tell him I forgot I promised you we were doing a sleepover party and _bros before hoes_.”

“Please don’t tell Theo that. Ever. And you’re not sleeping at my place, you’re sleeping with him and you’re not doing anything you don’t want to, that’s it. Just sleeping.”

“But he doesn’t know we’re just sleeping.”

“I’m pretty sure he does.”

“What if he doesn’t.”

“He does, but if he doesn’t, you’ll tell him. Talking. As one does.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that. Bye Liam.”

“Okay. If we have sex I’ll sue you. Bye.”

“What the f-”

Liam hangs up.

 

 

 

Dinner was a success because Theo is the god of cooking and Liam is getting better and better at loading the dishwasher. He broke just one plate tonight, which is Theo’s fault anyway because he insists plates still need to be rinsed at least a little before going in the dishwasher. Liam doesn’t want to know what other illogical and pointless things he’s convinced of, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he washed his hair _at least a little_ in the sink before taking a shower. He’d be able to make that look reasonable too with his annoyingly cute _I know what I’m talking about and you don’t_ face.

“Bathroom’s all yours.” Theo smiles at him walking in the bedroom with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. Liam never understood people who can just walk around while brushing their teeth, he needs to be right in front of the sink from start to end because the lower half of his face becomes a shooter of toothpaste and foam with a remarkable range of action when he brushes his teeth.

“Thanks.” He says grabbing the backpack with his things and heading for the bathroom. “Bye.” He automatically adds as he opens the door and Theo barely holds a laugh. Where barely means he doesn’t hold it at all. “I mean, see you later.” He closes himself in the bathroom and takes ten seconds to mourn his dignity before unzipping his jeans. Time to put the armour on.

 

 

 

“Liam.”

“Mh?”

“Aren’t you hot like that?”

Liam is always hot, literally all the time, that’s how mother nature created him, the one joy in his life, for which he has to pay with all the tragedies and miseries, but it saddens him that he apparently just failed his main goal of _not_ being hot right now. “I’m pretty good looking, yes.” He concedes because he can’t help, no amount of unnecessary clothes can hide his beauty.

“I mean, aren’t you hot with two...no, wait, _three_ hoodies on?” Theo frowns looking at him from the bed. He’s wearing just a grey t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts, leaving plenty of tanned skin exposed. Liam, on the other hand, could not have a skin at all for what he left in sight. One of his hoodies has a polo neck and  another one has sleeves so long his hands are completely covered by it. The sweatpants carefully tucked in his long socks are the final touch.

“Not at all, I like sleeping warm.” He shrugs, thinking about how much he loves sleeping naked. That’s one of the main reason Mason put an end to their previous cohabitation.

“Okay.” Theo says slowly, clearly unconvinced. “Are you wearing two pairs of sweatpants too?”

“No.” It’s not even a lie. He’s wearing three.

Crossing the room to reach his side of the bed turns out to be more difficult than he thought and his movements probably look awkard and slow like he’s wearing an astronaut suit, but eventually he’s able to drop himself on the bed, sighing in relief. Carrying around all that weight in clothes is no fun, but at least Theo won’t be tempted to try anything when Liam’s actual body is so well guarded.

“Liam.”

“Mh?” Liam keeps staring at the ceiling warily. That’s it, if Theo wants him to turn off the light then he’s going to be single again because Liam is physically unable to get up now. He can sleep with the light on anyway, so the joke’s on Theo, really.    

“You know we don’t have to do anything, right?” Theo’s voice is soft and Liam throws him a suspicious glance . “I asked you to sleep here. I meant it. Sleep.”

Liam snorts loudly, going back to stare at the ceiling as he buries his face in the neck of his many hoodies, feeling his cheeks suddenly getting warmer and warmer.  “ _Duh._ I knew that. Obviously. What did you think I though you meant with sleep, play hockey?”

“I was hoping we could cuddle a little too.” Theo adds casual. “If you’d like it.”

“Cuddle.” Liam repeats, considering. He likes cuddles. Theo’s cuddles, that is. But they’re in a bed and they’ve been boyfriends for so long now. Who knows what cuddles could mean in the jargon of a five days relationship. If he accidentally agreed to cuddle sex with Theo even his chastity hoodies would be pointless.

“Just cuddle.” Theo adds, as if reading his mind. “No hockey.”

“Yeah, sure. Let’s cuddle.” Liam quickly rolls on his belly and then on his back again, like a giant hoodie ball, landing brusquely against Theo’s side.

“ _Ouch”_   He huffs because Liam gained quite the speed, but a second later his arm wraps around him, gently pulling Liam’s head on his shoulder. Very nice accommodation, Liam likes it there. He’s going to die though.

“I can’t breathe.” He admits after a few minutes and then he’s squirming around taking off layer of clothes after layer until he’s left with just one of everything.

“Better?” Theo chuckles as Liam snuggles up back in his arms, his body temperature back into the realm of the things out of an oven.

“Yeah, it’s just very hot in your apartment, mine is not like this.” Liam explains as if Theo never put foot in his flat. “Goodnight, Theodore.”

“Night, weirdo.” Theo presses a quick kiss on his cheek and Liam is happy he didn’t choose the sleepover at Mason’s. Corey’s feet smell anyway.

 

 

***

 

“I think Theo wants to have sex with me tonight, Mason help me.”

“Are all our calls going to start like this now? Just so I know.”

“Mason, focus, if it was the time for sarcasm I’d tell you, _time for sarcasm,_ but I didn’t say that, did I. I said _help me_. In a panicked voice nonetheless. As in emergency!”

“Problem is, you scream emergency a lot, Li. And it’s never one, never. Except that one time with the fire, but you had set it in the first place so it doesn’t really count.”

“It burnt my eyelashes off, of course it counts! Do you know how hard it was walking around without my eyelashes for a month? How weird I looked?”

“I have a framed picture on my nightstand, I know.”

“Mase. Theo-”

 “Fine, why do you think he wants to have sex this time? Did he compliment your eyes again?”

“We were watching a movie and then he suddenly went to grab his toothbrush downstairs because he wants to sleep here. _With me._ ”

“Haven’t you two slept together for the past five days? Every single night? Just cuddling like the pathetic lovebirds you secretly are?”

“Exactly, but today is the tenth day. Tenth. Two digits. That’s what he was waiting for. He wants to do it tonight, I know.”

“I promise you he’s not waiting the two digits, Liam.”

“Are you sure? What is he waiting then?”

“I don’t know, probably to see you comfortable and not panicking every time you share a bed?”

“I don’t panic every time, just when it’s a two digits day, which today is for the first time, so I panic now- _shit,_ he’s back, he’s knocking, what do I do Mase!”

“Open the door. Go to bed. Cuddle and stuff. If he wants more, tell him no.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that. Bye.”

“Okay. Bye. I love you so much.”

“What the f-”

Liam hangs up.

 

 

 

Liam is not wearing his hoodie armour again, but when Theo lifts the blanket to join him in bed, he still stops to stare.

“I told you it’s colder in my apartment.” Liam explains, shrugging inside his giant burrito of _others_ blankets tightly wrapped around him. He’s not sure how he got in there in the first place, but he can’t move his arms now. He hopes Theo will free him before going to work tomorrow morning or he’ll just be trapped in there forever.

Theo doesn’t say anything, but he keeps launching Liam weird glances as he lies next to him.

“Can I help you warming up?” He proposes after a while snuggling a little closer and Liam immediately nods because he’s starting to get used to fall asleep in his arms and his virtue is safe anyway.  

As soon as Theo throws an arm around him, a loud annoyed growl comes from the depths of Liam’s blankets roll.

Theo recoils startled. “What the fuck-”  
“It’s Scott, don’t worry. He likes to hide and sleep in warm spots.” Scott also weighs too much for such a small dog and it’s not comfortable at all having him on his belly, but when he slipped in like a snake Liam had already lost the ability to move his arms so he couldn’t really do anything about it.

“You shouldn’t let him on the bed, he’s going to leave dog hairs all over your sheets.” Theo points out because of course he’d say that, what can Liam expects from someone who rinses the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. The worst, that’s what.

“Tell that to his face if you’re a real man.”

“I can’t see his face.”

“Because he doesn’t want to talk to you, so leave him alone.”

“Fine.” Theo sighs pouting a little before glancing suspicious at Liam’s blankets nest. “Can we cuddle now or is he going to growl at me again?” 

“Your arm crashed him, that’s why he growled.” Scott snarls even if you breath or exist near him when he sleeps to be fair, but Theo doesn’t need to know.

“Oh, so it’s my fault now.” He mutters bitter under his breath. 

“Of course it’s your fault if you crash my dog.” Liam points out because if they’re going to do this boyfriends thing for as long as he’d like, which is forever, then Theo needs to learn how to share a bed with a moody dachshund.

“Whatever.” It doesn’t look like Theo is too thrilled to learn, in fact he rolls over and gives Liam his back. “I’m staying on my side of the bed then.”

“You don’t have a side, this is my bed and every side is mine.”

Theo doesn’t reply and Liam starts glaring at his shoulders. He wants to be mad at him because that’s the best way to respond when someone starts being mad at you for no reason, but he mostly wants to snuggle to him and cuddle so they can sleep. His eyelids are getting kinda heavy.

He still can’t move his arms though.

“Theodore.”  

“What.”

“There are dog hairs all over the sheets.” Liam’s tone is deep with concern and resignation. “We don’t have much time before this fact kill us both, come hug me and say goodbye, come on.”

“ _Shut_ up, I was just saying” Theo grumbles but he’s clearly suppressing a smile and he still rolls on his side and wraps an arm around Liam’s blankets burrito at the height of his chest, pulling him closer.

“So many dog hairs on the bed, I’m scared.” Liam continues, grinning. “How do you think it’s going to happen, choke or dog hair poisoning? What’s the most common death?”

“Stop making fun of me, have you seen yourself?” Theo chuckles. “You’re a blanket burrito, you don’t have room to talk. I could take a pic of you and put it on Instagram with a cheesy caption and you couldn’t do a damn thing about it, don’t think I didn’t notice you can’t move your arms.”

“I can totally move my arms.” Liam clarifies while absolutely not moving his arms. He can barely feel them and Scott is probably sleeping on them. Who needs blood circulation anyway. 

“Sure you can.” Theo concedes, before attacking him with a loud kiss on his nose. Liam turns his face to the side grunting, but he secretly appreciates the attack. “But seriously, it’s not even cold, are you sure you don’t have a fever or something?”

Liam shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe.” He mutters immediately trying to sound sick. He feels amazing, but people are always extra nice and accommodating to you when you’re sick. “I’m probably sick, yes. I can’t warm up.”

“Does your head hurts too?” Theo asks sitting up and starting to quickly rub his hands on Liam’s blankets shell.

“A little.” Liam nods and Theo pulls him up a bit, helping him rest against his chest. Scott huffs annoyed, but doesn’t move from his nest.

“Do you want me to kiss it better?” Theo’s breath tickles the back of his ear making him shiver and Liam would be so mad now if he was actually sick, fuck love is the best medicine and that kind of bullshit, just give him meds or knock him out for good.

He’s not sick though and he’s perfectly okay with Theo kissing it better.

“Mh-mh.” He nods and Theo immediately starts leaving little sloppy kisses all over his forehead, nose and cheeks, on his closed eyes, on his ticklish neck and that’s when Liam starts squirming so hard that Scott jumps out and trot away. As soon as Liam can move his arms again he attacks back, tickling and pinching every part of Theo he can reach. He only stops when several loud thuds on the ceiling remind them that it’s one in the morning and they’re suppose to sleep. They find each other back and do just that.

 

 

***

 

“I think Theo wants to have sex with me tonight, Mason help me.”

“ _Liam._ ”  
“No, I know, okay, I know, but it’s been a month. Today is _exactly_ a month. It’s our monthversary. What the fuck is a monthversary, I don’t even know, but he cares about these things, he made a post on Instagram with all our pictures and everybody left hearts and stuff, I hate them all, stalkers with no life. But he looked so happy and excited. This time I’m right, the monthversary is what he was waiting for. He’ll buy scented candles or something ridiculous like that and expect us to do the sex, I’m sure of it.”

“There’s a long list of things you’ve been sure of in your life, Li, but I’m not even going there, becau-”

“Where.”

“There.”

“I don’t follow you.”

“Point is, if Theo wants to have sex tonight-”

“He does. He-”

“I’m going to stab your spleen with Kira’s katana if you keep interrupting me.”

Liam bites his tongue.

 “So, if he _does,_ you’ll just have to tell him that you’re not ready. That’s it.”

“Who said I’m not ready?”

“The fact that you keep calling me panicking about it?”

“I’m not...I never said...I don’t _know_ if I’m ready, okay, it’s just, what _if_ I’m not and he-”

“You just tell him.”

“What if he breaks up with me.”

There’s a long silence and Liam checks the screen to see if the call is still on. It is.

“Mase.”

“Look.” Mason sighs and Liam is so happy he didn’t die in a car accident like it always happen in movies when someone stops responding to the phone. “First of all, if someone breaks up with you for that, you punch them in the face.”

“You said I can’t punch people in the face.”

“Then you punch them in the balls.”

“Okay.” Liam is confused, but never against punching people in the balls.

“Second, he’s not breaking up with you, you literally threw a beetle at him and he still didn’t, so.”

“We weren’t together when that happened, how was he supposed to break up with me?”

“Now don’t be naive: just because you’re not with someone it doesn’t mean you can’t break up with them. You can _always_ break up.”

“Can I break up with Corey then?”

“No.”

“Then you just lied.”

“Liam.”

“Fine. So he’s not breaking up with me. Ever.”

“I mean, ever is a long-”

“Thanks, Mase. I have to go now, time to punch Nolan in the balls before Theo gets here.”

“Wait, that’s not what I-”

Liam hangs up.

 

 

 

“Are you wearing three hoodies again? I thought we got past this.”

Liam is wearing just two this time, because he’s incredibly mature and he decided to take Mason’s advice in account for once. (But mostly because one of them is super thick and it counts for two.)

“Well, it’s our monthversary.” Liam mutters looking down at his hands. Shit. They look so stupid holding nothing, doing nothing, just _being_ there. He puts one against the wall but he immediately regrets it when that makes all the rest of his body looks stupid too. 

“It is.” Theo grins delighted, closing the distance in a few quick steps and wrapping his arms around Liam, immediately dazing him with the sweet scent of his freshly washed hair. “I made you a cake.”

“I ate it.” Liam contributes, still glancing down at his hands now intertwined behind Theo’s back. They look a little less stupid now, but Theo is making them swing on the spot just to bask in his own excitement about the monthversary thing, so looking stupid is a given anyway. Liam doesn’t mind now that he’s not the only one anymore though. 

“I know.” Theo smiles pressing a quick kiss against his lips, and then another one. “So?”

“Mh?” There’s something about the way Theo smiles at him and only him that slows down everything around them, but mostly Liam’s brain. What were they even talking about? “Nothing. You cook very well. Let’s go to sleep?”

Against every instinct, Liam sneaks out of Theo’s warm hug to take a step towards his side of the bed –because unlike his, Theo’s bed actually has a side that’s just Liam’s- but Theo’s hand catches his before he can go far.

“I like you a lot” He says and Liam’s heart misses a beat as if he didn’t know that already. You don’t give someone you don’t like a lot a heart shaped chocolate cake letting him eat all of it. Still, hearing it from Theo’s voice instead of his cooking abilities is different. “And I don’t want to have sex with you.” This is _so_ not what Liam was expecting, but he’s suddenly so grateful to Mason for giving him a free pass on punching people in the balls. He’s wearing the hoodie armour because he’s not sure _he_ wants to have sex with Theo, sure, but how dare he say that? Has he seen Liam? He should be on his knees begging for sex because he’s attractive and desirable just like that and instead there he is, showing unacceptable levels of audacity.  

“Listen, you little sh-”

“I mean, I want to of course, I have a feeling it’s going to be the best experience of my life, but I don’t want to until _you_ want it.” Oh. Yeah. Sure. Do that. It’s make-Liam-feel-stupid-day anyway, no big deal. “I know you never...and we can wait as long as you want. As I said, I like you a lot, so if you need ten years before being comfortable, then I’ll wait ten years. I mean, I hope it’s not _ten_ years, but still. Stop thinking about it.” Theo shrugs, squeezing his palm a little and Liam realizes just now that he’s still holding his hand. “I’m okay with cuddles and kisses if that’s what you’re okay with.” Theo smiles fondly, pulling Liam towards him and pecking his lips. “No need for the hoodies.”

“I’m incredibly turned on by this.” Liam blurts out very honestly and Theo blinks surprised.

“Oh. Okay” He chuckles taken aback.

“That was so hot” Liam leaves his hand to wriggle free from his hoodie, throwing it somewhere behind him. “Let’s do it.”

“Wait, now?” Theo looks shocked because he probably planned his first time with months in advance, like he plans everything, the weirdo. “Are you sur-”

“Yes” Liam cuts him off, dropping his last hoodie on the floor. He likes to sleep naked anyway. “I’m going to touch your dick now.”

Liam is very fast, like you have to be if you want to keep your dachshund alive through his puppy years, running after him and extracting whatever mortal object he found in the bin from his mouth before he swallows it, so he could totally move his hand and grab Theo’s cock through his jeans now, truthful to his word, but he just stares at his face to study his reaction. You need vocal confirmation before touching someone’s dick. Unless you’re punching it in a non sexual way, like he did with Nolan earlier.   

“Oh my god.”

“What.” Liam doesn’t know why Theo looks so weirded out by him being polite, but he knows that he needs to stop laughing at him right now because he’s been allowed by his best friend to punch people in the balls and he’s not afraid to use this new freedom. “I can’t just touch your dick without telling you first, okay? That’s not how you do it. Wait, is it? Can I? I don’t know, I only touched mine and Mason’s, but that was an accident and it got super awkard lat-”

“Liam.” Theo’s hands are on his shoulders now and his face is a lot closer, his eyes so big like he’s trying to encase all Liam’s figure in them. “Stop talking.”

“Okay.” Liam is not sure why he’s being so docile now, but Theo’s voice has this soothing power over him and it’s not like he actually wants to talk about the Mason’s dick accident again. Also, there seems to be a pretty pleasant reward for being docile, because Theo is kissing him now, deep and slow.

“You can do whatever you want with me.” He whispers when he parts from him just a little, his breath a soft caress on Liam’s lips, his eyes locked in his. “ _To_ me.”

“I can think of a whole list of things you don’t want me to do to you” Liam immediately replies because he just can’t help it. “Like knock you out and draw stuff on your fac-”

“Liam.”

“Just saying.” He shrugs and then he closes his fist in Theo’s hair and pulls him back against his mouth, kissing him hungrily. He barely notices he’s been stepping forwards but when Theo’s legs hit the foot of the bed he shoves him roughly and watch him fall backwards on the mattress. “Whatever I want” Liam repeats following him, slowly crawling on the bed with Theo’s left thigh between his knees.

“Whatever you want.” Theo confirms hauling himself up a little on his elbows, so that his lips are only a few inches from Liam’s. They’re swollen and red and maybe Liam is supposed to talk to Theo and not to them, but he can’t look away. 

“I want to make you feel good.” He says sincerely and he’s still staring at Theo’s lips as they buckle into a smile a second before he closes his eyes because Theo is kissing him and you’re not supposed to stare while doing that or something like that.

“Then fuck me.” Theo’s voice is husky and angelic at the same time and Liam feels like fainting a little when he reopens his eyes to meet the lust in his gaze, the bulge in his jeans tugging almost painfully.

Still, he hesitates and Theo smirks. “Or I can fuck you.”

Liam absently bites his lip, carefully searching his face. “And you’d like that?”

Theo smiles. “Yes, Liam, I’d love that.” 

“Just so I can see how, you know? And the next time I’ll do it?” He explains, regretting his words immediately because now it sounds like he intends to use this as a youtube tutorial which he doesn’t. He hates youtube tutorials anyway, they’re pointless and they never teach you anything, it’s always just someone showing off how much better than you they are at cooking, repairing stuff and life in general. “I mean, not to assume there is going to be a next time of cour-” Liam is actually going to assume that there is going to be a next time since Theo apparently likes him _a lot_ and Liam likes him even more, so why shouldn’t it be, so he’s secretly appreciative of Theo’s tongue interrupting his nervous chattering. He’s not _that_ secretive about his appreciation, okay, Mrs Jenkins probably heard his moan too –not because it was particularly loud, but because she’s always listening – and Liam probably would need a tutorial to replicate the movement Theo did with his hips to brush their covered erections together while also making it look like something totally unplanned. It was totally planned and Liam is fine with that.

Turns out Theo is the one who needs a youtube tutorial on this because while he definitely knows how to kiss Liam and make his brain all foggy, the way he just suddenly lifted his elbows from the mattress to wrap his arms around Liam’s neck, falling back and dragging Liam with him, is not okay. Their jeans brush against each other again and that’s more than okay, but Liam almost bites his own tongue off and instead of showing regret Theo just laughs, throwing his head back nonetheless. Liam wants to be offended by it, but there’s something about Theo’s exposed throat and the way he insists in keeping it like that, almost as if he’s expecting something, that hypnotizes him. He wants Liam to do something to his neck, that’s it. Liam doesn’t need a tutorial to figure out that much. Liam also spent his childhood trying to suffocate the other children by hitting a particular spot on their necks like Xena, but that’s probably not what Theo wants right now. Which is a fortune, because Liam never figure out what the right spot was anyway.

Unsure of what to do now that suffocating is out of the picture, Liam gives a long lick from the base of his neck to his chin. He accidentally licks the neckband of Theo’s sweater too and he ends up looking and feeling like Scott when he laps people, except that Scott is a dog and he can do that without looking stupid and being judged. Liam can’t and he instantly feels his cheeks catching fire, but Theo doesn’t say anything and Liam takes it as a sign to try again, focusing on less skin and using also his lips this time, licking just a little, slow and teasing, using his teeth to nip and nibble and eventually sucking. That’s when Theo starts to moan and Liam smiles victorious, doubling up his efforts: moans are good, they’re basically humans purr and they mean Theo is happy. Which means Liam is the hickeys god. Fuck youtube tutorials, _he’_ s going to make them and teach everyone else how it’s done, because Theo is moaning and he’s just that good.

“I’m so good” Liam announces proudly leaving a trail of sloppy kisses along Theo’s neck, tasting the salty flavour of his skin upwards to his juicy lips. 

“So humble too” Theo grins pulling him into a kiss, his warm tongue delving into his mouth and meeting no obstacle from Liam’s already parted lips. “Why don’t you help me undress, mister modesty?” He adds a little out of air when they part a while later. Liam is totally in favour of this plan, even if with ‘help me’ Theo clearly means ‘do all the work’ because that’s how people are, they always expect you to do everything. Right now he’s okay with that and he takes his time moving his hands over the soft fabric of Theo’s yellow sweater before grabbing the lower edges and lifting it up slowly, revealing tanned skin and defined abs covered by a soft looking fuzz of hair. He keeps lifting the hoodie and he can’t help but think that it’s worth it, all the miseries and the beetles and the annoying neighbors, it’s all worth it in front of the smooth skin on that broad chest. His fingers are splayed on it before he knows, running up and down his hips and shoulders, and he finds himself fascinated by the way Theo’s nipples react to the gentle touch of his tongue and the teasing one of his teeth, turgid as they weren’t a few seconds before. Liam keeps playing with them and he takes a while to realize Theo’s moans are weirdly muffled and when he glances up all he sees is a pile of yellow where his boyfriend’s face is supposed to be.

“Ups” He says finally finishing to take his sweater off as Theo rests his hands on his already naked hips, his cheeks slightly red for the lack of air inside his hoodie or whatever, Liam is not sure. He just knows that he looks too hot for his own good. For everyone’s good.

He thought he would have screwed up unbuttoning the jeans for some reason, but he doesn’t and Theo immediately arches his back helping him taking them off, revealing a pair of black boxer in clear tension in the middle. His socks get stuck in the legs of his pants as Liam pulls them off and Theo kicks them on the floor all together, officially remaining with only his underwear on. That’s extremely good because Liam feels like licking every inch of his body, but also extremely bad because Theo said to undress him and now he feels trapped in the same awkard moment that happens when the doctor tells you to take your clothes off and you do it but at the end you’re left hesitating with only your underwear on and wondering if he meant that too or not. Usually logic comes to his rescue in those situations to remind him that the doctor probably doesn’t need him to take his briefs off to take a look at his injured shoulder, and logic is now telling him that Theo’s underwear is definitely an obstacle if they’re going to have sex, but still he hesitates and soon enough Theo is sitting up and kissing him softly, his thumbs slowly rubbing soothing circles on his cheeks.

“You sure you want this?” He asks gently, his forehead resting lightly against Liam’s.

“I do” He answers immediately because he actually does. He just hopes they’re still on the same page and he didn’t just accidentally agreed to get married, because marriage is stupid and pointless unless you’re just trying to steal some old millionaire’s money, in that case Liam can respect it.

“Okay” Theo nods, pecking his lips and then reaching for the nightstand. He rummages through the drawers and Liam stares slightly hypnotized at the stretched muscles on his back as he does so, until Theo finds what he was looking for and drops it on the mattress, not too close but at arm’s reach. Condoms and lube.

Without a second glance to them Theo comes back to give Liam his entire attention, wrapping his hands around his waist and lowering him down as Liam locks his arms around his neck, allowing himself to get lost in the kiss. The blanket is soft and pleasant against his naked back and Theo’s teeth pull and nibble his lower lip, the back of his ear, the tender skin right under his chin, sending shivers down his spine. He traps Liam’s neck between his lips, he licks and sucks, and maybe Liam isn’t the god of hickeys after all. He’s perfectly okay with handing over the title to Theo to be honest.  

His eyes close spontaneously this time as he arches his back and moans softly in response to Theo’s burning trail of kisses on his collarbone and he sinks his hand in his hair pulling slightly when Theo reaches his nipples and starts playing with them in an assault of fingers, teeth and tongue. His hands feel a little cold against the fire Liam’s skin has become and when they rest on his hips, his fingers barely slipping under the waistband of his jeans, Liam glances down at him, meeting his green eyes staring at him in question, his nose buried in the dark fuzz of hair under his bellybutton.

“Okay?”

“Yeah” Liam nods and he has to clear his voice because it sounds raspy and strained as if he hadn’t use it in ages. “Yes.”

Theo’s fingers are quick with the button and before he knows it Liam finds himself arching his hips a little to help him strip him off his jeans, his underwear getting pulled off a bit as well but eventually remaining in his place as Theo finishes slipping his pants off. Liam tries to kick off his survivor left sock as well because he heard that keeping socks during sex is a terrible crime, but Theo is already taking care of it and once he’s done his hand rests there, his fingers drawing slow circles on his ankle, while his other hand does the same to his right knee. That’s when Liam realizes he must look incredibly stupid just lying there squirming at Theo’s mercy, so he sits up and tugs Theo’s boxers down with a quick, fluid gesture, just as a power move. Theo’s cock, thick and red and wet with precum, almost slaps him in the face with a power move of its own and Liam realises he has only a few seconds to counterattack now before looking even more stupid, before looking like someone who has no idea what to do with a dick, so he grabs the base and gives it a few slow strokes before carefully taking the tip in his mouth, immediately overwhelmed by the salty, prickly flavour. Theo holds his breath loudly and Liam is so inebriated by the fact that his plan of looking like he knows what he’s doing worked that he immediately overdoes it, enthusiastically thrusting forward trying to take his full length in. The impulse to gag is strong and immediate and the fact that he ends up coughing after almost choking himself on a dick is only the second most humiliating consequence of his actions, the first being Theo’s small whine sounding dangerously similar to _‘teeth_ ’.

Liam has suddenly a new profound respect for Mason and his apparent talent in giving blowjobs.     

“Sorry” He mutters backing away a little to make clear he won’t attack Theo’s dick again. “I mean, it was your fault.” He adds bitter when he sees the way Theo is failing at holding a giggle. What is he laughing at? Liam just found out he’s not a natural in giving blowjobs and that’s one of the most basic skills you need to master if you want to succeed in life. That’s what you do after everything else has failed and Liam is now failing at that too. It’s heartbreaking, not funny. “Stop laughing, asshole.” He growls, feeling his cheeks colouring with fire.

“I’m not laughing” Theo lies right to his face, going on with his shameless chuckling. He seems to think the little peck he gives to Liam’s lips makes up for it. It doesn’t. “You’re all red.” He grins happily before pressing his lips on Liam’s again. “I’m not.” Liam pouts angrily pecking him right back. “Yes you are.” Theo insists and this time his tongue takes its time delving into Liam’s mouth, caressing his own and exploring every inch of it. “You’re so pretty.” Theo whispers when they break away for air and he’s not laughing anymore.

“I’m hot.” Liam corrects him, ignoring the way his voice trembles as Theo’s cock brushes against Liam’s still clothed one.   

“Yeah, you’re hot.” Theo agrees and Liam is forced to push his head back as he starts sucking red marks all over his throat. “So hot” He repeats and Liam doesn’t appreciate the way his voice sounds almost mocking, but what he appreciates, what every part of him appreciates, is what he’s doing with his lips, the wet trail of sloppy kisses all the way down to his stomach and when he lingers in proximity of the waistband of his boxer Liam had enough and quickly moves his hand to it, tugging them down enough to disclose his neglected erection. Theo slowly finishes pulling them off and it’s not like Liam didn’t try to convince Mason that it was his right as a free citizen to walk naked around the house when they lived together, but still, he’s naked now and Theo’s eyes are scattering a red veil on his cheeks.

“You’re beautiful.” That doesn’t help Liam’s furious blushing at all and he wants to tell Theo to shut up but he also doesn’t, because his voice doesn’t sound mocking anymore. It’s almost worshipping and Liam likes that, people should always address him with that same amount of veneration in their voices because if someone other than Jon Snow only true heir of the Seven Kingdoms deserves it then it’s him.

Theo is kissing his knee now and that’s a weird thing to do if you ask Liam, not unpleasant but also not nice as all the rest, but then his lips move to the inside of his thigh and Liam’s hand can’t help but drift to his cock because _shit_ , feels good. Theo must have eyes on his head as well because he doesn’t look up from Liam’s inner thighs but still he catches his hand immediately, blocking it to his side.

“Patience, little wolf” He hums softly, tilting his head a little so that his hot breath tickles the rim of Liam’s hole, sending shivers down his spine. Liam closes his eyes, inhaling deeply to regain control of his body.

Still, what the fuck. “Little what now?”

“Wolf. You’re a wolf.” Theo repeats convinced, freeing his hand to cup his buttcheek, squeezing. “Wild and fierce.”

“I’m not-” Theo takes his balls into his mouth and Liam is whatever he wants him to be now. It’s not like the sound he just emitted couldn’t pass for a howl with some imagination anyway. “I’m a wolf.” He moans out of air when Theo stops sucking, conceding him a break of a few seconds before casually killing him with a long, light lick from the base of his cock to the leaking tip. “Theo” Liam cries out whining a little because this is so not like the kiss thing, he doesn’t need time to think and get used to it, he just needs more. Theo’s face appears from Liam’s spread legs and he has a stupid grin as he moves up to stretch towards something behind Liam’s head.

“You know my name now?”

“... _dore._ ” Liam adds stubbornly, his voice still a whine now that Theo’s naked chest is pressed against his and his dick is leaving wet traces on his thigh. Theo draws back and Liam feels the cold shape of the bottle pressed under his hand and against his shoulder as he dives into his lips, fighting Liam’s tongue until they’re both gasping for air, lips swollen and red and just a few of Theo’s dark hair slipping from his fingers after he pulled too hard.

“My beautiful wolf” Theo murmurs softly as he pours a generous amount of lube onto his hand, a condom already unrolled around his cock. “So pretty.”

He keeps confusing ‘incredible hot’ with ‘pretty’ which is not ideal, but he at least cut out the _little_ without Liam having to tell him out loud and that’s fortunate since Liam can’t really speak proper words right now, not with Theo’s finger inside him. It’s weird and cold and a part of Liam wants it out immediately because even with all the lube it doesn’t seem like that’s a place where a finger is supposed to be, but then Theo starts to move it slowly, in and out, and Liam was right, that’s not a place where only _one_ finger is supposed to be. Theo insists on going so slow it’s almost frustrating and Liam eventually forgets to add the _dore_ to every begging _Theo_ that slips from his mouth and Theo stops teasing him for it, shutting him up with kiss after kiss because he’s so focused on wanting him to be ready and comfortable that he fails to realize that Liam is going to cum just by being fingered if he keeps that up.     

When he finally slips his fingers out Liam feels almost as empty as when they weren’t talking for days, which is ridiculous because Theo is right there, carefully lining up his cock to Liam’s throbbing entrance, and as the tip only brushes his rim he leans down, his eyes gleaming with something soft that also shapes his lips in a tender smile. “I love you.” He says and what really knocks the air out of Liam’s lungs is realizing that he knew that already after all, that he knew it for quite some time.

Theo called him his wolf, but when he starts slipping further inside and Liam’s nails restlessly run down his spine surely leaving red marks all over his back he feels more like a vicious cat, except he’s not angry at all, maybe for the first time in his life. “Theo” He calls and it’s not a request now, just his name, and he calls it again and again and again as Theo eventually starts thrusting, slowly at first and then faster and faster, until it’s all shaky breaths and slapping flesh sounds, groans and sloppy kisses, sweaty skin and frantic fingers, the regular up and down of Liam’s foot on the back of his shoulder.

It’s not perfect and Liam’s sticky cum has already been dripping down Theo’s chest and stomach for a while when he shots his load too, throwing his head back and moaning loudly, his neck covered in barely visible red marks because Liam has already made up his peace with not being the hickey god. It’s not perfect in any way but it is in the only one that matters and Liam yanks him down and slams his lips against his, tangling his arms around his neck. When their mouths become two again, Theo just rests his forehead on his and they both gather some oxygen, even if Liam is also being crushed a little and slightly suffocated and still doesn’t feel like complaining. Eventually Theo pulls out and rolls off off him and he’s such an hypocrite, complaining about dog hairs on Liam’s sheets but not moving a muscle to stop them from sleeping in cum stained sheets when Liam snuggles up to him and closes his eyes.

 

***

 

The sun is up and it should be disgusting now because the nice soft fuzz of hair on Theo’s stomach has become a smelly crust of dry cum as they slept peacefully, but Liam has cohabited with a beetle infestation for almost a year of his life and there’s nothing actually capable of revolting him, especially not his own cum on his boyfriend.  

“Theodore.”

Theo slowly opens his eyes, rubbing them lazily and glancing confused at Liam with a yawn. “Mh?”

“Can I fuck you now?”

 

 

 

Liam’s fingers keep leaving white prints on Theo’s hips with each thrust as he tries to steady him panting heavily, standing at the end of the bed while Theo’s glorious ass stick out of the edge.

Theo keeps repeating his name at every thrust and it’s the best song he ever sang.

 

***

 

They still didn’t change the sheets. They’re one of those couples now, living on a bed, doing nothing but sex all day. It’s not even noon technically, sure, but Liam already knows that’s what they’re becoming. The only good thing is that Theo hasn’t posted anything on Instagram yet and that’s kinda a record.

“I was thinking...” Oh, here he comes.  

“We’re not posting a selfie.”

“I told you I love you.” Theo continues ignoring him and Liam sinks a little more in his embrace, relieved. He wouldn’t have known where to hide if Theo had took his phone out, they don’t even have sides anymore, there’s only the side where Theo came all over the sheets and the side where he didn’t. “Was it a weird timing to say it? Since it was already our first time and everything? Because I didn’t plan it, so I’m not-”

“Oh shut up with your planning” Liam huffs, rolling his eyes. “Your planning sucks anyway. You could have told me when I was on the toilet and it still would have been a perfect timing because I love you too, you sucker.”

Liam has never seen anyone smiling so genuinely happy at being called a sucker. “You do?” Theo grins, his eyes beaming.

Liam clears his throat, sighing a little. This guy in his bed is so dramatic. “I just said that, didn’t I.”  
Theo’s smile just keeps getting wider. “Say that again.”

“What do you think this is, Theodore, a movie? A _teen_ drama? I’m not saying it again. Actually, I’m taking it back.”

“Come on, I didn’t hear it.” Theo insists with a grin, nuzzling Liam’s neck for some reason.  

“Too bad.”

“I love you.” He blurts out enthusiastically, tightening his arms around Liam because he clearly thinks he can just strangle the love out of him. Well, he’s in for a surprise, because Liam survived Scott’s flatulency phase and he can now do great without air for at least two minutes and a half.

“Then it must suck not knowing if I love you too, since you didn’t _heard._ ” Liam comments smug, tilting his head back to deign Theo with a mocking grin. “You should get those ears checked, Theodore, maybe that’s why you’re so bad at singing: you can’t hear yourself.”

“Is that so?” Theo leans his head down so that he’s smiling defiant only a few inches from Liam’s little smirk.

“I think so, yeah.” Liam nods convinced, smiling right back and Theo grabs him by the hair and kisses the hell out of him.

“I love you, Leonard.” He repeats with such a dramatically heartfelt voice that Liam can’t help himself.

“Love you too, Todd.”

 

 

 

 

They almost drifted to sleep again when Liam opens his eyes.

“You know, Theodore.”

“What?”

“You sing a lot better with my dick inside you.”

 

 

 


End file.
